Upcoming wedding reception
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Originally Posted by Soberwolf 
When one is too many a thousand is never enough
What made you think alcohol was important enough to drink again did you miss it because if you did thats a massive red flag
This is your life don't let alcohol sell you short
What made you think alcohol was important enough to drink again did you miss it because if you did thats a massive red flag
This is your life don't let alcohol sell you short
I didn't miss drinking. At all. If I did, I would have gone overboard or kept up with my friends. It was just that I was at a wedding reception and it seemed appropriate to drink. When I had the first beer, it's not like I felt as though I was getting away with something, and I wasn't rationalizing it. It didn't feel like I cheated the system or that I was using it as an excuse to drink again. I didn't even think about it. It's not as though it felt I was filling a craving that I've been missing for the past week. I just sat down with my beer, made it last for a long time, then someone offered to get me another one on his trip there, and then I had one more because we still had some hours to go. I wasn't calculating it in my head. I may as well have just been drinking the lemonade or tea. It wasn't on my mind. I was too focused on catching up with old friends (who were thinking about drinking and who were going past social drinking). I don't know. It was a normal thing to do, I think.
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This is just my take on it PP. Regardless of labels, alcoholic, problem drinker, obsessive, whatever it doesn't really matter.
People who drink normally and have a normal relationship with alcohol just do it. They don't think about it, they don't count drinks, they don't have reasons as to why they had a drink, excuses why they had a drink, they don't have a drink just because everyone else was drinking. They don't browse the internet for alcohol recovery forums and sign up to them. ( not that we don't want you
)
If you don't have a problem that's fine. But it's not us you have to convince. Being honest with yourself is what matters. No one on here is going to say that's great, you carry on drinking.
But normal drinkers don't obsess over alcohol.,Ever.
People who drink normally and have a normal relationship with alcohol just do it. They don't think about it, they don't count drinks, they don't have reasons as to why they had a drink, excuses why they had a drink, they don't have a drink just because everyone else was drinking. They don't browse the internet for alcohol recovery forums and sign up to them. ( not that we don't want you
) If you don't have a problem that's fine. But it's not us you have to convince. Being honest with yourself is what matters. No one on here is going to say that's great, you carry on drinking.
But normal drinkers don't obsess over alcohol.,Ever.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
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I think we were both at wedding receptions at the same time (same day anyway). I was being bridesmaid and so was sitting at the top table. Lots of the people sitting with me seemed to have alcoholic thinking going on - in fact the brides brother told me he was probably an alcoholic (but there's nothing he can do about it so no point trying). I didn't go into any details apart from what he asked outright re my not drinking. It's not something I'm ashamed of now (Ie not drinking because when I do, my life goes pear-shaped). I was the only one nit drinking apart from the children there. I did get a bit bored at some points but then, it was a long day. And there were some lovely bits to the day as well. I was there from 11.30am to 11.30pm with a few walking breaks between to gather my senses and recover from extreme food intake. Glad to be home though.
Glad you managed to keep within the limits you'd set yourself and seem to be ready to get back to some recovery and sobriety.
Glad you managed to keep within the limits you'd set yourself and seem to be ready to get back to some recovery and sobriety.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Very wise and true. I didnt start drinking until I was 35. Had many years with normal drinking. I never thought about alcohol, if I had a drink I had a drink. Life went on.
Originally Posted by ReadyAtLast
This is just my take on it PP. Regardless of labels, alcoholic, problem drinker, obsessive, whatever it doesn't really matter.
People who drink normally and have a normal relationship with alcohol just do it. They don't think about it, they don't count drinks, they don't have reasons as to why they had a drink, excuses why they had a drink, they don't have a drink just because everyone else was drinking. They don't browse the internet for alcohol recovery forums and sign up to them. ( not that we don't want you )
If you don't have a problem that's fine. But it's not us you have to convince. Being honest with yourself is what matters. No one on here is going to say that's great, you carry on drinking.
But normal drinkers don't obsess over alcohol.,Ever.
People who drink normally and have a normal relationship with alcohol just do it. They don't think about it, they don't count drinks, they don't have reasons as to why they had a drink, excuses why they had a drink, they don't have a drink just because everyone else was drinking. They don't browse the internet for alcohol recovery forums and sign up to them. ( not that we don't want you
) If you don't have a problem that's fine. But it's not us you have to convince. Being honest with yourself is what matters. No one on here is going to say that's great, you carry on drinking.
