OrionMetaphor

Hi, I am still pretty new to this. I have 46 days sober and am starting to feel unsure about my life. I have been going to A.A Meetings for several weeks, but I don't feel I want to share at the meetings because I get to nervous. I have been thinking about not going because of that reason. I've had to "give up" my old friends and am now in search of new ones but often times i feel so alone. I feel I am too needy right now, and I am such an emotional rollercoaster that I feel that I might be going crazy. Some days I want to be sober, some days I want to give up. I certainly don't want to go back to using, but when I was using I wasn't as lonely as I am nowadays. Everyone tells me, "Be patient, and the time will come when things fall into place." But the issue seems to be in the present moment for me. Should I just deal with my lonely misery for the time being?

mattb2jp

Orion,

Hang in there. Things will get better. It's hard to open up, but in the end, that will help you make friends, not only at AA. but elsewhere.
Are you a member of any organizations that do not focus too much on alcohol at all their functions? That's one option.

Anna

Hi Onion,

I understand how you feel because I felt somewhat disoriented when I stopped drinking. I had to learn to get to know the 'real' me, the me that I had been drowning in alcohol for a few years. Basically, it was a time of soul-searching and alone time. That was a good thing for me and it probably is for you too. Give yourself a chance to become comfortable with you and things will fall into place.

Congratulations on your sober time.

Love, Anna

ARIES

Hello Orion
I recognize a lot in what you're goin' through these days
I was alone for all my life..Felt very lonesome which made me drink more..Of course there where the shallow friends
I met in the bars..Then when I joined AA..it seemed like all those barfriends felt away too..Things seemed so dark and I could'nt even fall back on my best friend Jack (Daniels)or on all the other booz that comfort me in the times when I was lonely Even the period that I was sitting every evening on an other AA table I felt more lonely than I ever did before..I could'nt relate to those people ...But after a while I starded to realise there where other things to fill up the loneliness..And I became aware my AA friends all respected me and that I still was funny without the booz..And that we could have a nice laugh on the table too..After 5 years goin' to AA at last I found a boyfriend have some very nice friends(also outside of AA)and have a very busy life..And that for a woman
who only knew the street and the bars as her home..who only knew the booz and the rain as her friends..I tell you
how deep you feel right now..They were'nt lieing at the table..Everything worked out fine..There's a lot of sunshine in my life right now..I do'nt believe it myself time to time..And of course the booz and weed stayes a lifetime struglle..(I'm sober again for 9 days now)But I'm not a suicidal case no more from Stefanie

jenniferaz1980

Orion -- I personaly am a member of NA. But I can empothize with you. I rember coming into the fellowship and I was so confused. I did not know how to interact with other when I was no using. My sponsor suggest to me to go into a meeting and if I could not bring myself to share to share the fact that I was scared to share and I was scared to talk and interact with them. I did and you would be shocked how many people came up and talk to me. And they kept talking to me till I got enought courage to talk back.

I know there is a saying in the rooms I go to. I will love you until you learn to love yourself. From my expirences it is very true.

1Marty

Hi Orion. I can relate a lot you about the sharing. I still get nervous at the share. Its just my nature. But Jennifer mentions somthing that helps me when I can't think of anything good to share - just tell it like it is. It may be difficult to admit to others that you are scared, or nervous, but truth is we are all at the table because we are scared, sick and need eachother to stay sober another day. You will probably hear from others that they get nervous sharing too. Its perfectly normal and acccepted. Some of the shares I enjoy most are from someone who just shares from the heart, people who share exactly how they feel.

OrionMetaphor

thanks alot, appreciate it

KelKel

Hi orion
Welcome and I hope you stick around and get to know all the wonderful folks around here.
Read the threads and keep posting, you will find that youa are not alone and many have walked the road you are now trudging, myself included.

Congratulations on your sober time...
We have meetings here that you may be interested in
Here is a link to the schedule:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=39702

Lilalkie

The others are right about just "telling it like it is." Sometimes, I get "stage fright" and don't like sharing and having a bunch of people staring at me, especially in big meetings. But last week, when I was having a bad day, I came right out and told everyone, and I was showered with support and encouragement. It was a little embarrassing, but I'm glad I said something, or else it all would have been bottled in. I lost all of my friends to drinking too much, and I'm looking for new sober friends. So I know how it can get lonely sometimes. But nobody is going to judge you at those meetings and the sooner you can get over the stage fright part, the sooner you'll recover. Really, no one is going to make fun of anything you have to say. But in the meantime, you can just share with us!

