emme99

Barely day one, but this is day one.

One thing I hate about myself is I feel like such a selfish person. I think I have to stop because I am ruining my life, causing myself health issues, drinking makes me full of self hate and self loathing, but that is all me, me, me, and I hate it. There is so much more going on with life around me, so many other issues my family, friends, coworkers, and just other people in general are facing, and I have to be more aware and less focused on myself.

I thought at the beginning of August I had things under control, but drank on 8/20/16 and have been drinking almost every day since. We found out today my mom's chemo is no longer working, she has become resistant to it. And she has another tumor, and one is growing. They do have another treatment they want to try, and when I researched the drug it says on average it is shown to prolong life expectancy from 5 months to 7. I can't deal with this, I really can't. But I have to, I know. I need to stop drinking.

I am sorry to talk about it here, I can't talk to my dad or brother because they are as, if not more emotional than me. I can't talk to my best friend because she has been my best friend for 30+ years and she loves my mom too, and she cries when I talk about it, which is ok, but sometimes it makes me even more sad.

This is day one. My diet center has been emailing me because I can't get weighed in when I am drinking. So I need a fresh start, and I need to do my best for my mom & my family. I am sorry, I know I sound like a broken record, but it is so hard, but I just need to do it. Anyway, thanks for listening. I meant to preview this post but clicked on post accidentally so hopefully it is ok

Caramel

Wishing you courage and strength as you deal with all this, emme

wildflower70

Hi Emme,

How about focusing on something you love about yourself? And, focus on doing this for YOU! Everything can wait for now...except your health and wellness.
Please don't be sorry for sharing here....This is the right place to share!

Be well, and give yourself a big hug

Day 1....You can do this!

Snarly

Emme,

Welcome. So sorry to hear about all of the events and issues going on in your life.

I am new here so really can't say much other than reading your post has really made me feel that I really need to get over and out my head.

I will say that my health and body screamed that I needed to get sober. If not for me, for the one's that I have hurt and will be hurt if I am not in their lives.

Hope that helps a little.

Snarly

Dee74

I'm sorry for your news Emme - I can only imagine how hard that is to deal with.
I really feel tho that if anything could make things worse, alcohol can.

I think a decision to recommit to sobriety is the right one Emme - good to see you back

Lorax1981

Prayers and hugs en route from Oregon to you and your fam. You have to be me, me, me sometimes in sobriety cuz that's all we can control. Selfish about sobriety is a good thing in my book.

CajunPrincess

I agree... alcohol only makes things worse... never helps the situation.

I am very sorry to hear about your mother. I feel for you. My dad found out in January of 2015 that he had several brain tumors... he passed away a few months later (He didn't do treatment )... And the whole time, I drank through it. My whole family lives in a different state, and I never made it down there in time to see him before he passed, and I will always always regret that. The only thing on my mind then was alcohol.
Sending all the love to you and your mother right now.

Fortress

Keep it up!

emme99

Thank you everyone I appreciate your responses. I really meant to preview first and likely would have deleted my post but your responses are helping me a lot so thank you so much And good luck Fortress Let's do this together...

ReadyAtLast

Hi Emme, congrats on taking the step to quit and this being Day 1.

I'm sorry to hear about your mother and it sounds like you are under a great deal of pressure.

You can talk to us on here about anything and there is always someone around anytime. I've said more on here than I've said to anyone in my 'real' life - it really helps. Maybe join our September recovery class too -people all quitting drinking this month

Zanna

Hi Emme. I went through this with my own Mom, 20 years ago and if you need to talk, pm me. I have to go out now (8.10am here) but will be back this evening.
One thing I can tell you is, the more you do for her now, the better you will feel later on.
Thinking of you x

Soberwolf

Never give up Emme your so worth this

VirginiaWoof

Hi Emme

I'm glad you didn't preview your post. To have written it all down shows that you in need 'of a shoulder' - and we are here to be your shoulder. x

CuteNGayYay

Many :hugs: Emme. Glad you posted. Please do join the Sept class.

DolAndel

Glad you posted, Emme. Try not to let the withdrawals discourage ya too much. Your brain will probably draw attention to itself more than you'd like for a few days, but that doesn't make you selfish. You are already dealing with an incredible amount of stress, no need to beat yourself up internally on top of it. Keep us updated. Best wishes!

entropy1964

Your post is perfect and congrats on day 1. You won't regret being sober during this tough time.

My hub died of cancer and it was impossibly difficult. I am still dealing with grief issues. Grief is a sneaky thing and very hard to process....at least for me. I recommend asking the facility she has been going to if they have a grief group for family members. Grieving doesn't come naturally to some so having some help from others going through the same thing really helps.

Hang in there.

emme99

ReadyAtLast, me too

Sorry you went through this too Zanna, and sorry for your loss Frickaflip.

Thank you everyone for your responses and support, it helped and I appreciate it.

january161992

my family is going thru something similar now

im feeling a lot of fear driven hatred of god lately ... its a long story

like my sponsor has been telling me for years .....

my job is to stay sober

hope this helps