But normal drinkers don't obsess over alcohol.,Ever.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Yeah, I don't want to convince anyone they can drink in moderation. I just happened to be able to last night. I think my obsession is gone. This month, I've decided to keep a to-the-cent budget for myself. While it already helps with drinking because it deters me from buying anything I don't need, it's also something new for me to keep my brain occupied with. I don't think I was ever an alcoholic. Either way, for now, anyway, it seems like I've moved past alcohol. I had no issues staying sober for a week before the reception, and I'm having no trouble going back to abstinence now that it's over. If the nightmare is legitimately over, i just need to be cautious about any drinking I may do in the future, in case this whole thing comes back. Don't plan on drinking anytime soon, but if the occasion arises and I'm in, say, a social situation like this, I'm confident I can get through it the same way I did last night. It's no longer on my mind.
As to the account, I think I created it two or three years ago when I was drunk and manic one night and then forgot about it until this past month. I only started posting because I was between therapists, and I wanted to tell somebody about my drinking habits.
I'm not being complacent. But if I'm not drinking it, I'm going to just keep not thinking about alcohol. And if I do start thinking about it or obsessing about it again, then I'll come back here.
As to the account, I think I created it two or three years ago when I was drunk and manic one night and then forgot about it until this past month. I only started posting because I was between therapists, and I wanted to tell somebody about my drinking habits.
I'm not being complacent. But if I'm not drinking it, I'm going to just keep not thinking about alcohol. And if I do start thinking about it or obsessing about it again, then I'll come back here.
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Originally Posted by PiratePrentice
Didn't read any of these responses, and I turned off notifications for this thread, because it was just feeding into my mindset of worrying about drinking at the reception.
When I wanted to continue drinking I stopped listening to those around me telling me otherwise, and isolated myself away on my own and with those that would encourage and cheer me on in my drinking.
It's worth a thought to consider motives of behaviour, I learnt so much by figuring out why I used to do things.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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I didn't miss drinking.
really? you projected DAYS before this event that you would drink. you began to plan your drinking. and you followed thru and DID drink. if you truly did not MISS drinking, you would have chosen lemonade.
what was also interesting is that your focus was not on the WEDDING, the marital union of people you care about, it was on the reception and the booze.............
Technically, if we're talking complete abstinence, I'm back to Day One. But, by no stretch of the imagination am I counting last night against me.
technically?? you intentional planned to drink and did drink, how can that count as continued SOBRIETY??
really? you projected DAYS before this event that you would drink. you began to plan your drinking. and you followed thru and DID drink. if you truly did not MISS drinking, you would have chosen lemonade.
what was also interesting is that your focus was not on the WEDDING, the marital union of people you care about, it was on the reception and the booze.............
Technically, if we're talking complete abstinence, I'm back to Day One. But, by no stretch of the imagination am I counting last night against me.
technically?? you intentional planned to drink and did drink, how can that count as continued SOBRIETY??
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I didn't miss drinking.
really? you projected DAYS before this event that you would drink. you began to plan your drinking. and you followed thru and DID drink. if you truly did not MISS drinking, you would have chosen lemonade.
what was also interesting is that your focus was not on the WEDDING, the marital union of people you care about, it was on the reception and the booze.............
Technically, if we're talking complete abstinence, I'm back to Day One. But, by no stretch of the imagination am I counting last night against me.
technically?? you intentional planned to drink and did drink, how can that count as continued SOBRIETY??
really? you projected DAYS before this event that you would drink. you began to plan your drinking. and you followed thru and DID drink. if you truly did not MISS drinking, you would have chosen lemonade.
what was also interesting is that your focus was not on the WEDDING, the marital union of people you care about, it was on the reception and the booze.............
Technically, if we're talking complete abstinence, I'm back to Day One. But, by no stretch of the imagination am I counting last night against me.
technically?? you intentional planned to drink and did drink, how can that count as continued SOBRIETY??
When I started this thread, I had been posting here a lot, and I was getting obsessed about my sobriety. I started the thread as a kind of manic compulsion, feeling the need to tell everyone I might be drinking at the reception. That is no longer the case. Once I got sober, I was obsessed with how long I had under my belt, to the second. As I posted here, both my therapist and I decided that was a poor choice.
I'm no longer counting my days. I expect it will be a very long time before I drink again, but I'm not going to keep track. That just feeds into the obsession.
