Newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: uk
Posts: 60
Newbie
Hi All,
I found this site and have been reading through a lot of the forums. Like many on here I am in need of help and know it will be a long and difficult journey. I have been a heavy drinker for over 20 years mainly Lager, Cider and Wine and have somehow managed to hold down reasonably good jobs.
Last Thursday I hit rock bottom whilst on holiday and last Friday I decided enough was enough and although losing my wife, mainly through my appalling behaviour due to drink and very recently my girlfriend again through my constant bouts of drinking I have decided I not only need to change but MUST change.
I have been kidding myself for too many years that it was other peoples fault. After a terrible day on holiday when I had the worst row with the ex-girlfriend on the phone and found myself on the verge of contemplating suicide I woke up last Friday knowing I had to do something not just for my family and Kids but most of all for myself.
So on Friday I took the first step and decided I would have a dry day, I believed this would be tricky as I was in Cyprus and know so many of the bars but the shame of the night before spurred me on and I did it. I repeated it on the Saturday and Sunday and although not easy I have a burning desire to end this spiralling whirlpool that has been sucking me down for the last 20 plus years.
I have gone a month without a drink before (a couple of times)and then seriously believed that I could become a socialable drinker. Who was I kidding!!
So I thought I would post on here. Today is my 9th day without a drink. I am hoping for a few things, to stay sober, get my health and fitness back and start to rebuild my life.
I am not sure whether to go to AA meetings as I undoubtedly need support but I am unsure about the religious bits that go with the meetings but am planning on going to see my Doctor next week to talk it through with him.
Anyway good luck to all.
Rob
I found this site and have been reading through a lot of the forums. Like many on here I am in need of help and know it will be a long and difficult journey. I have been a heavy drinker for over 20 years mainly Lager, Cider and Wine and have somehow managed to hold down reasonably good jobs.
Last Thursday I hit rock bottom whilst on holiday and last Friday I decided enough was enough and although losing my wife, mainly through my appalling behaviour due to drink and very recently my girlfriend again through my constant bouts of drinking I have decided I not only need to change but MUST change.
I have been kidding myself for too many years that it was other peoples fault. After a terrible day on holiday when I had the worst row with the ex-girlfriend on the phone and found myself on the verge of contemplating suicide I woke up last Friday knowing I had to do something not just for my family and Kids but most of all for myself.
So on Friday I took the first step and decided I would have a dry day, I believed this would be tricky as I was in Cyprus and know so many of the bars but the shame of the night before spurred me on and I did it. I repeated it on the Saturday and Sunday and although not easy I have a burning desire to end this spiralling whirlpool that has been sucking me down for the last 20 plus years.
I have gone a month without a drink before (a couple of times)and then seriously believed that I could become a socialable drinker. Who was I kidding!!
So I thought I would post on here. Today is my 9th day without a drink. I am hoping for a few things, to stay sober, get my health and fitness back and start to rebuild my life.
I am not sure whether to go to AA meetings as I undoubtedly need support but I am unsure about the religious bits that go with the meetings but am planning on going to see my Doctor next week to talk it through with him.
Anyway good luck to all.
Rob
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Rob, welcome.
Congrats on 9 days...that is great.
I know I cannot stay sober without a program of recovery. I cannot stay sober without a community of recovery alcoholics around me.
I too have had many 'reasons' for not attending AA. Its a cult. I don't want it to take over my life (btw, I have no life now). I'm not 'religious'. AA is a spiritual program. But it is not religious. The foundation of the program is admitting I am powerless over alcohol. The illusion of control and that I can 'manage' my alcoholism on my own is what is keeping me sick. Letting go, and letting a power higher other than myself (whatever that power is) take all the things that are out of my control, is what makes the program work.
That being said there are secular programs like Smart Recovery as well. I just think 'some' program, whatever it is, will increase your likelihood for success.
Good luck.
Congrats on 9 days...that is great.
