The Cycle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
The Cycle
I saw three or four posts this morning alone where the OP used the word CYCLE or AGAIN.
It breaks my heart every time I see a post from someone saying ‘they are back after xx months’, or ‘relapse’. But the one that got me today was “minor lapse” from someone who ended up in a hospital from alcohol use.
There is nothing MINOR about going to the hospital from alcohol poisoning.
There are countless posts here that are pretty much the same. I thought I could drink again is a very common line. I let my guard down. You name it, it has already been posted here by someone else who did or thought the same exact things.
I need to “work my program better”. I need to “change my program”. I need to do this, I need to do that, I need, I need, I need…
Here’s what you need to do.
You need to come to the realization that, regardless of which ‘program’ or ‘method’ you chose, you can never drink again. I made a post that highlighted the word ‘AGAIN’ earlier.
I need to quit drinking AGAIN. I need to stop this CYCLE. Those two words go hand in hand.
Cycle and again, you can’t have one without the other. If you never drink again, you’ll never have to stop again. The cycle ends right there. It sounds rough. The simplicity of it is so profound, it’s mind boggling that many continue time and again to stay in the cycle.
YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STAY SOBER MORE THAN YOU WANT TO DRINK.
Several folks here use this mantra when giving advice or counsel. And once again, the simplicity of it cannot be questioned.
Oh, but you don’t know how difficult it is to quit… YES, I do know.
What worked for me, and I’ll be blunt about it, is the ONLY thing that will work for anyone.
You do have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink.
That means accepting the fact that drinking is no longer an option – EVER! No matter what, you must accept it that having a drink is something you will not ever do as long as you shall live.
But… Forever is a long time, I don’t know if I can commit to ‘forever’. In MY opinion, whenever someone believes they can not commit to forever, it means they are planning to drink in the future. Call it what you want, semantics shemantics…
Until you make a final decision that you want to stay sober, forever, you are leaving the door open to go back to drinking. If you have to take it ‘one day at a time’, by all means do that. But one day at a time shouldn’t mean that the next day is a possibility – to very many it does. Don’t be lulled into thinking you will always be one day away from your next drink and that you are powerless. You are not, as long as you make the decision that you are not. It is up to you and you alone to take charge of your life. It ain’t easy, but once you finally make the decision that this is what you want, to STAY SOBER more than you want to drink, it becomes a lot easier. The primary objective is to get and STAY sober. And until one accepts that as a final decision, one will constantly be battling the cycle.
It breaks my heart every time I see a post from someone saying ‘they are back after xx months’, or ‘relapse’. But the one that got me today was “minor lapse” from someone who ended up in a hospital from alcohol use.
There is nothing MINOR about going to the hospital from alcohol poisoning.
There are countless posts here that are pretty much the same. I thought I could drink again is a very common line. I let my guard down. You name it, it has already been posted here by someone else who did or thought the same exact things.
I need to “work my program better”. I need to “change my program”. I need to do this, I need to do that, I need, I need, I need…
Here’s what you need to do.
You need to come to the realization that, regardless of which ‘program’ or ‘method’ you chose, you can never drink again. I made a post that highlighted the word ‘AGAIN’ earlier.
I need to quit drinking AGAIN. I need to stop this CYCLE. Those two words go hand in hand.
Cycle and again, you can’t have one without the other. If you never drink again, you’ll never have to stop again. The cycle ends right there. It sounds rough. The simplicity of it is so profound, it’s mind boggling that many continue time and again to stay in the cycle.
YOU HAVE TO WANT TO STAY SOBER MORE THAN YOU WANT TO DRINK.
Several folks here use this mantra when giving advice or counsel. And once again, the simplicity of it cannot be questioned.
Oh, but you don’t know how difficult it is to quit… YES, I do know.
What worked for me, and I’ll be blunt about it, is the ONLY thing that will work for anyone.
You do have to want to stay sober more than you want to drink.
That means accepting the fact that drinking is no longer an option – EVER! No matter what, you must accept it that having a drink is something you will not ever do as long as you shall live.
But… Forever is a long time, I don’t know if I can commit to ‘forever’. In MY opinion, whenever someone believes they can not commit to forever, it means they are planning to drink in the future. Call it what you want, semantics shemantics…
Until you make a final decision that you want to stay sober, forever, you are leaving the door open to go back to drinking. If you have to take it ‘one day at a time’, by all means do that. But one day at a time shouldn’t mean that the next day is a possibility – to very many it does. Don’t be lulled into thinking you will always be one day away from your next drink and that you are powerless. You are not, as long as you make the decision that you are not. It is up to you and you alone to take charge of your life. It ain’t easy, but once you finally make the decision that this is what you want, to STAY SOBER more than you want to drink, it becomes a lot easier. The primary objective is to get and STAY sober. And until one accepts that as a final decision, one will constantly be battling the cycle.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Agreed. Great advice and distinctions.
