ReadyAtLast

Thank you all for your messages and for taking the time to respond. I'm overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and it makes me realize just how supportive this community is and how much I need it.

I had lost the obsession after work and time. I have been through many problems and been in scenarios with others drinking and genuinely thought I would never drink again.

Soberwolf-no I'm not drinking. I drank on Friday night but yesterday I was having very obsessive thoughts.

I know all the stuff and have said it to others many times-They are just thoughts you don't have to act on them, learn to control your thoughts don't let them control you etc But when in the moment how crazy is it that you think the ONLY thing that will stop the thought is to have a drink. It's so scary. This morning I have woken with a new determination which I have not had all week. I will stop entertaining thoughts that I can be a casual drinker, an occasional drinker as know it will be a steep deterioration and will only end in one way.

endgame-That's how I feel, just casual at the minute but know it won't stop there. I know it's easier NOT to drink than drink now and again because there never is a casual drink -it just takes over completely.

Tomsteve-Your post really hit home, thank you. I know I will get to a point where I say "f... it" and just go for it and I don't want to see that day. This isn't something that just happened, as you say it must have been creeping back in for some time. I could blame stress but I have been in other stressful situations and not felt like this.

I didn't do the one day at a time as felt that would give me license to drink tomorrow. It had to be all or nothing for me-never again. But now I will not drink today. Although now the thoughts are popping in what about friday night? how do you reconcile one day at a time with nto drinking at the weekend?

Thanks Jeni-good to hear from you again and congratulations on 7 months sober. It's evil isn't it how easily this can creep back up on us. Today I start afresh.

Thanks Delilah and congratulations on your 9 months. I had let my recovery slide and need to focus on it every day now.

Peacehappyness -hello again and thank you for your response. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles too -it really is progressive isn't it.I'm sticking around this time.

Thanks Purpleknight-you make a great point. It's easy to think "well I've had a drink now I might as well carry on" I must not entertain such thoughts.

Hi Verte-let's definitely stick around Your comment rang so true - alcohol had lost all significance in my life too. I genuinely thought I had this sorted and it just wheedled its way back in. I allowed it in I'm not abdicating responsibility but definitely took my eye off the ball.

Courage-it's great to read your response and hear from you, thank you I will get out my old books today and stick around SR from now on.

Dee-thank you, I'm ashamed to be here under these circumstances. It's good nothing bad happened but that might not happen again.

Hi Fred - thanks for sharing your story. I am not actively drinking but the obsession is truly wild and in my mind most of the time just from Friday night's drinking. Although if I'm honest this has been happening a long time-the thoughts happen before the drink don't they.

notimetolose - The most important thing is not to pick up that first drink as you say.All bets are off once I do that

Lovetolisten-you're right I don't need to use this as an excuse to go back. It stops here.

Thank you all for your kind words. I have a renewed sense of optimism today and must do whatever it takes to NOT take that first drink.

VirginiaWoof

I really admire you coming back to post. I can't remember who it was in this thread that said draw a double line under this. You can't change having had that drink so put all your effort into trampling down the thoughts.

I hope your house sale goes through ok and your trials get sorted x

CelticZebra

Don't battle with the beast you've unleashed, stop those thoughts and re-learn to live again.
Keep posting, keep reading and keep on keeping on.
Everything will work out one way or another and the stress from selling a house is enormous so I get the don't be too hard on yourself but again, don't be too lax and believe the beast and its lies.
Thank you for posting your story and I hope you get this under control quickly, all things will come to pass.
Good thoughts with you and a big hug too!

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

Meraviglioso

Hi RAL, You are so amazing to come here and post. What a strong thing to do. And what a great community we have to welcome you and support you in this difficult time.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I had a relapse at 5 months- nothing near to your sober time and I still feel devastated over it.
I know that a lot of people here are anti-medication but if you are really having majorly obsessive thoughts what about speaking to your doctor about some of the medications on the market that can help with these obsessions. I have heard amazing things about naltrexone and wanted to try it myself as it seemed to be #1 amongst alcoholics, but unfortunately was not available where I am. I did take Campral for a while and while it is no magic cure- you have to have the will and put in the work- it does take the edge off. My cravings were less frequent and much less strong, entirely manageable if I chose to manage them. In addition, the obsessive thoughts were nearly wiped out. I only had to deal with the occasional craving, which again was less strong and lasted a shorter amount of time.
It might be worth considering as something to give you a little boost to get back at it.
The other option is of course antabuse which you absolutely cannot drink on. I have taken this as well and it has built me some sober time.
My personal preference though if for the Campral as I felt I was participating in my recovery more. The choice was mine to drink or not to drink, I just had a little help making the right choice.
Best of luck to you, stick around.

ReadyAtLast

Hi and thank you for your response.im sorry I'm so late responding. I drank again on Friday but have a new plan.its day 2. I'm back on sr starting again and joining the September class.I do take a mild anti anxiety drug but I need to focus on where I went wrong,how I let things go so badly wrong and get back on track. I hop e all is well with you.


QUOTE=Meraviglioso;6145639]Hi RAL, You are so amazing to come here and post. What a strong thing to do. And what a great community we have to welcome you and support you in this difficult time.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I had a relapse at 5 months- nothing near to your sober time and I still feel devastated over it.
I know that a lot of people here are anti-medication but if you are really having majorly obsessive thoughts what about speaking to your doctor about some of the medications on the market that can help with these obsessions. I have heard amazing things about naltrexone and wanted to try it myself as it seemed to be #1 amongst alcoholics, but unfortunately was not available where I am. I did take Campral for a while and while it is no magic cure- you have to have the will and put in the work- it does take the edge off. My cravings were less frequent and much less strong, entirely manageable if I chose to manage them. In addition, the obsessive thoughts were nearly wiped out. I only had to deal with the occasional craving, which again was less strong and lasted a shorter amount of time.
It might be worth considering as something to give you a little boost to get back at it.
The other option is of course antabuse which you absolutely cannot drink on. I have taken this as well and it has built me some sober time.
My personal preference though if for the Campral as I felt I was participating in my recovery more. The choice was mine to drink or not to drink, I just had a little help making the right choice.
Best of luck to you, stick around.[/QUOTE]

Dee74

I hope you're getting past your shame RAL. You're a person with talents, gifts and abilities, loved by many - who just happens to have this problem - the same one we all do.

It's scary to know how easily we can slip back - but I really believe we can reach a point of never wanting to do that again.

Keep moving on recovery 2.0 RAL

D