lexilynn

Thank you for the explanation, yes I was the same way.

Dee74

Great ideas on making a plan here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

Delizadee

First step is simple, remove all alcohol.

Second step, is planning how to manage an alcohol free life.

I can tell you my downfall has been this:
Rigorous honesty, and half measures.

If you want to be sober, be honest with yourself, and with others.

And if you want to be sober, making half hearted attempts will just get us drunk again. We have to put as much effort in to our sobriety as we did our addictions.

This has been my downfall, doesn't have to be for anyone of us if we make a good plan and get some good support

EndGameNYC

From what you describe, you've been taking in a lot of alcohol, a lot of caffeine, and a lot of sugar. I mean, a lot.

You're demonstrating signs of both physical and psychological dependence. Your physical symptoms are obvious. Your body seems to be rejecting alcohol, and it doesn't seem as though you get any benefits from drinking besides symptom management. Your idea that you cannot conceive of living without alcohol is clearly part of your psychological dependence. It's time to invoke Occam's rather, when the simpler among two explanations is usually better. Rather than search for other reasons as to why you're experiencing both physical and psychological dependence, how about settling on the most obvious and the most immediate cause: your drinking. Even if there are other explanations for your symptoms, they seem to be getting worse over time, and you need to do something about that.

It's often not about how much we drink, but how our drinking affects us. In your case it seems to be both. You need to stop bargaining with your severe anxiety, your inability to keep food down and the likelihood that you've done or are doing damage to your digestive system and perhaps also your internal organs, and your shaking and other physical symptoms.

I'd be paranoid if I were you as well. I don't know what you have and have not told your doctor about your drinking and your severe physical symptoms, but it's well past time to get help.

january161992

my plan was/ is

meetings
sponsor
steps
service
higher power

PurpleKnight

Alcohol addiction is a real thing, if I could have controlled it, flipped the switch and got on with my life, I would never have darkened SRs door, addiction is a serious business.

So for me the solution also meant some huge life changing steps to break the cycle, push alcohol to the kerb and rebuild my life.

It's not easy, but it's worth it, you can do this!!

hopefull24

I made it till 2 30 today without a drink. Huge big step.. I have one since then and am going for only 3 today. If moderation and cutting back doesn't work then I don't know

Soberwolf

If you can't moderate that's a massive red flag make sure you continue to check in

MIRecovery

Unfortunately moderation is the fantasy of every alcoholic. The reason it didn't work for me is when I was honest with myself what I really was trying to find was how I could be a drunk without the consequences. Tried for 20 years and never found a way to drink like other people. I have two speeds drunk and sober with nothing in between

D122y

Alcohol addiction is both physical and mental. When we quit, the physical goes away fairly quickly, the mental lasts forever.

Addiction is forever.

Relapses get worse and worse.

Some folks give up trying and die eventually from some alcoholic induced issue.

Get through the physical. Change your life to be content w out booze. Deal w the long term mental issues.

I am clean 17 months and I am still getting used to normal.

Read and post here. This place is all I really use to stay sober.

madgirl

This thing we share turns dark and nasty - that is for sure. You may think you are successfully hiding it, but you aren't. Now that I have been sober awhile, I can smell it on my husband almost immediately and he doesnt drink every day.

My point in telljng you this is meant to encourage you to be honest about your addiction with your family - they already know, and it serves to make you more accountable. If I tried keeping all of this under wraps, I would be drinking again in no time - esoecially because I am feeling so much better physically.

Be honest, admit powerlessness over alcohol and get yourself in a supervised situation for detox. Big hugs - I know this is scary.

Algorithm

Valium is a benzodiazepine, and is cross-tolerant with alcohol. This means that the two drugs are very similar in mechanism, and Valium will alleviate the withdrawal symptoms of alcohol, which often manifest as anxiety.

Absolutely do not mix Valium with alcohol under any circumstances. Since they are cross-tolerant, this can lead to an overdose.

If your doctor can prescribe you Valium, she can probably prescribe you an outpatient (home) alcohol detox, which uses similar drugs. This usually takes about four days by tapering down, but you would have to get rid of the alcohol supply in the house and not mix alcohol with the detox pills.

hopefull24

I appreciate everyone's time and effort posting... I'll come back when I make it to a good place.. right now I feel like a pity party and sound grumpy and negative and that's not what I want.. I would love to be posting about my success but I only have failures upon failures..

Behappy1

If we were all a success, we wouldn't need SR. What you're feeling right now is the alcohol talking. Anxious, negative, zero self esteem, self hatred, shakes, pity parties galore. That is the alcohol. Alcohol gave me that SAME voice!

I know you said tapering - if you say you can't quit cold turkey, can you at least ditch the 2 liters of coke for water and eat something? I am sure your body is screaming of dehydration. I also agree that alcohol and benzo's should never be mixed. Sounds to me like you need to see a different doctor or maybe lay it all out on the table with how bad it really is with her?

Hang around here. Without our dark days, we don't appreciate the light.

Dee74

Moderation was like torture for me...if my kick off time was set at 3pm all I could think about was that first drink - and still I tried to convince myself that not only was that 'control' but it was normal behaviour...everyone obsessed and saivated for that first drink, right?

Nope.

Then when I pushed kickoff back to 2.00 or lunch time or, evben eventually when I woke up, I was still in denial thinking I could moderate.

It was like Russian roulette. Every time I thought I'd gained control, I'd lose control again...

I know what works - abstinence.
I'm not saying that to annoy you - it really does work.

I hope you'll try it.

D