Day 1 again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 61
Day 1 again
Hello everyone. After three weeks of straight sobriety, I've lapsed again. I had moved back in with my parents to try and focus on my recovery and yesterday, I went to the city to attend an evening class and I bought vodka and came home drunk. My parents are angry, disappointed and ashamed. This isn't the first time I've slipped since I moved in with them and I feel that this most recent incident is the last straw for them. They don't know what to do with me anymore. They think I'm selfish and that I haven't tried hard enough - I agree with them that I have the classic alcoholic selfishness but I just don't know how I could have tried harded. I've been attending AA, reading up constantly on recovery methods, exercising etc. I don't know how to make it better and everything just seems tainted and ruined now.
I feel sick, dirty and ashamed for doing this. I can't believe I managed to resist temptation before but then threw it all away again. I just feel like scum. I feel like I'm facing into nothing but a dead end.
Anyway, I can't sleep so I just thought maybe coming here and writing it down might help.
I feel sick, dirty and ashamed for doing this. I can't believe I managed to resist temptation before but then threw it all away again. I just feel like scum. I feel like I'm facing into nothing but a dead end.
Anyway, I can't sleep so I just thought maybe coming here and writing it down might help.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
9/20/2016 is an awesome sobriety date!
make it your last by taking action
get a service position in your aa group where you are accountable
like coffee maker
accountability in aa means you will be missed by people if you dont show up
you dont see people active in service gettin' drunk!
God bless
make it your last by taking action
get a service position in your aa group where you are accountable
like coffee maker
accountability in aa means you will be missed by people if you dont show up
you dont see people active in service gettin' drunk!
God bless
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: MI
Posts: 626
Hello and Welcome. I know personally how difficult it is to stop drinking, so don't beat yourself up too bad. Remember though... You have to really want to quit the cycle to be able to do it. You have to really NOT want to feel the way you're feeling right now and try to revisit that when drinking seems easier than NOT.
You can stop the cycle and having to feel this way ever again, but it doesn't work if you do it half way. Keep coming here, post when you feel the need to and read some of the other stories here. You are not alone in what you're going through and maybe, just maybe if really search yourself.... You could give a little more in trying.
We're all pulling for you.... Start over again now and quit trying.
Best wishes tonight as always.
You can stop the cycle and having to feel this way ever again, but it doesn't work if you do it half way. Keep coming here, post when you feel the need to and read some of the other stories here. You are not alone in what you're going through and maybe, just maybe if really search yourself.... You could give a little more in trying.
We're all pulling for you.... Start over again now and quit trying.
Best wishes tonight as always.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Hi and Welcome,
Alcoholism keeps us hooked by making us feel enormous dislike for what we've become. It becomes harder and harder to climb out of the mess. But, you can do it. Alcoholism isn't a character defect. You are a good person who is an alcoholic and you can recover. You will find lots of support here and lots of ideas. And, remember to be kind to yourself.
Alcoholism keeps us hooked by making us feel enormous dislike for what we've become. It becomes harder and harder to climb out of the mess. But, you can do it. Alcoholism isn't a character defect. You are a good person who is an alcoholic and you can recover. You will find lots of support here and lots of ideas. And, remember to be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: MI
Posts: 626
Originally Posted by REsoberALITY 
Hello and Welcome. I know personally how difficult it is to stop drinking, so don't beat yourself up too bad. Remember though... You have to really want to quit the cycle to be able to do it. You have to really NOT want to feel the way you're feeling right now and try to revisit that when drinking seems easier than NOT.
You can stop the cycle and having to feel this way ever again, but it doesn't work if you do it half way. Keep coming here, post when you feel the need to and read some of the other stories here. You are not alone in what you're going through and maybe, just maybe if really search yourself.... You could give a little more in trying.
We're all pulling for you.... Start over again now and quit trying.
Best wishes tonight as always.
You can stop the cycle and having to feel this way ever again, but it doesn't work if you do it half way. Keep coming here, post when you feel the need to and read some of the other stories here. You are not alone in what you're going through and maybe, just maybe if really search yourself.... You could give a little more in trying.
We're all pulling for you.... Start over again now and quit trying.
Best wishes tonight as always.
"Start over again now and (don't) quit trying."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 61
Thank you all very much for the words of advice. I went to a meeting today but timed it poorly and only made it for the last fifteen minutes, so I'm heading to another one tonight. Still alot of tension at home so I hope it'll help to be around people who understand.
I'll keep checking in here too, thanks everyone!
I'll keep checking in here too, thanks everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by january161992
9/20/2016 is an awesome sobriety date!
make it your last by taking action
get a service position in your aa group where you are accountable
like coffee maker
accountability in aa means you will be missed by people if you dont show up
you dont see people active in service gettin' drunk!
God bless
make it your last by taking action
get a service position in your aa group where you are accountable
like coffee maker
accountability in aa means you will be missed by people if you dont show up
you dont see people active in service gettin' drunk!
God bless
this
plus getting a sponsor and workin the steps might be wise,too.
one more thing- quit kikin yerself in the arse. yer not a bad person, just sick.
and there IS a solution IF you want it and work for it.
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