sadsadgirl

Yep, I think I'm sick enough of it. I'm on day 1 again. But last night when I was drinking with people I just wanted to leave-it didn't feel right for me. I think that it was a turning point for me. I want to live the right way, the way that makes me happy. Drinking doesn't make me happy. I can do this, but I need to change a few things. Not massive things. I think by doing small positive changes each day, the big things will change in time. I'm always after a quick fix. It's not going to be quick in this case. But hey, it's gonna get better. Thanks for all your support guys. You're the best.

Dee74

These are two great links on recovery plans and might help you work out what yours might look like

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

D

sadsadgirl

Thanks for posting both of those threads Dee. Yes I particularly liked the avoid rigid thinking and the don't confuse enthusiasm for action tips in the latter thread. I'm guilty of those two big time (as I am a lot of other things it suggests). I'm currently lying in bed reading around here, plucking up the courage to get stuck into cleaning my house top to bottom. I really want to nap, but that is classic with me-I want to do things which I know are right but just don't bother. Not today. I'm starting as I mean to go on....just a bit more reading on here first!!

ccam1973

You can do this SSG. You've got to truly commit and realize that there is no room for alcohol in your life... that is if you are ready. I think you are. I spent years and years just going through the motions of thinking i was ready to quit. Yet, every day I drank, again and again.

You have the power to make this change for good. Plenty of us here have made the decision, taken action, dedicated ourselves to getting better and quit. Even after 27 months sober, I still don't look past today in my sobriety. Just don't drink today, everything else will work itself out.

Wake up with the same attitude tomorrow and you will be fine. You can do this. Reach out to us before you drink, reach out when you are feeling weak, give us a chance to help you before picking up.

gatorman

Don't beat yourself up. You can do it. We all can do it together.

sadsadgirl

Thanks a lot for your words ccam, I completely agree-there's no room in my life for alcohol. But instead of moping about it, thinking of the how and whys, I'm trying to concentrate on what I can do to make today better. Nothing major, just the little things. I'm pretty convinced that you all know what you're talking about, so I'm taking everyone's lead. I have a habit of being incredibly arrogant with my thinking-I know best etc. But that way hasn't worked for me. So I'm trying the ways suggested in the threads Dee posted. Just keep swimming.

jaynie04

Hi sadgirl. Everything changed for me when I made my sobriety the main event in my life. That meant saying no a lot in the first year.

In my opinion sobriety can't be a side issue in one's life. Everything has to change and that prevents the "oops I did it again" mentality. Because we are really dealing with a life or death situation. This is serious stuff, and what might be a fun night out for people who aren't alcoholics, is a completely different issue for anyone with alcoholism. When you look at it plainly a night out at a bar isn't music and lights and sparkling bottles for an alcoholic, it is a very serious choice.

Alcoholism doesn't go away. The only way it get fixed is when we decide we have had enough and that we are going to fight for our lives, because for most of us that truly is the case. Feeling deprived or wondering why we have this affliction keeps us stuck in the cycle. My best friend's husband was diagnosed with brain cancer around the time I got sober. Tragically he passed away last year. What he would have given to have had the opportunity to fix what he suffered from. It put what I was dealing with in stark relief, I was lucky enough to have a fatal issue that I held the cure to...not drinking.

I went from thinking "I can't drink" to knowing "I don't drink". I could either have the life I wanted by giving up alcohol, or I could hold on to the very thing that was killing me and forego it all. I look back now with such an immense feeling of relief that I escaped that misery. What it easy? Hell no. But it is one of the proudest accomplishments of my life.

Hope is not a strategy. And the best time to take action is now when the wounds are fresh... begin to engage with someone else to build up accountability. AA works for some, join a class here, read up on AVRT or Rational Recovery, find a therapist who deals with substance abuse, call your doctor.

