PiratePrentice

I'm on Day 4. I'm really proud of myself. I'm setting my goals low, which is a good idea, I think. For instance, my goal right now is making it a week. Then two weeks. Then a month. And so on, until I'm living sober.

That said, one of my best friends is getting married on Saturday. That'll be my first week marker.

I'll be going to the reception, and I'm concerned I'll drink. At this point, I'm pretty positive I'll make the decision to have a few drinks. I never get invited to weddings, probably because I have so few friends.

If I do drink at the reception, I'll be able to keep it there and go back to sobriety. I'm not going to have some sort of relapse. It would be a one-off deal.

Is it considered a slip if I plan it ahead of time? I know sobriety is 100% abstinence, but I feel like if I make the decision to drink on this special occasion, I can stay proud of myself for my overall recent sobriety and not feel like it's counting against my sober lifestyle. I don't want to have to hit the reset button in my mind for one evening of moderate, social drinking that's under control.

I know you can't promote drinking in any form here, and I know ahead of time how people are going to respond to this post. No one is going to be supportive of this choice, because that's your job as a sober community. My logic is going to be attacked and flaws are going to be pointed out.

I just feel like this is an okay thing to do. I want to be able to have a few drinks Saturday and not spend the next few days beating myself up over it because I have the mindset of I'll have screwed up completely and I'll be back to Day One.

I don't know. Again, I know how everyone will respond. I just wanted to write this.

sg1970

Well. At least you are honest. Why not go to the wedding, skip the reception, and stay sober. And don't use the excuse that you can't miss your best friends reception. Sobriety is more important than the reception is.

Soberwolf

My advice is don't go if you know your going to drink what made you make a day 1 and why are you even considering drinking ?

MIRecovery

We can be in recovery or be a drunk the choice is and always will be ours and ours alone

tomsteve

reads like a dam good attempt at rationalizing insanity.
many people don't get a second chance at recovery.

PiratePrentice

Honestly, it's that kind of dogmatic, binary logic that sometimes alienates me. I think, as with anything, there's always going to be some middle ground.

Berrybean

No middle ground for an alcoholic.

Soberwolf

Not when it comes to sobriety there is no middle ground the fact your trying to compromise yours should be a red flag for yourself

Why did you get sober in the first place & why is alcohol so important to you that your haphazardly willing to drink & then not drink ... drink & not drink trust me I havnt touched in 3 years I don't miss it 1 bit

VirginiaWoof

Sadly not with alcoholism. The middle ground is moderation and if we could moderate then we wouldn't have an alcohol problem.

People aren't being judgemental, but talking from experience.

sg1970

No. There is no middle ground here. The only middle ground would be moderation.

PiratePrentice

I've never considered myself an alcoholic. I'm positive I'm not. I never let it get that far. I posted my story a few weeks back. Drinking is a manifestation of my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I've never been dependent on alcohol. It was just an obsession where I'd buy beer, get that compulsion out, not drink it for almost the entire night, but then go ahead and drink it anyway before I went to bed, just because I had it. I only decided I wanted to stop, because it was becoming an every day thing, and I was gaining weight and my liver enzymes were becoming elevated. I've always been able to stop whenever I want to (like I did four days ago) without any issues. I don't get cravings. I guess you could say I'm a binge/problem drinker. In the three years I spent obsessing over alcohol, there were many days where I went without. Sometimes I just forgot about drinking. But recently, it was becoming something I was doing every night. I wanted to lose weight and get healthier, so I decided to stop. That's where I am now. I think there's plenty of room for moderation or a social drink for me.

biminiblue

It is binary.

If you have the problem with alcohol that you have talked about in past posts, you are either a drinker or you are sober.

Each time you start over you are getting further down the rabbit hole. There are always going to be weddings/birthdays/Christmas/New Years/St Patricks Day/football games, etc.

Pick today to quit.

It's gonna get worse for you before it gets better.

Have you read about Kindling? Might want to educate yourself about the physical dangers of the stop-start thing you keep doing.

Next drunk may be your last.

Ariesagain

Here is your first post...why not reread it? Your words, not ours.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-my-story.html

You joined three years ago and you are still bargaining with your alcohol dependency. Believe me, I wish that worked...but it really, really doesn't.

PiratePrentice

I finally got in to see my new therapist yesterday. She actually suggested I stop posting here, because "sobriety" was becoming my new obsession. She said it was just as an unhealthy obsession as drinking. Obviously healthier, in regards to my physical health. But she said posting here and using things like apps that track my sobriety to the second aren't helpful and are just feeding into a new obsession where I'm mistakenly identifying myself as an alcoholic. So I think there is middle ground. Where I'm not obsessing over drinking and where I'm not obsessing over sobriety. Where I just move on and find other activities in my life and not worry about drinking. Obviously abstain as much as possible to get my liver healthier, but not spending all my time worrying that I'm drinking/not drinking. Otherwise I'm setting myself up for disaster by either A) Thinking I have a problem so bad that I feed into it and actually make it a problem by drinking excessive amounts, or B) Thinking I absolutely need to be completely sober 100% and feeling extreme shame or mental agony when I drink normally.