MootPoint

Hi Orion

I was told only a few months ago that some members of my AA didn't even think I could speak for my first 3-4 months I was that timid. I smiled and nodded, smiled and nodded. I still don't speak much. But I listen. And..... I accept that the ppl of AA care for me. They say it and show it every meeting.

Re old drinking friends a person has to give up.... I didn't have any. I drank alone, seeking oblivion. Not social adeptness, not joviality..... pure oblivion. But I imagine giving up friends, and it sounds tough.

As far as the loneliness, it took awhile for me to feel not alone. I found fellowship and friendship in AA. Just took me a bit to recognize it.

Chy

Nothing changes if nothing changes. I was terribly fearful of sharing in meetings probably the first 6 months. What I did force myself to do was be open to talking with people before and after meetings, though that in itself was hard to do. My drinking threw me into social ineptness and it was very difficult for me to come out of my shell.

Force yourself to approach just one individual at each meeting, someone you relate to better yet your sponsor if you have one, if not get one. It does take time, but if it's any consolation, your not alone in this either, give yourself time, make new friendships one at a time, one day at a time, when I stopped obsessing over my loniliness, and inadequacies and took action I gained the confidence and security to feel comfortable sharing, and now, they can't shut me up! *LOL* Try one of our online meetings to get a feel for it, we won't bite, promise!

findingout

Same for me *LOL*. Orion, I know at first I was so afraid to share because I thought that everyone but me had things figured out. That turned out to be just another in my long list of things I thought I knew about A.A. that was totally wrong.

I learned to listen at the table and if someone said something that I really liked or that I had a question about, I screwed up my courage and went and talked to them afterwards. Almost without exception, the people I've met in the program are very kind to newcomers and they like to share their experience, strength and hope. I never met anywhere close to as many thoughtful and kind people in 25 years of using. Today, I freely admit that even if I could have managed to stay sober for two years without A.A. and N.A. my life would be the lesser for doing all by myself. That is 180 degrees from where I started because I used to think that somehow I would be a stronger person if I could do it all by myself. Bzzzt. Wrong answer Tony, thanks for playing.

Jah Bless

tobstah

i get the lonely feeling too. i share at meetings and i talk to people, but i think itll be a few years before i can have friends who arent that much older than me..

Parky-uk

Hi Orion,

Im a newcomer here myself but ive been around the tables of AA for a few years long ago and realised I was an alcoholic many years ago. I also used to get "stage fright" at meetings especially if id just come off another "binge" and it was my first meeting for a few days or weeks, I always drank in "binges" and was nervous as hell when my turn came round so I literally coulndnt get a word out or if i tried it would sound odd due to the fact that even my lungs & throat were shaking from some hideous combination of DT's & pure nervousness.
This was hard for me to cope with as I used to act on stage in small plays after leaving school, I used to be a very outgoing person, certainly not the shy type. Over time i learned to avoid situations that may cause stress or nervousness, it took a long time and its hard when I rememebr the person I was and realise I cannot do the things I used to do. Its just another thing it took from me, another chapter of the whole sorry tale but its a constant reminder too. Which is a double edged sword.

About feeling lonely, well the drink also took my wife, daughter, all my friends and recently my best friend - my father (the only person who tolerated me for so long) passed away. This isnt meant to be a sob story and Im not going for sympathy! The point is, i've lived all alone now for over 5 years and hereswhat i think.... Sure at times its hard but to me loneiness is a "state of mind" I tried to fight it and take the easy option - oblivion. That is just false, it only keeps people at bay, tey sure wont want to be with the drunk version of me. Sad thing is, i did that for so long people dont even bother to try again, not anymore and frankly i dont blame them. I can get pretty unmanagable at times, as drunks tend to do just before passing out. So a few years ago I turned that around and decided they were actually all right and i was wrong and made a bigger effort to fight my problems. Still however it doesnt matter how dry i may be or for how long, the damage is done. Maybe someday I'll lmake new friends and gain some access to my daughter but for the time being I take it oone day at a time and keep myself busy with my interests and the way i figure it... how can you be lonely when you have the entire planet at your fingertips and places like this in your own room? I even go as far as to think that needing or relying on someone else is a weakness. I know also tho' that no man is a rock and im open to whatever comes my way so long as it dontcome in a bottle. Its a big world and theres so much to see and do and some people maybe worth a try too, but I try to take it easy, keep it together and all will fall in place. For now its true, accept the things you cannot change.......

Hope ive made some sorta sense,
Dean

OrionMetaphor

Thanks alot you guys. I will take your words into consideration, and you have been very helpful.
You are all truely divine.