madgirl

So after a recent success during a Vegas work trip, we closed on and moved into a beautiful new house. Over the past week, I have been powerfully tempted and it is bizarre. Our new house has a full wet bar in the basement, and a bar off the dining room. The old me would have already stocked the bars and would have had a glass (bottle) of a nice red to celebrate.

I am irritated with the thoughts and impatient with myself. Is there some malfunction in me that causes me to be uncomfortable with - peace?

I dearly love Elliott Smith, a musician who passed too soon. In one of his songs he says the following:

"Sunshine been keeping me up for days
There is no nighttime, it's only a passing phase
And I feel pretty, pretty enough for you
I felt so ugly before

I didn't know what to do
Sometimes is all I feel up to now
But it's not worth it to you, 'cause you gotta get high somehow
Is it destruction that you're required to feel?

Like somebody wants you, someone that's more for real?"

Anyway that resonates with me. Maybe I gotta work the damn steps, or trade in my broken brain for a new one, or just get through each day sober no matter what.

Determined, but feeling humbled by the relentlessness of this beast. Sober, grateful for all of you.

wildflower70

[QUOTE=madgirl;6152162]So after a recent success during a Vegas work trip, we closed on and moved into a beautiful new house. Over the past week, I have been powerfully tempted and it is bizarre. Our new house has a full wet bar in the basement, and a bar off the dining room. The old me would have already stocked the bars and would have had a glass (bottle) of a nice red to celebrate.

I think this is a very valid and normal trigger. Two bars in your new home....that would certainly trigger me. I would remember the "good ol" days when I used to be a social drinker, having friends over for drinks, snacks, and a little chit-chat. Those days are long gone for me...drinks lead to stupid behavior, arguments, getting sick, crying....NO FUN

I still remember those good times, and miss them to a degree.

Maybe stock the bar with fancy soda, fruit juices, and smoothies?

Enjoy your new home...Blessings

Anna

I do think I had a hard time adjusting to peace. I was hooked on the adrenaline rush of hiding my drinking and lying to my family. My life had never been peaceful. But, as weeks went by, I realized that I loved the simplicity and peace of a sober life. Enjoy your new home!

Bunny211

Working the steps lifted the desire for me. I hardly ever think about a drink. No matter what. It does not have that hold on me.

I also agree with Anna...I still do not really understand what it means to be peaceful. To me, peace seems like depression. Like, there must be some fire I need to put out!! I find it hard to sit still and just BE.

Elicia08

Maybe make the one off the dining room a coffee bar? I can see how moving into a new house might be a trigger for me. In my current home the reminders of how bad it was are everywhere. When I get away from here and go somewhere new, it's easy to romanticize how it was and think I can do it again. Keep making happy, sober memories in your new house and hopefully it will get easier...

madgirl

My son is a musician. His drum set and mixing equipment are in the basement. I want to turn it into teen/garage band heaven so I did think to stock the wine fridge down there with Dr Peppers for the kids.

madgirl

Part of the angst is the very deep chasm between my husband and I - we have both abused each other and we are both alcoholics although he can stop at a few.

I want to be happy here. I left him last summer and was ready to divorce him - even talked to an attorney ((which was terrifying). I question my motivation for doing this - fear? Materialism? Being sober I can't drink this away. A big huge chunk of this decision to buy this big house is my immense desire to provide my son with an amazing experience. He is clearly happy with mom and dad in this house. Mom is nice, consistent, sober - not a crying mess.

I dont want to mess up. God I really dont.

january161992

thanks madgirl

Soberwolf

Madgirl

madgirl

Thanks. I am being brutally honest here - it helps.

Dee74

I have faith that you won't mess this up madgirl

D

MeSoSober

I can see where moving into a new place I was excited about would be a trigger for me. I just posted in another thread this evening that I am one of those people triggered far more by positive emotions (happiness, excitement, great contentment) than by negative ones (sadness, stress). The better my mood, the greater the risk of my drinking.

Your son sounds like a really great, important motivator to stay sober!

REsoberALITY

"Get through each day sober no matter what".

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I agree with you here and will do it with you!
I also think the coffee bar is a great remodel
For one of your wet bars! Or both of you can
Get away with it.