I always see the programs (as well as tools) we use as the 'management systems' to keep in place that original action or habit change.
The thread running through them all is 'no drinking, ever.'
I always see the programs (as well as tools) we use as the 'management systems' to keep in place that original action or habit change.
The thread running through them all is 'no drinking, ever.'
Catch and Release
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Crazy Canuck
Posts: 441
Absolutely LBrain - whenever a thought of drinking comes into my head, I repeat: I do not drink - EVER, and I will never change my mind. Doesn't matter whether I'm feeling up or down, or whether someone died, or I lost my job, or it's my birthday, or I'm on holidays. The concept of never drinking again, means I will never have another Day 1 - EVER. It's freeing and I never have to make that decision again.
Thanks,
CF
Thanks,
CF
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
+1 Brain. And what you said is all a matter of thinking differently about what alcohol is. Just because some people can drink "normally", or just because alcohol is "legal", or just because alcohol is advertised on TV...doesn't mean it's good and OK. If it was, our body would have an additional organ and maybe it would be called an alcohol processor. But human bodies don't have one. SO, as Brain stated, just get comfortable with cutting alcohol out...for good, it's not necessary.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Great post Brain.
It rings so true, whether your problem be alcohol or drugs. You will never beat your addiction until you really want to, meaning that you give up all idea of using or drinking ever again.
An addict will never be "normal," you will never be "cured." The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on with life.
It rings so true, whether your problem be alcohol or drugs. You will never beat your addiction until you really want to, meaning that you give up all idea of using or drinking ever again.
An addict will never be "normal," you will never be "cured." The sooner you accept that, the sooner you can move on with life.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 975
I guess just to put another side out there... I don't think anyone who comes here WANTS to drink. We all WANT sobriety. I had MANY times where I said NEVER again. Ever. I really meant it. But then the cravings and that "just one more time" mentality crept in and another day one came with it. I struggled with this for a long time. Maybe it was a connection in my brain that I needed to make. I will also say that with each craving that we can suppress, our "sober muscles" get stronger.
Not disagreeing with the OP at all. I would be curious to know when/how this connection of "never again" occurred in the journey to sobriety for some of you that have been able to flip this switch.
Not disagreeing with the OP at all. I would be curious to know when/how this connection of "never again" occurred in the journey to sobriety for some of you that have been able to flip this switch.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
It happened for me on day one. And I never looked back.
I understand what you are saying Behappy. But the fact remains, that you CAN make the decision and stick with it. I struggled with cravings very much in the beginning. And whenever I did, I stopped what I was doing and logged on to this forum, and I either read or posted. I also went to over 100 meetings in the first 90 days, and continued going to meetings for a year+. I ate a lot of chocolate to help me get through the cravings. I did what I needed to do to protect myself from myself. I'm sure nobody here doesn't want to stop.
I am hoping to give people a psychological advantage, to take charge of their own destiny, to empower themselves, and to own it.
My point is, regardless of what you do to help you get over the 'hump' so to speak, that making the decision, that final decision, and sticking with it, will do a lot more than hoping and praying you finally get it and it sticks.
Use whatever terminology you want, but making it a choice and choosing to not drink puts the person in charge of themselves. It is a choice after all...
I understand what you are saying Behappy. But the fact remains, that you CAN make the decision and stick with it. I struggled with cravings very much in the beginning. And whenever I did, I stopped what I was doing and logged on to this forum, and I either read or posted. I also went to over 100 meetings in the first 90 days, and continued going to meetings for a year+. I ate a lot of chocolate to help me get through the cravings. I did what I needed to do to protect myself from myself. I'm sure nobody here doesn't want to stop.
I am hoping to give people a psychological advantage, to take charge of their own destiny, to empower themselves, and to own it.
My point is, regardless of what you do to help you get over the 'hump' so to speak, that making the decision, that final decision, and sticking with it, will do a lot more than hoping and praying you finally get it and it sticks.
Use whatever terminology you want, but making it a choice and choosing to not drink puts the person in charge of themselves. It is a choice after all...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hi Brain,
I currently have close to nine months sober, and flipping my mindset has been what has been the biggest part of my recovery. I was one of those people who came back to SR after relapses and started again, and I had more than one failed attempt.
I just want people who are currently struggling it just coming back to know they can flip their mindset and end the cycle of again.
I currently have close to nine months sober, and flipping my mindset has been what has been the biggest part of my recovery. I was one of those people who came back to SR after relapses and started again, and I had more than one failed attempt.
I just want people who are currently struggling it just coming back to know they can flip their mindset and end the cycle of again.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Originally Posted by LBrain 
Use whatever terminology you want, but making it a choice and choosing to not drink puts the person in charge of themselves. It is a choice after all...
We can't avoid choosing nor give up our free will.
