Feel like crying
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Derbyshire Dales, UK.
Posts: 2,618
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
Others may disagree but I do not see this as something that requires you to go back to day one. A mistake was made but it wasn't your mistake. I would have been furious at the idiot and would have made a very large scene by calling him every degrading word I could think of
I would also be furious as hell - what if one of the people there was on some anti-booze medication, but wanted to keep it quiet? Or some heart pills etc and wanted to keep their health to themselves?
I get more angry, the more I think about that <bleep>!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 249
I've had this done to me by "friends" even my brother(!) who knew I was in AA. To them it was a big joke.
I mean several times! Intentionally... big joke to them. Just about every time I relapsed.
I was just in the chat room. I have been around AA for close to 30 years! I was sober 9 years.
I've been thinking about this since you posted Virginia.
I agree with the "mulligan" but do what you can live with.
We value our sober date, but really it is about today and the days ahead.
Just my 2 cents.
Much respect Virginia for even posting.
Snarly
I mean several times! Intentionally... big joke to them. Just about every time I relapsed.
I was just in the chat room. I have been around AA for close to 30 years! I was sober 9 years.
I've been thinking about this since you posted Virginia.
I agree with the "mulligan" but do what you can live with.
We value our sober date, but really it is about today and the days ahead.
Just my 2 cents.
Much respect Virginia for even posting.
Snarly
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 113
With respect SR's post, I think that sometimes we do need to be made aware of our denials and in that, SR is being supportive to you but I also believe that there is no need to justify our actions. We learn through our experiences and that is the bottom line; if we are lying to ourselves, there is a transformative experience there.
You are here posting; that speaks volumes and I am sure you will get what you need from this experience and all the great responses.
Thanks for posting.
******{HUGS******
You are here posting; that speaks volumes and I am sure you will get what you need from this experience and all the great responses.
Thanks for posting.
******{HUGS******
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I'm sorry this happened to you.
The most important person who needs to understand that there was no knowledge of alcohol being in the punch is you. Honesty with yourself is key. If you truly didn't know then get past it. Even if you did, get past it. Harboring feelings about it isn't helpful in what you're trying to do. Just recognize it for what it is and make the necessary changes so it doesn't happen again.
Learn from the experience. Dedicated sobriety means pulling out ALL stops to ensure that nothing like this could ever happen. When I attend anything where alcohol is involved I bring far more than enough non alcoholic beverages for the evening. In fact, if I forget and leave my drink anywhere and walk away I won't even drink it when I come back. It gets dumped and I get another. I would never drink from a punch bowl, ever. There isn't a running joke about someone spiking the punch bowl for nothing.
You can get past this, just be mindful of what you need to do to insure that it doesn't happen again.
The most important person who needs to understand that there was no knowledge of alcohol being in the punch is you. Honesty with yourself is key. If you truly didn't know then get past it. Even if you did, get past it. Harboring feelings about it isn't helpful in what you're trying to do. Just recognize it for what it is and make the necessary changes so it doesn't happen again.
Learn from the experience. Dedicated sobriety means pulling out ALL stops to ensure that nothing like this could ever happen. When I attend anything where alcohol is involved I bring far more than enough non alcoholic beverages for the evening. In fact, if I forget and leave my drink anywhere and walk away I won't even drink it when I come back. It gets dumped and I get another. I would never drink from a punch bowl, ever. There isn't a running joke about someone spiking the punch bowl for nothing.
You can get past this, just be mindful of what you need to do to insure that it doesn't happen again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 179
I am so sorry that you went through this. Shame on your neighbor. I am proud of you for not continuing drinking...if this happened to me I would be either polishing off the punch or, going to local wine shop. So, I commend you for that.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I noticed you referred to the person as a neighbour. I do hope she is not a friend because someone with a finance who would do something so potentially harmful to others is not a friend. It's important to be extremely careful who you spend time with in early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
the bottom line here is that someone secretly drugged other people...
and that is fact no matter how they wish to down play the matter...
what if it had been "roofies" or some other substance, to me there is no difference, I've heard of people unwittingly ingesting LSD from a similar circumstance... yeah, he may have thought he was playing a joke or just having fun, but in reality, it is no laughing matter AND it is against the law to 'drug' someone without their knowledge...
your remorse for this event is understandable, but as others have already mentioned, you did not consciously partake in the act of 'drinking'...
put it behind you and move on,
myself? I would surely let them know how it has affected you however you wish to approach it... being silent can also be construed as being compliant
and that is fact no matter how they wish to down play the matter...
what if it had been "roofies" or some other substance, to me there is no difference, I've heard of people unwittingly ingesting LSD from a similar circumstance... yeah, he may have thought he was playing a joke or just having fun, but in reality, it is no laughing matter AND it is against the law to 'drug' someone without their knowledge...
your remorse for this event is understandable, but as others have already mentioned, you did not consciously partake in the act of 'drinking'...
put it behind you and move on,
myself? I would surely let them know how it has affected you however you wish to approach it... being silent can also be construed as being compliant
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Lolly26
Dont see it as failure. You didnt choose to drink and the fact that you feel so bad about it shows how commited you really are. Put it behind you and pretend it didnt happen.
