Illuminate

I think one of the biggest things that fuels my drinking is the fact that I don't have a solid, central purpose to my life. I don't have religious beliefs, although I used to, and I don't see myself ever returning to a religious life at this point.

I fell into this belief that our lives are, ultimately, meaningless, and the only thing there is to live for is to enjoy ourselves and have a good time. Alcohol fits that kind of attitude and lifestyle perfectly, doesn't it? Who cares what happens to us and where our lives lead...just have fun and enjoy ourselves. I think of how people say they are here for a "good" instead of a "long" time.

I know this is kind of an extreme viewpoint, and I don't believe it wholeheartedly. I have a great career that I do genuinely enjoy, and I've got a girlfriend I love. Good friends, good family, etc. Really nothing to complain about. But I guess I don't see a real good reason to keep it going...it's all stuff that keeps me happy and keeps me sustained. But why try and push harder than that?

MissPerfumado

I have a theory that lacking a belief in a deeper purpose positively correlates with a tendency to abuse substances like alcohol. So your experience lends credence to my theory.

I happen to believe in a power greater than what I can see with my five physiological senses. I consider myself a spiritual person. But even people without spiritual or religious beliefs can find a deeper purpose in life. In my simple way, I think there is a straightforward beauty in striving to be your absolute best that does not have to be complicated by anything "other-worldly".

Is it not sufficiently rewarding in itself to live a good, wholesome, healthy life? That in itself is a reason to push harder than "that".

I assume since you are posting here that you see some sort of problem with your drinking. Would your life not be more fun and enjoyable without that problem? Mine certainly is.

I wish you luck in your journey but do urge you to keep searching for a that deeper purpose.

Dee74

I fell into my purpose so I have no advice to tell you how to find yours.

but...I had to get out of my own head a while...it was an endless loop of what ifs and whats the points and general hopelessness...so I got into service work - volunteering etc. Ironically that's how I eventually found myself and my purpose.,

Sometimes I think we have to get out of our own way?

D

teatreeoil007

My sense of purpose has changed over the years. And my "vision" and attitude about what it means to be successful and fulfilled has also changed.

In my '20's I seemed to have more concrete goals about what I wanted to acheive in life. I had visions of being a hot shot in my profession. Religion definitely took a back seat, even though I've always believed in God...I didn't go to church and didn't feel the NEED to go to church. But, I still considered myself 'spiritual'.

Well, I have to say that if I could identify one life occurrence that changed it all it was becoming a mother!! I really didn't think becoming a mother would change me like that, but it did. There's just something about it...partly a mothering instinct that kicked in on it's own....I'd always had dreams and purpose, but here was a new purpose like no other I had anticipated.

I would encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and open yourself up. Do some soul searching. Let yourself go ahead and dream. You might surprise yourself. I find great purpose and fulfillment in helping others.

Anna

When I stopped drinking I was obviously at a low point and I knew instinctively that I needed to find a purpose in my life or recovery wasn't going to work. I was spiritual but not religious, andI found a book that showed me that my soul had a purpose and how to find that purpose. 'The Seat of the Soul' by Gary Zukav.

GroundhogDay

Our purpose while inhabiting our bodies in the four-dimensional space time universe is two-fold, to learn and love.

I used to spend stupid amounts of time and energy trying to figure out my purpose in life. Now, I never give it a thought. I just do my best at work and try to do right by others. I also carve out some relaxation and play time to just enjoy life while I'm alive.

thomas11

Hello to my neighbor to the northwest. My answer may not be popular on this forum, but if I understand you correctly, you are trying to do something you aren't committed to doing, correct? If you are in it for the "good time" as opposed to the "long time", maybe own that--you might feel better having a conviction in your belief. But if you are questioning your future, and currently feel "empty" about the future, and drugs or alcohol or blurring the future, then maybe sobriety is right for you.
You mentioned that you have good friends and family and girlfriend but are not sure as to why to keep it going. Maybe you would benefit by digging a little deeper into why you feel that way.

awuh1

I can relate to what you are saying. I also think your observation that drinking is connected to a belief "that our lives are, ultimately, meaningless" is a keen one. I believe that my drinking was also driven (at least in part) by this perception. This is eloquently described by Carl Jung (the founder of analytic psychology) in a letter to Bill Wilson (a founder of AA). In addition, Jung describes several ways out of this dilemma. You can read the letter here if you are interested. A.A. History -- Dr. Carl Jung's Letter To Bill Wilson, Jan 30, 1961

I was fortunate enough to have had a spiritual experience (I have described this elsewhere). It was result of my own spiritual search (which included, but was not limited to, the steps suggested in AA).

I'd also recommend an appendix to the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". Which you can read here. http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bi...ppendiceii.pdf

fini

it's easy while drinking to fall into a belief that our life is meaningless.

it's also a convenient belief to formulate/fall into/keep feeding, as it so nicely dovetails with continued drinking, in a self-referential endless loop.

EndGameNYC

Tonight I went to a party that was hosted by my dojo and, as usual, it was alcohol-free. It was a celebration of all the local, national, and in a couple of instances, world championships that we've won during the past few months. Adults, and children with their parents attended. There was a lot of great traditional food from the Middle East, South America and the Balkans. And music.

Though I didn't intend to do so before I went, I ended up dancing with a woman from the Philippines who I know from my training, and who also knows how to dance, which I didn't know beforehand -- Salsa, Swing and even a simple Tango.

Without knowing it, that, and spending time with friends, was my purpose in life tonight. Nothing very profound, but it made a difference for me all the same. And none of that would have been possible, or even imaginable, had I not gotten sober. No friends. No dancing. No music.