According to Neil Pert, drummer and lyricist for Rush:
"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice"
So, in hindsight, looking back at my drinking:
In as much I as was wont to blame external factors, even alcohol itself or alcoholism, when I couldn't make the decision to quit or even ask for help . . .
in actual fact, I was deciding, one day at a time, to carry on with the insanity that was slowly destroying my life.
What a decision !
What a delusion !
If you are still drinking and reading this, make a different choice !
Choose life.
Choose to ask for help.
That was the best choice I ever made.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by Behappy1
I guess just to put another side out there... I don't think anyone who comes here WANTS to drink. We all WANT sobriety. I had MANY times where I said NEVER again. Ever. I really meant it. But then the cravings and that "just one more time" mentality crept in and another day one came with it. I struggled with this for a long time. Maybe it was a connection in my brain that I needed to make. I will also say that with each craving that we can suppress, our "sober muscles" get stronger.
Not disagreeing with the OP at all. I would be curious to know when/how this connection of "never again" occurred in the journey to sobriety for some of you that have been able to flip this switch.
Not disagreeing with the OP at all. I would be curious to know when/how this connection of "never again" occurred in the journey to sobriety for some of you that have been able to flip this switch.
When I shop for food nuts are ingredients in so many foods. They don't have a place in our household and in outside situations my daughter makes choices to protect her own wellbeing.
Drinking is a choice. The tricky part about getting sober is that we are forced to use the part of our brain that has atrophied as we drank(prefrontal cortex) . The part of our brain that controls habits has strengthened so it takes real work at first to break that habit. It feels physically monumental. Once I began to read about what goes on in the brain when we make decisions or form habits I began to understand that I wasn't defective or weak, there was a physiological system in place that I had to challenge aggressively in order to change.
The good news is that the hardest part is at the front end. Not drinking becomes a habit, and that is the part that you have to focus on in the early days.
And I agree with LBrain in that relapsing can become a habit and it is important to be very aware of our own individual patterns.
All of us only need to do this once. I repeated that mantra often in the early days. I imagined myself on a trajectory going through all of these ups and downs once. It is so much easier to be sober than to be stuck in that awful place where you know you have a problem but drink anyway.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Wisdom from the big book
MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
MOST OF US have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
This is such a useful post because it acknowledges how tough things are at first but shows that you can get over the hump
Sometimes for a little extra push (and who doesn't need all the impetus they can get) I think of not just the people that want me to succeed but those people who dislike me and would doubtless see my succumbing to alcohol as yet another character flaw
My somewhat bloody minded mantra is that I am going to beat this even if I am the only person that ever does
Sometimes for a little extra push (and who doesn't need all the impetus they can get) I think of not just the people that want me to succeed but those people who dislike me and would doubtless see my succumbing to alcohol as yet another character flaw
My somewhat bloody minded mantra is that I am going to beat this even if I am the only person that ever does
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by jaynie04
All of us only need to do this once. I repeated that mantra often in the early days. I imagined myself on a trajectory going through all of these ups and downs once. It is so much easier to be sober than to be stuck in that awful place where you know you have a problem but drink anyway.
There are a lot of "print it out and carry it with you" posts in this thread. That has helped a lot of people, too, on SR.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Lots of good stuff here.
I'll just add this - you are not actually powerless over alcohol. I think people interpret that part of step one of AA incorrectly. You don't have power over what happens once you take that first drink, if you are an alcoholic. YOU DO have power over whether or not you pick up that drink.
I flipped the switch when I quit this time. I had about a thousand day ones. I'd PROMISE myself to never drink again (usually when I was hanging over a toilet bowl). then after a few days I'd forget how miserable I was. It wasn't until I was at a bottom I could not endure anymore that I changed my mindset. I got help right away, too. I knew I needed support. But I remember the moment that I said to myself "NEVER AGAIN." It felt different than all the other times I had said it. I can't explain it, really.
I'll just add this - you are not actually powerless over alcohol. I think people interpret that part of step one of AA incorrectly. You don't have power over what happens once you take that first drink, if you are an alcoholic. YOU DO have power over whether or not you pick up that drink.
I flipped the switch when I quit this time. I had about a thousand day ones. I'd PROMISE myself to never drink again (usually when I was hanging over a toilet bowl). then after a few days I'd forget how miserable I was. It wasn't until I was at a bottom I could not endure anymore that I changed my mindset. I got help right away, too. I knew I needed support. But I remember the moment that I said to myself "NEVER AGAIN." It felt different than all the other times I had said it. I can't explain it, really.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Ohio
Posts: 420
I completely agree. The one-day-at-a-time mentality doesnt click with me - seems really depressing and self-sabatoging. But i do think different things work for diff people.
I also cant accept that i am powerless over alcohol. I DO have a choice.
It could all be a matter of semantics but this makes sense in my head.
I also cant accept that i am powerless over alcohol. I DO have a choice.
It could all be a matter of semantics but this makes sense in my head.
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