hopefull24

Hi all. I'm beyond frustrated and just don't know where to turn anymore. Alcohol has now turned into posion and makes me physically sick everyday but also the only thing that cures it for abit.. my anxiety is overwhelming and I feel defeated. I want this.. I NEED this.. why do I choose to self destruct.. I had 119 days almost a year ago.. now I'm struggling to push it till 9 am till the first drink. I'm willing to fight in this moment but then in a next moment I just give in.. no control... I wish someone could help me. I can't keep doing this...

lexilynn

Hi and Hugs! Are you saying that you are intending to drink at 9 am?

Anna

We can offer lots of support, but you are the one who has to step back and not take that first drink. And, you can do it!

Do you have alcohol in the house? If so, get rid of it and don't buy anymore. Distract yourself in any way you can just to get through the minutes and hours.

Delilah1

You are here and posting which shows you want to stop. It sounds like you may benefit from inpatient rehab. Have you thought about this at all?

lexilynn

Thank you Anna! I couldn't understand what she was trying to say. As in if she was just trying to stay sober until 9 am, or what she was saying.

Mountainmanbob

It truly can be a good place to sober up and gather for ones self many how to stay sober tools.

I met a few good new friends in rehab.

M-Bob

hopefull24

Thanks all for the replies. I have the first small drink before 9am to stop the anxiety and racing heart and then I work and wait till 2 for the next one. I don't even get drunk I just drink to maintain some calm I guess. I don't know I'm filled with guilt and regret and need of this roller coaster. Maybe I'm scared.. scared to face reality the withdrawl and a life without booze...I don't want to hit rock bottom. If you met me you would never know I drink or have been drinking.. I maintain a job a house 2 kids and I believe and have been told I do it all well. But it's making me sick.. I can't keep food in I have high blood pressure and I'm just so anxious. I can do it. But I realized I can't do it alone. And I don't have a choice but to with help of SR

Dee74

Hi and welcome back Hopeful

Sometimes you get in so deep the only way out is to clear your house of alcohol and put yourself under house arrest fro a few days while you work out a longer term plan.

If you're worried about withdrawal please do see a Dr.

If you can;t manage to stay under house arrest then maybe you need more real world support like AA or some other recovery group, or perhaps rehab is something worth considering?

I got in a situation where I started drinking at 5 pm, then 3 pm, then lunchtime.

By the end I was struggling not to start til 9am...and then, I even gave up on that.

I think that's the struggle the OP is talking about

D

hopefull24

Thank you.. I keep trying to make it I pour it out I tape my kids pictures to it. My heart is truly in it to make this work.. it's my mind that screws it up

MIRecovery

For me will power was never enough. I needed a plan, a willingness to do things that made me uncomfortable, professional help, honesty and external support.

The question you need to ask yourself is, "Are you willing to do what is necessary?"

REsoberALITY

Hello and Welcome back. I see no reason to keep it around at all. Pour it all and don't buy more. The temptation to relieve your pain is too strong in the beginning. Your mind will literally try almost anything to make you pour yourself a drink. Stay busy, start reading, posting, anything to occupy your mind.

You CAN do this.

Zebra1275

SR is a great place, and was a big help to me in getting sober.

But I found I also needed some face to face help, and for me, that ended up being AA.

Quincy

I can relate to how you feel. I think they call it being a functional alcoholic. It's like living two different lives which for me was too much juggling the two. Isn't it hard enough to live one life well? I spent the better part of a year thinking and hoping to quit.

It wasn't until I was sick of it and WANTED to quit that I did, but even after I wanted to quit the next hurdle was breaking the cycle. It was a rough week or so, but once my body cleared the alcohol and the withdraws I was able to work on a plan.

EndGameNYC

Given your account of your symptoms and your method of managing them, it seems that you're in the late stages of alcoholism. And even though drinking does nothing for you but temporarily quiet your shaking and your extreme anxiety, you say that you cannot think about living your life without alcohol. Many of us have been there.

Your symptoms are serious, and possibly life-threatening. They will only get worse without the proper treatment.

I think the best thing and the safest thing is to get yourself into medically supervised detox. Please don't wait any longer to get the help you need.

thomas11

Hi and welcome. I concur with what others have stated, your description of symptoms sound like you're in pretty deep and that medical attention may be required. I also think your health is at risk. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I wish you the best. Report back regularly if you can.

D122y

Hope,

Def. Sounds like lateish stage alcoholism.

The detox will be tough. It might kill you.

Get help if you can afford it. Do you have health insurance?

911 can have you in a medically supervised detox in less than an hour.

Tell them the truth...tell them you worry you are having a heart attack...heart pallipatations = heart attack

I understand that this will change your life in a major way....People will know...your work will know....

Otherwise....

Tapering is dangerous and not recommended. I went through hell on earth for at least a month....then it really sucked for several months....

Ive dealt with ptsd for the last 15 months or so.....probably from the way I quit...

It worked out so far...but I was lucky.

Thanks.

Rupert

I wish you the best of luck, hopefull. I am feeling equally out of control right now and getting quite desperate. We CAN get better though. That I know.

hopefull24

I have been to my doctor in June and quit for 10 days.. no serious withdrawal she doesn't seem to be worried with it being bad. Now I'm more paranoid. I think I have the heart racing and sweats and nausea cause my anxiety. I drink about 18 Oz a day of whiskey with coke in a 13 hour time frame.. everyone around me says your fine you can do it. She gave me a rx for Valium if needed. I feel like I can't win either way. My heart always races and blood pressure high and hands go numb and I gag and throw up but I chalk it up to anxiety.. not eating and just filling myself with rye coke (like coke a cola) and smokes. I drink 2 liters of coke a day so the carbanation makes me full I guess.. if I go back to the doctor who I have had since I was 12 she will question why I'm not taking the anxiety meds.. I dot want to take them while I drink because I'm scared to mix.. here's a question: do you believe alcohol is a physical addiction or mental? Do you believe reading about withdrawl can cause it? When I quit for 119 days I stopped cold turkey after 5 solid years of everyday hard drinking and had minor effects. I don't have control to tapper and I don't have means to do a detox. My best case scenario is to be around family to monitor me and stay on here

hopefull24

Thank you

hopefull24

Big hugs. We can do it.. but what's our plan?