I drank last night. I drank moderately and socially without putting effort into it or having to restrain myself. I know I'm not going to get applauded here for that, because I still drank, but, still. I drank like any normal person would at a wedding reception, except probably even less. I didn't put an iota of thought into it. I forgot about this thread until this morning. It happened. It's done. Nothing bad happened. Again, don't want to encourage anyone else, but it's over. Since I'm not counting my days anymore, I don't feel like I'm going back to the drawing board. I don't feel like I should be ashamed of myself. I'm just moving on and keeping alcohol out of my mind. As long as I continue staying sober, last night didn't mean anything.
Sorry if this was particularly defensive or blunt, but I took offense at your tone and implication regarding me not caring about the actual wedding itself. Of one of my best and oldest friends. He knew I wouldn't be at the wedding itself. We spent time together beforehand, and we spent time together at the reception. It was deeply moving to see him have his first dance/dance with his mother, etc.
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Originally Posted by PiratePrentice
And if I start thinking about it or obsessing about it again, then I'll come back here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I drank like any normal person would at a wedding reception, except probably even less.
Normal drinkers don't think, worry or justify their drinking . . . they just do it, get up the next day and get on with life, because alcohol is not causing any problems in their life, they don't need to constantly manage or be consumed with thoughts of it, it comes natural.
You therefore didn't drink like a normal drinker . . . there's more to it than mere volume of liquid!!
Whatever you decide though SR will be here!!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
After reading many more of your comments, I'm more convinced than previously that it is what you've called "OCD" that is the problem as it relates to your drinking.
In most cases of OCD, the obsession or the obsessive thinking can attach to virtually any object -- money, time and time management, sex, numbers, particularly as they relate to certain days of the year, the saving or hoarding of objects that are never used, but keeping them "just in case" you need them, such as store receipts for as little as ninety-nine cents from years ago, calendars, newspapers and the like. Added to that are all kinds of simple phobias that lead to compulsive behaviors such as excessive hand-washing, repeatedly checking to see that doors and windows are locked, that the oven is off, that you turned off the iron, and going through the same rigid routine before going to bed and then again after waking. Though not everyone who carries a true diagnosis of OCD experiences all of these symptoms, this is only a small sample of what people do.
The purpose of the compulsive behaviors is to neutralize or at least fend off the obsessive thoughts or thinking. The remedy is inefficient and "works" only temporarily, if at all. The OCD cycle then restarts by virtue of having acted on the obsessions, again overriding rational thought or thinking. There is usually an internal logic to the thinking of people who carry the diagnosis of OCD, and it makes perfect sense to the sufferer. The obsessive thinking truly has to make sense, if only because the obsessions and compulsions rely on it to be that way, and because they could not exist without a logical, though extremely flawed, framework to support them. The problem is not so much that the person's behaviors are maladaptive, though they often are and often appear to be bizarre or self-defeating, but that the person's thinking works against itself by settling on a type of distorted reasoning that endorses and paves the way for further distortions, and which allows for the enactment of compulsive behaviors to keep the system going.
I'm not spilling any beans here since anyone can Google the self-defeating system of obsessions and their accompanying compulsive behaviors.
Having said all that, I would still discourage you from drinking. Unlike collecting unneeded objects, or checking the doors and windows, consuming alcohol carries with it a much greater likelihood of both immediate and long-term negative consequences. You've already noted that you've abused yourself with alcohol on a few occasions, in fact losing control of yourself. Couple that with what you stated is diagnosed OCD, and the fact that you may be taking medication for your condition, it's probably best to leave it alone. I mean, you did say that it's not a problem for you.
In most cases of OCD, the obsession or the obsessive thinking can attach to virtually any object -- money, time and time management, sex, numbers, particularly as they relate to certain days of the year, the saving or hoarding of objects that are never used, but keeping them "just in case" you need them, such as store receipts for as little as ninety-nine cents from years ago, calendars, newspapers and the like. Added to that are all kinds of simple phobias that lead to compulsive behaviors such as excessive hand-washing, repeatedly checking to see that doors and windows are locked, that the oven is off, that you turned off the iron, and going through the same rigid routine before going to bed and then again after waking. Though not everyone who carries a true diagnosis of OCD experiences all of these symptoms, this is only a small sample of what people do.
