How do I keep failing???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
How do I keep failing???
I have been to rehab, daily AA, cut out a lot of trigger situations, have an amazing sponsor. I feel like I am an awful person. I have ocd and an amazing family that deserves better than me. I had over 5 months. Then I have Ben struggling the past month again. I really can't live this way anymore. I surrender to the fact I will never be able to drink again. The anxiety, depression, and racing thoughts are indescribable. Thanks for listening
Lilly
Lilly
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by LostLilly 
. I feel like I am an awful person. I have ocd and an amazing family that deserves better than me.
Stand up and do what you need to do...again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Lilly, you're not an awful person, far from it, please don't be soo hard on yourself.
This is an addiction, and it's a serious thing, it's not a character flaw or a weakness, it's just how it is, some can drink in moderation, and some can't.
You're amongst many here that understand, and find themselves in the same situation.
You can do this!!
This is an addiction, and it's a serious thing, it's not a character flaw or a weakness, it's just how it is, some can drink in moderation, and some can't.
You're amongst many here that understand, and find themselves in the same situation.
You can do this!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
I don't think you're an awful person either
But I know from my own experience I had to remove alcohol as a viable option for me. Whatever I was feeling, however much I was craving I forced myself to look at other solutions besides drinking, and I forced myself to make and use a support network that I could call on instead of drinking.
I decided I was in control -not my addiction...and that just wanting to drink was never a good enough reason to go back to square one.
what do you think keeps dragging you back to drinking Lilly?
D
But I know from my own experience I had to remove alcohol as a viable option for me. Whatever I was feeling, however much I was craving I forced myself to look at other solutions besides drinking, and I forced myself to make and use a support network that I could call on instead of drinking.
I decided I was in control -not my addiction...and that just wanting to drink was never a good enough reason to go back to square one.
what do you think keeps dragging you back to drinking Lilly?
D
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
You can do this Lilly and Dee said it best. All ideas of drinking have to be off the table. It can't be an option.
I think a lot of us think that because we're sober that everything is going to be good all the time. This isn't true even for those who don't have a problem.
Coping skills are an absolute must. Do you have any in place?
Last, read my signature line. I don't think I'll ever change it because it's always been the truth and I believe it always will be.
I think a lot of us think that because we're sober that everything is going to be good all the time. This isn't true even for those who don't have a problem.
Coping skills are an absolute must. Do you have any in place?
Last, read my signature line. I don't think I'll ever change it because it's always been the truth and I believe it always will be.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I do not believe that alcoholism is a character defect.
But, you must not give up because it's a relentless disease. You had 5 months of sobriety and you can do it again. You know you cannot drink so you can learn tools for coping with life without alcohol. We are here for you.
But, you must not give up because it's a relentless disease. You had 5 months of sobriety and you can do it again. You know you cannot drink so you can learn tools for coping with life without alcohol. We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,524
I did the same Lilly ie picked up after 8 months, it was awful and never to be repeated. Off the table, not an option, gone....and now to start living.
We are not bad people Lilly, we are mainly good people trying to recover from a very difficult and confounding disorder. We can do this!
We are not bad people Lilly, we are mainly good people trying to recover from a very difficult and confounding disorder. We can do this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
I'm sorry you're struggling, Lilly. I've struggled in the past, too. Try not to beat yourself up. Just because you're struggling with drugs or alcohol doesn't mean you're a bad person!!!
Have you talked to a doctor? I'd recommend talking to one to see if they're able to recommend a treatment plan for you.
Have you talked to a doctor? I'd recommend talking to one to see if they're able to recommend a treatment plan for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi Lily.
I think it should good that you are acknowledging the those feelings. I was a serial "I'm fine"-er when I got stuck in the vortex. I went to meetings but never felt that I could really reach out and say that I was struggling in a tsunami of fear and, little less did I realise at that point, resentments.
Have you got a sponsor that you're working the steps with in AA? And if it's not too personal a question, if you have, where are you on your step work at the moment?
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
I think it should good that you are acknowledging the those feelings. I was a serial "I'm fine"-er when I got stuck in the vortex. I went to meetings but never felt that I could really reach out and say that I was struggling in a tsunami of fear and, little less did I realise at that point, resentments.
Have you got a sponsor that you're working the steps with in AA? And if it's not too personal a question, if you have, where are you on your step work at the moment?
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Lilly,
We are addicts. The crave hits, we struggle.
I can empathize w feeling like a horrible person after a relapse.
Having to lie to your family.....I didn't drink.
Feeling hungover and weak.
Keep posting and offering and asking for help.
My crave time is usually around 3 to 6 pm.
I keep telling myself....of course you crave, you are a drug addict....over and over.
It has gotten easier each day.
Thanks.
We are addicts. The crave hits, we struggle.
I can empathize w feeling like a horrible person after a relapse.
Having to lie to your family.....I didn't drink.
Feeling hungover and weak.
Keep posting and offering and asking for help.
My crave time is usually around 3 to 6 pm.
I keep telling myself....of course you crave, you are a drug addict....over and over.
It has gotten easier each day.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posts: 440
I agree with all the others , you are not an awful person.
You have an awful addiction that LOVES to make you feel guilty so that you feel too despondent to kick it back in to touch. But you CAN kick it down. And we are all here with you x
You have an awful addiction that LOVES to make you feel guilty so that you feel too despondent to kick it back in to touch. But you CAN kick it down. And we are all here with you x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Thank you for your replies. This is such a crazy illness and there is no medication to take for a cure 😢. My self esteem can't get any lower. I just know no matter what I can't drink. Talked to sponsor and am working through the steps. I just have to keep swimming at this point. This thing has cost me nearly everything, but I think the hardest is the trust from those I love. Ruined relationships.
Lilly
Lilly
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