If you devote yourself to a special kind of nihilism that values the search for pleasure above all other pursuits -- and even that without too much thought or exertion -- including challenging yourself to see what you can become, and avoiding the effort necessary to get there, then you'll end up with a diseased and ravaged body, a soft and inflexible mind, and a heart that never loved enough of anything or anyone to be broken. You'll probably also die long before living a truly good life becomes a priority.

I've already made my choice. And besides, if life has no purpose, there's always music.

uncorked

I sometimes felt that way when I was drinking. My marriage was falling apart, I was numbing my feelings with alcohol and nothing felt right. It was only after I stopped drinking that I felt different. I have 4 kids and even though 3 of them are in college, they need me. My family needs me. I'm important to a lot of people and so are you. It's true, there really is no meaning in drinking your life away. But after you stop, you see the opportunities for personal and career growth, challenging yourself, and finding fulfillment in relationships that you couldn't while you were drinking.

Centered3

I'm still struggling a bit with this, but an AA speaker I like always says "chop water and carry water" - meaning, that our "purpose" really isn't so deep. Don't complicate it. Get up. Make breakfast. Go to work and do a good job. Be kind, loving, and tolerant to others, etc.

I think many of us get too caught up in thinking we all have to have a profound purpose for our life, when our purpose is a lot more simple than we think.

Ooona

Ive been running for so long, it was always hard to see if I had any real purpose in my life. My running consisted of relationships, co dependency in my relationships. work, sex, eating and then finally my drinking. I stayed in a constant state of movement or brain fog or scattered brain focus or whatever to ever really be able to see a definite purpose.

Interestingly when I decided to get sober, my life came to a complete halt in so many other areas. I own my own business and the emails/phone calls stopped completely. No amount of hustling on my part and beating the bushes could bring any new business opps my way. At first I was like WTH?? I started getting super nervous and stressed about the finanaces but more then anything, I was forced to just sit with myself....quieting my mind and soul isnt something Im used to in the least but Ive sort of come to a realization and I believe that my higher power ( God) has wiped my schedule clean and stopped the mental chatter so that I will be FORCED to look at my life with no distractions. In the process, I can also 'see' opportunities arising for me to be of service to others in my community. When I am in my stay busy and run around like a chicken with my head cut off....I miss those chances or coincidences ( thats arent really co incidences to come to some conclusions about what I want my life to be about.

So anyway, my suggestion would be too try to see those coincidences, to quiet yourself enough to be able to do a bit of soul searching. My purpose comes down to: How do I want to be remembered? What do I want people to remember about me when I am no longer here on this earth?

MLD51

I don't think it's necessary to have some big purpose in life. I used to think my life was meaningless and unfulfilling, because I have never done anything "big." But now, in sobriety, I see things through a different lens. My everyday life can be fulfilling and meaningful IF I FEEL THAT IT IS. All I have to do is adjust my attitude. Have I done my best today at my job? Have I been a good parent and grandparent? Have I been kind to people? Have I taken a little time to appreciate others and let them know I appreciate them? Have I gone outside and appreciated the beauty that is everywhere? Am I still sober? If so, I consider my purpose fulfilled for today. Do that again tomorrow. And the next. Viola. Life has meaning and purpose. This keeps me from getting caught up in "what ifs" and "if onlys," which could lead to despair and ultimately a relapse. If I somehow stumble upon something to do that fills me with a greater sense of satisfaction everyday, great. If not, I'll be fine as is, just living the best I can everyday.

firstymer

IMHO, knowing your purpose in life is not a prerequisite to getting sober. But getting sober will certainly give you a better shot at finding out what your purpose might be.

For now, you say that your purpose is to "enjoy yourself and have a good time". Fair enough. When my drinking was at its worst, that was my purpose too - to enjoy myself and have a good time. Funny thing was, I was not enjoying myself much. Or having a good time. Most of the time I was anxious, unstable, irresponsible, and guilty about how much alcohol had diminished me as a person.

In sobriety, I still consider enjoying myself and having a good time to be among the main purposes in my life. It's not a bad purpose after all. At least until something else grabs a hold. In all seriousness, I am better able to enjoy myself and have a good time sober than I was as a drunk. It's a different type of enjoyment. But it is definitely better.

So, if like the rest of us, your alcohol use has become a net negative in your life, consider how you are going to rid yourself of it - finding your purpose in life will likely sort itself out in time.

Fly N Buy

The struggle of the man - why am I here?

This is off color a bit, but the movie the Jerk popped into my head - remember his special purpose!>?

I struggled with a sense of purpose but now understand that was the spiritual void exacerbated by alcohol consumption. Call it what you will, but man is a spiritual being I believe.

I hear people state they were spiritual but not religious. Frankly, a lot of that seems just hipster doofus to me. No offense to hipsters, doofuses or the combination thereof.

I know a man who is a pator, but was raised with American Indians. He make no qualms about seeking......... I find it is in the seeking that void is filled and illumination is inward.

I know spiritual atheists/agnostics many of which are not in the hipster doofus category. Maybe it's age, but I find myself reading more about the Cosmos and the great infinite beyond.

I like what other friends here have commented about doing the simple mundane things in life to the best of their ability. Man is orderly, mostly in our hearts. Good patterns/behaviors , provide a semblance of purpose, of belonging. Of doing things right..........for the universe, perhaps.

I push away others. Always have. Today I recognize it and attempt to work on that curmudgeon attitude. That gives me a sense of purpose. Uncurmudgeonism.

It's a good topic - I do feel strongly, agreeing with others - that not knowing why I'm here doesn't give me carte blance to be drunk all the time. Pretty certain that is NOT the reason.......