The purpose of the compulsive behaviors is to neutralize or at least fend off the obsessive thoughts or thinking. The remedy is inefficient and "works" only temporarily, if at all. The OCD cycle then restarts by virtue of having acted on the obsessions, again overriding rational thought or thinking. There is usually an internal logic to the thinking of people who carry the diagnosis of OCD, and it makes perfect sense to the sufferer. The obsessive thinking truly has to make sense, if only because the obsessions and compulsions rely on it to be that way, and because they could not exist without a logical, though extremely flawed, framework to support them. The problem is not so much that the person's behaviors are maladaptive, though they often are and often appear to be bizarre or self-defeating, but that the person's thinking works against itself by settling on a type of distorted reasoning that endorses and paves the way for further distortions, and which allows for the enactment of compulsive behaviors to keep the system going.
I'm not spilling any beans here since anyone can Google the self-defeating system of obsessions and their accompanying compulsive behaviors.
Having said all that, I would still discourage you from drinking. Unlike collecting unneeded objects, or checking the doors and windows, consuming alcohol carries with it a much greater likelihood of both immediate and long-term negative consequences. You've already noted that you've abused yourself with alcohol on a few occasions, in fact losing control of yourself. Couple that with what you stated is diagnosed OCD, and the fact that you may be taking medication for your condition, it's probably best to leave it alone. I mean, you did say that it's not a problem for you.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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I think there's a communication breakdown going on in this thread, and it's probably my fault for accidentally obfuscating what I'm trying to say. I appreciate everyone's replies. I do. And don't misunderstand- I absolutely don't expect every (or, really, any) replies to be bright and shiny and happy. I know that I need to hear harsh truths. A lot of what you guys are saying is true, but this is devolving into a back-and-forth that isn't going anywhere productive. It's genuinely probably my fault for not articulating myself better, but I keep seeing posts that are arguing something I've already explained, or are mangling my words seemingly to just make a point. Not all, but some. Again, don't misconstrue this post- I wouldn't even want sunshine in every reply. I expect people to push back. Except for that one instance, I'm not taking offense, and I don't think anyone is being too harsh. I just don't think we're getting anywhere.
What matters at this particular moment is that I'm sober again, and I plan to stay that way. As I've said, if something goes wrong, I will come back here. You guys are great support. But I will start a new thread when that happens, and you can feel free to look back on this post and point out any contradictions I may be making. But for now, I think we should retire this one. I'm sober, and I'm not struggling. Let's help others who aren't or who are struggling.
Again, thanks again to everyone. Sorry for taking up your time.
What matters at this particular moment is that I'm sober again, and I plan to stay that way. As I've said, if something goes wrong, I will come back here. You guys are great support. But I will start a new thread when that happens, and you can feel free to look back on this post and point out any contradictions I may be making. But for now, I think we should retire this one. I'm sober, and I'm not struggling. Let's help others who aren't or who are struggling.
Again, thanks again to everyone. Sorry for taking up your time.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
After reading many more of your comments, I'm more convinced than previously that it is what you've called "OCD" that is the problem as it relates to your drinking.
In most cases of OCD, the obsession or the obsessive thinking can attach to virtually any object -- money, time and time management, sex, numbers, particularly as they relate to certain days of the year, the saving or hoarding of objects that are never used, but keeping them "just in case" you need them, such as store receipts for as little as ninety-nine cents from years ago, calendars, newspapers and the like. Added to that are all kinds of simple phobias that lead to compulsive behaviors such as excessive hand-washing, repeatedly checking to see that doors and windows are locked, that the oven is off, that you turned off the iron, and going through the same rigid routine before going to bed and then again after waking. Though not everyone who carries a true diagnosis of OCD experiences all of these symptoms, this is only a small sample of what people do.
The purpose of the compulsive behaviors is to neutralize or at least fend off the obsessive thoughts or thinking. The remedy is inefficient and "works" only temporarily, if at all. The OCD cycle then restarts by virtue of having acted on the obsessions, again overriding rational thought or thinking. There is usually an internal logic to the thinking of people who carry the diagnosis of OCD, and it makes perfect sense to the sufferer. The obsessive thinking truly has to make sense, if only because the obsessions and compulsions rely on it to be that way, and because they could not exist without a logical, though extremely flawed, framework to support them. The problem is not so much that the person's behaviors are maladaptive, though they often are and often appear to be bizarre or self-defeating, but that the person's thinking works against itself by settling on a type of distorted reasoning that endorses and paves the way for further distortions, and which allows for the enactment of compulsive behaviors to keep the system going.
I'm not spilling any beans here since anyone can Google the self-defeating system of obsessions and their accompanying compulsive behaviors.