M-Bob
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
It's likely that some of us have had a similar experience without ever knowing it.
People's booze-detection systems differ in sensitivity. I generally smell the alcohol before I even bring it to my lips. Even though I tend to avoid situations and events where alcohol is served, and am careful about what I drink, I have no way of being certain that I haven't ingested alcohol since I got sober, no matter how improbable that might be.
In order to get sober, I needed to come to terms with the reality that, at the very least, I was also a liar. I wouldn't question your honesty, and as LadyBlue commented, more important than your drinking is what you do next. In defense of any suspicions that people may carry, and having survived my own dishonesty, denial and acts of bad faith, it's natural, and sometimes difficult, to take the word of anyone who loses control of his drinking at face value. Especially when there's alcohol involved. That doesn't mean that I assume that someone, or anyone, is lying. It means I've learned from my experience.
Continue to do what you've been doing to stay sober, and don't punish yourself for having made an honest mistake.
People's booze-detection systems differ in sensitivity. I generally smell the alcohol before I even bring it to my lips. Even though I tend to avoid situations and events where alcohol is served, and am careful about what I drink, I have no way of being certain that I haven't ingested alcohol since I got sober, no matter how improbable that might be.
In order to get sober, I needed to come to terms with the reality that, at the very least, I was also a liar. I wouldn't question your honesty, and as LadyBlue commented, more important than your drinking is what you do next. In defense of any suspicions that people may carry, and having survived my own dishonesty, denial and acts of bad faith, it's natural, and sometimes difficult, to take the word of anyone who loses control of his drinking at face value. Especially when there's alcohol involved. That doesn't mean that I assume that someone, or anyone, is lying. It means I've learned from my experience.
Continue to do what you've been doing to stay sober, and don't punish yourself for having made an honest mistake.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
That's a shocking thing to do. I think you should be kinder to yourself though - you didn't intentionally drink.
Do use this as a lesson though. I always ensure I know what I am drinking. I always pour my own or ensure I see it come straight from the bottle. I'd never drink from a communal juice/jug/punch type thing - you just never know who has put what in it.
Pick yourself up and start again-we're all here for you
Do use this as a lesson though. I always ensure I know what I am drinking. I always pour my own or ensure I see it come straight from the bottle. I'd never drink from a communal juice/jug/punch type thing - you just never know who has put what in it.
Pick yourself up and start again-we're all here for you
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by VirginiaWoof
Should add, the chap did confess before anybody had got in to their car - so I suppose that is something in his favour.
intentionally drugging someone is a crime.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Virginia, I am so very sorry this happened. I can see being unable to detect the taste; I'm not sure I would have, either.
You did nothing wrong. I am horrified by the behavior that went on in this home, though, and may not accept another invitation there.
You're going to be all right, Virginia.
You did nothing wrong. I am horrified by the behavior that went on in this home, though, and may not accept another invitation there.
You're going to be all right, Virginia.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Venecia, wow, that's truly an awful thing to have done to you and others.
and i'm also shocked to hear from others that this is apparently a fairly common thing at parties...i thought of "slipping" things into drinks only in terms of so-called date-rape drugs in bars. i'm naive.
this seems to me a true example of "learn from this experience" as something useful and beneficial you can gain for your future .
as for day one again, nah, why?
you had neither intent nor knowledge.
at least one of those, imo, is required to reset the date.
(hm...if you have knowledge, and then drink, you'd have intent, too. but you could have intent, and by some weird fluke end up with something non-alcoholic, which would be ....i digress down controversial garden paths.)
if you have no doubts that you had no doubts you weren't drinking alcohol, then i'd see no need to have a new day one whatsoever.
(interesting, how that puts it clearly into the realm of mind/thinking instead of physical event.)
and i'm also shocked to hear from others that this is apparently a fairly common thing at parties...i thought of "slipping" things into drinks only in terms of so-called date-rape drugs in bars. i'm naive.
this seems to me a true example of "learn from this experience" as something useful and beneficial you can gain for your future .
as for day one again, nah, why?
you had neither intent nor knowledge.
at least one of those, imo, is required to reset the date.
(hm...if you have knowledge, and then drink, you'd have intent, too. but you could have intent, and by some weird fluke end up with something non-alcoholic, which would be ....i digress down controversial garden paths.)
if you have no doubts that you had no doubts you weren't drinking alcohol, then i'd see no need to have a new day one whatsoever.
(interesting, how that puts it clearly into the realm of mind/thinking instead of physical event.)
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