I know I cannot stay sober without a program of recovery. I cannot stay sober without a community of recovery alcoholics around me.
I too have had many 'reasons' for not attending AA. Its a cult. I don't want it to take over my life (btw, I have no life now). I'm not 'religious'. AA is a spiritual program. But it is not religious. The foundation of the program is admitting I am powerless over alcohol. The illusion of control and that I can 'manage' my alcoholism on my own is what is keeping me sick. Letting go, and letting a power higher other than myself (whatever that power is) take all the things that are out of my control, is what makes the program work.
That being said there are secular programs like Smart Recovery as well. I just think 'some' program, whatever it is, will increase your likelihood for success.
Good luck.
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
Congratulations. Very solid start. It is a difficult road. I guess we all just look for all the help we can get. I am almost 5 months sober now. Tried AA for the first 3 months but it really was boring. This site is good. Knowlegeable people with very little judgement. Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: uk
Posts: 60
Many thanks to all. I have googled AA meeting and there are plenty locally. I will maybe attend one tomorrow evening and see how it goes, I guess I just don't know what to expect. But yes I do realise I am powerless over alcohol, I sincerely wish I could have one or two drinks, like most people, but it always used to end up with a skinful and I realise it just has to stop.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Welcome to SR and congrats on 9 days.
I'm only on day 2 today, but something in your post stood out to me.. it's the exgf/acting a drunken fool and suicide. That was me this past week. I actually had a "Dday" I was drunk and had planned the day and time.Last week my exgf, had asked me to "stop drinking for 30days" to, What i can only guess,prove I'm not an alchy? Instead of that I went on a 5day binge due to "stress about my court case"(seriously... I drank to handle stress about something my drinking caused? What kind of rationale is that? So, there I was this past Wen,drank ALL day,blackout,sent some very irrational texts to her, a few calls I don't remember,argued(I guess). That was it for me," I'm a drunk and I can't live like this anymore. I'll end my life tomorrow afternoon(Thur)" This was the drink plotting but,it could go bad while drunk.
When I woke up thur,hot cold sweats, trembling hands, I emptied out my stash into the sink. Cleaned my house. Shower/shaved and decided to not end my life. Instead to start living it without the toxic abuse from both the bottle and my ex in it again. I called a buddy of mine that owns a cabin out of town(dry little town) and asked to borrow it for 5days.. Here I sit, holed up going through the motions of withdrawl, but I'm going to be ok. It's beautiful up here too!
I'm only on day 2 today, but something in your post stood out to me.. it's the exgf/acting a drunken fool and suicide. That was me this past week. I actually had a "Dday" I was drunk and had planned the day and time.Last week my exgf, had asked me to "stop drinking for 30days" to, What i can only guess,prove I'm not an alchy? Instead of that I went on a 5day binge due to "stress about my court case"(seriously... I drank to handle stress about something my drinking caused? What kind of rationale is that? So, there I was this past Wen,drank ALL day,blackout,sent some very irrational texts to her, a few calls I don't remember,argued(I guess). That was it for me," I'm a drunk and I can't live like this anymore. I'll end my life tomorrow afternoon(Thur)" This was the drink plotting but,it could go bad while drunk.
When I woke up thur,hot cold sweats, trembling hands, I emptied out my stash into the sink. Cleaned my house. Shower/shaved and decided to not end my life. Instead to start living it without the toxic abuse from both the bottle and my ex in it again. I called a buddy of mine that owns a cabin out of town(dry little town) and asked to borrow it for 5days.. Here I sit, holed up going through the motions of withdrawl, but I'm going to be ok. It's beautiful up here too!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hi Rob! It's good to meet you. 
I felt all alone until I came here. The support & friendship was just what I needed, & greatly helped with my anxiety. No one else in my life understood what I was going through. You can do this!
I felt all alone until I came here. The support & friendship was just what I needed, & greatly helped with my anxiety. No one else in my life understood what I was going through. You can do this!
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