The hardest part of being an alcoholic is knowing you have a problem and drinking anyway. I see it as driving the wrong way down a road, why go any further when you know ultimately you are going to have to turn around or risk hitting a wall? I sat in bed one day, hungover, around noon, listening to my daughter laughing outside in the sunshine with a babysitter. I saw it then, what I had become. I picked up my computer, researched substance abuse therapists and made an appointment. That was it....the beginning of the before and after. Just having one other person to hold me accountable started the ball rolling. I will be sober 3 1/2 years in December.

I didn't quit drinking because I had lost everything, I quit because I stood to lose a lot. You have everything within you required to make this change, I promise you, it is so worth it.

sadsadgirl

Such profound words Jaynie, thank you for taking the time to write them out. I agree with you whole heartedly. I haven't lost a lot either but I am playing with fire. I don't want to slide any further down.

I don't care about saying no to things-I know that by saying no I'm doing the right thing by me. I just want to be the best me I can be. Drinking has no place in that.

CaptainHaddock

Hi Sadgirl, how are you feeling today, and is it day 2?

sadsadgirl

Hey CH, sure is day 2. Feeling anxious and panicky about going to work tomorrow. I posted my thoughts in the October thread. I just hate how self inflicted this is. Plus I'm dealing with a really negative person in work who loves to see me mess it up. Why are people like that? Why can't they mind their own business? She seems to want to bring me down constantly.

CaptainHaddock

Well done and keep going. I used to dread Mondays and even went out of my way to make sure I didn't schedule any meetings for a Monday. I promise that if you go to bed sober tonight, you'll be much better equipped to deal with anything that might come your way tomorrow (I am saying this to you as much as I am saying it to myself).

sadsadgirl

Thanks CaptainHaddock! I really am very nervous. There is no way I'm drinking today, I'm done with that "game". It only gets worse and worse. I just don't know how I can deal with the shame. Although I will do it sober. That is for sure.

Does anyone have any idea how to deal with people who thrive off seeing you fail? This girl in particular has really been getting under my skin recently and I'm thinking that it may be best to get a new job, away from her and her constant bringing me down. It seems extreme, but I've been debating it for months. I feel like she has a hold over me because she knows I was drunk in work months ago.

thomas11

Eliminate people who want to see you fail. They serve no purpose in your recovery. Wish you well.

sadsadgirl

Thanks Thomas! I have some tremendous friends who are so loving and supportive! I am planning to increase time with them and cut out the ones who love to see me fail. The latter task is not hard to do, with one exception. But my good friends know about her so I can always rant to them about her, or to you guys! I believe she's a narcissist. So wrapped up in herself and hates the idea I have my own identity and independence.

thomas11

Keep in mind the most important thing is to believe in yourself. your power comes from within you.

sadsadgirl

It's easy to forget that after the beating up I've allowed myself to do with the years of alcohol abuse! But taking ownership of my problem is empowering. However does that attitude conflict with the powerlessness talked about in Step 1?

LadyBlue0527

Hi sadsadgirl,

I see this question often. Step 1 is

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable."

We, ourselves, are not powerless but when it comes to alcohol we definitely are.

I hope this helps. You can do this!

sadsadgirl

Thanks LadyBlue! But then how does the higher power come in? I've got my steps really messed up. :-(

LadyBlue0527

Step 2 Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity

sadsadgirl, it appears that you've accepted that you are powerless over alcohol. Step 2 is what becomes your guidance in continuing on with the steps. For me, my higher power is my voice of reason which has been with me my entire life. This is also known as the God of your understanding.

It sounds like you're leaning towards AA. There's an entire area on the board here where there are great people who have been in the program for many years. I am a mere baby in recovery.

Here's a link:

Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Also, there's a subforum that deals with each of the steps separately, you can find that here:

Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

This is such a great place for recovery, all the information that you need right at your fingertips.

I'm so glad that you're here!

sadsadgirl

LadyBlue-yeah I do lean towards AA-the spirituality aspect speaks to me. That sub forum looks like a good stop for me. I've struggled to find a sponsor since my last one picked up again a few months back.