Having said all that, I would still discourage you from drinking. Unlike collecting unneeded objects, or checking the doors and windows, consuming alcohol carries with it a much greater likelihood of both immediate and long-term negative consequences. You've already noted that you've abused yourself with alcohol on a few occasions, in fact losing control of yourself. Couple that with what you stated is diagnosed OCD, and the fact that you may be taking medication for your condition, it's probably best to leave it alone. I mean, you did say that it's not a problem for you.
In most cases of OCD, the obsession or the obsessive thinking can attach to virtually any object -- money, time and time management, sex, numbers, particularly as they relate to certain days of the year, the saving or hoarding of objects that are never used, but keeping them "just in case" you need them, such as store receipts for as little as ninety-nine cents from years ago, calendars, newspapers and the like. Added to that are all kinds of simple phobias that lead to compulsive behaviors such as excessive hand-washing, repeatedly checking to see that doors and windows are locked, that the oven is off, that you turned off the iron, and going through the same rigid routine before going to bed and then again after waking. Though not everyone who carries a true diagnosis of OCD experiences all of these symptoms, this is only a small sample of what people do.
The purpose of the compulsive behaviors is to neutralize or at least fend off the obsessive thoughts or thinking. The remedy is inefficient and "works" only temporarily, if at all. The OCD cycle then restarts by virtue of having acted on the obsessions, again overriding rational thought or thinking. There is usually an internal logic to the thinking of people who carry the diagnosis of OCD, and it makes perfect sense to the sufferer. The obsessive thinking truly has to make sense, if only because the obsessions and compulsions rely on it to be that way, and because they could not exist without a logical, though extremely flawed, framework to support them. The problem is not so much that the person's behaviors are maladaptive, though they often are and often appear to be bizarre or self-defeating, but that the person's thinking works against itself by settling on a type of distorted reasoning that endorses and paves the way for further distortions, and which allows for the enactment of compulsive behaviors to keep the system going.
I'm not spilling any beans here since anyone can Google the self-defeating system of obsessions and their accompanying compulsive behaviors.
Having said all that, I would still discourage you from drinking. Unlike collecting unneeded objects, or checking the doors and windows, consuming alcohol carries with it a much greater likelihood of both immediate and long-term negative consequences. You've already noted that you've abused yourself with alcohol on a few occasions, in fact losing control of yourself. Couple that with what you stated is diagnosed OCD, and the fact that you may be taking medication for your condition, it's probably best to leave it alone. I mean, you did say that it's not a problem for you.
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Posts: 211,442
Actually I think this thread is incredibly useful, and continues to be so PP.
You may not want to hear anymore - but this is a situation I think most of us can relate to.
This was me. I was able to drink in moderation one night and declared my obsession was gone.
The nights where nothing bad happened were the most dangerous nights of all.
I privileged the hell out of those few nights when I could drink like a gentleman because that to me was evidence of the GREAT HOPE that I could be a normal drinker.
In doing so I completely disregarded the other 999 times where my drinking was without limit, without restraint, definitely abnormal, and without question self destructive.
If you're thinking maybe you can turn the recovery thing on and off like a tap and have the odd drinking night you're falling for the same deceit I did - that we have any control.
We sometimes hare lucky night, that's all, PP.
D
You may not want to hear anymore - but this is a situation I think most of us can relate to.
Yeah, I don't want to convince anyone they can drink in moderation. I just happened to be able to last night. I think my obsession is gone.
The nights where nothing bad happened were the most dangerous nights of all.
I privileged the hell out of those few nights when I could drink like a gentleman because that to me was evidence of the GREAT HOPE that I could be a normal drinker.
In doing so I completely disregarded the other 999 times where my drinking was without limit, without restraint, definitely abnormal, and without question self destructive.
If you're thinking maybe you can turn the recovery thing on and off like a tap and have the odd drinking night you're falling for the same deceit I did - that we have any control.
We sometimes hare lucky night, that's all, PP.
D
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by PiratePrentice
I've never considered myself an alcoholic. I'm positive I'm not.
I can't make that determination for you, but it is always better to reach that conclusion on your own, when the price is low, rather than to have it forced upon you later, when the price is high.
Originally Posted by PiratePrentice
Drinking is a manifestation of my Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I've never been dependent on alcohol.
Originally Posted by PiratePrentice
I don't get cravings. I guess you could say I'm a binge/problem drinker. In the three years I spent obsessing over alcohol, there were many days where I went without.
It's not bullet proof, but quitting for a year is a fairly good way to gauge just how dependent we are on a substance.
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