So, I don't know. I guess I'm conflicted. I suppose I should take her advice. In which case, thanks everyone for supporting me the past few weeks, and I hope I was able to help some people.

doggonecarl

You mean like normal drinkers? That train has left the station.

tomsteve

I haven't seen anyone at succeed at outsmarting alcoholism.

evr thing maybe, just maybe theres a dual diagnosis possibility?
Substance abuse, depression and other anxiety disorders often co-occur with OCD

dwtbd

You know the phrase "The New Normal", why not "The New Middle" : not consuming alcohol(for the health benefits, physical and mental) and not worrying/obsessing about it.
What is it about alcohol that you feel you need to have in your life? Like a bandaid rip it off, done , no problem then no problem. But there is more to it , yes ?

Maudcat

Hey, Pirate. . If I'm understanding your posts correctly, your primary condition is Obsessive-compulsive Disorder, and you are as likely to obsess over being sober as you are over drinking. Am I right in assuming that your therapist is less worried about your alcohol consumption than about the fact you will obsess about it or, in the absence of alcohol, that you will obsess about sobriety? Tough situation for you to be in.
Something I have observed about people with OCD tendencies: they are scary good at quitting something when they decide to. My father-in-law, who had some ocd stuff going on, I think, though it was never diagnosed, quit a two-pack-a-day smoking habit cold turkey. Woke up one morning, told my mil that he was done, and done he was. So..I don't doubt that when you decide that you have done enough drinking, you will stop. Take care of yourself. Check back after the wedding to let us know how you did. Peace.

ReadyAtLast

I had to think before I wrote this as do not want to upset you but feel pretty annoyed at your therapist!

I would be very wary of any therapist who told me I didn't have a drink problem. It's such a subjective thing that only we truly know whether we have a problem or not. Of course some people such as friends and families see us drinking etc but only we know the extent of our problem and sure your therapist only knows what you tell her/him. of course we play things down or maybe not but only we know if we have a problem.

If sobriety is your aim then going with the intention of having a few drinks isn't a great plan

IMO there is nothing wrong with obsessing over sobriety. It takes over most of us especially in the early weeks and months - it has to for it to work. Better obsessing over sobriety than drinking. And who is your therapist to tell you to stop using a website if you feel it is helping you.

It sounds like you want to be a 'normal' drinker and moderate etc and perhaps have said that to your therapist. Normal drinkers and moderate drinkers don't think about it though - it just is.

PiratePrentice

Exactly. We didn't discuss the upcoming reception, but the idea would be that, if I'm obsessing over drinking, then I'm going to concern my thoughts in the coming days as, what kind of drinks will they have, what kind of beer, how much beer will they have, how much would be acceptable to drink, how much I should drink, how much will other people be drinking, etc. If I'm obsessing over sobriety, my thoughts will be things like, they're probably going to be serving drinks there, if I drink I will be a major disappointment to myself, I'll have to start completely from scratch, any progress I've made so far will count for absolutely nothing, I need to wake up and post to SR a thread called 'Upcoming wedding reception,' I need to think ahead to make sure there won't be any other occasions coming up, I'll have to post on here telling everyone that I drank, I have to feel ashamed, I shouldn't go, etc.

In either case, I'm spending so much time in my head, that I'm not looking at the reality of the situation. Which is, I am going to a wedding reception. Full stop. The thought of "alcohol" shouldn't be any more prevalent than thoughts like "dancing" or "eating" or "formal dress" or any other incidental word that might come up in a word association. None of these things are important, and to spend substantial periods of time thinking about any of them is just engaging in obsessive thinking.

Cigarettes are extremely related to OCD. Smoking is common in a HUGE population of people with mental illness. I'm a smoker, as well. And cigarettes are complete obsessions and compulsions. I don't have cravings to smoke. Never have. It'll just be a certain time, and, if I'm in an environment where I can smoke, I'll think, "Time to smoke a cigarette." Or I'll be doing something I associate with smoking, and I'll smoke. The fact that I happen to burn through a pack a day is incidental. I don't intentionally smoke that many. I have no doubt that if I wanted to quit smoking, I would, like your father-in-law, just be able to stop cold turkey and move on with my life. That's how it is with drinking, as well, whenever I've decided that I'm done drinking, I just say, "I'm done drinking" and I don't drink. It's the obsessive thinking I described that often brings me back to drinking. Not addicted nor dependent on it- I've just allowed it to dominate my brain for the past three years or so.

Before drinking, it was magazines. I would think about buying magazines all day long, and I would feel compelled to go to every store I could and buy an issue of every magazine. I would never read them- I was just thinking about them so much that I felt like I had to buy them. Once my therapist helped me get rid of that obsession, I just stopped buying them. Occasionally, once every two months or so, I'll still pick up a magazine here and there, but only if it's something I'm actually going to read. That's how I would view the endgame of getting rid of drinking or sobriety obsessions- but with alcohol.