The Cycle
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Congratulations on your 1000 days, Brain. 
And thank you for starting such a great thread. Someone on here has a signature to the tune of - 'I'm most content in my sobriety when I accept that I will never drink again' (with apologies for the horrible mis-quote). I find this to be so true for me - when I honestly believe this to be fact, my sobriety feels rock-solid. If I ever question that (not so often these days, but occassionally - I'm still only four months in, so early days after all!), I recognise it's time to regroup with the help of SR and work my plan until I truly believe it again. It just makes life so much simplier to not have the option.
And thank you for starting such a great thread. Someone on here has a signature to the tune of - 'I'm most content in my sobriety when I accept that I will never drink again' (with apologies for the horrible mis-quote). I find this to be so true for me - when I honestly believe this to be fact, my sobriety feels rock-solid. If I ever question that (not so often these days, but occassionally - I'm still only four months in, so early days after all!), I recognise it's time to regroup with the help of SR and work my plan until I truly believe it again. It just makes life so much simplier to not have the option. 
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Ready to be sober may only be viewed in arrears once some time has passed. One may believe they have achieved some level of readiness but then the evidence - drinking - proves otherwise. Ready is simply an abstract thought in many regards.
Maybe it's mincing words, but I don't think so - priority is ultimately what I needed. In hindsight it seems I was ready but regardless I put my sobriety above ALL OTHER THINGS. It had to come first. My entire existence was structured around a process to support first a day , then month , then 90 days of sobriety. I now approach 28 months of continuous sobriety.
Rugged individualism, group help or a combo is irrelevant for this dialogue. Once I prioritized my sobriety I gave myself a chance. Many lose jobs, health, home and hearth. Once these obstacles to their sobriety are removed they may get sober but only if it's the number one priority.
Sobriety today is still my number one priority. Others may scoff but that's ok - it's what works for me
Maybe it's mincing words, but I don't think so - priority is ultimately what I needed. In hindsight it seems I was ready but regardless I put my sobriety above ALL OTHER THINGS. It had to come first. My entire existence was structured around a process to support first a day , then month , then 90 days of sobriety. I now approach 28 months of continuous sobriety.
Rugged individualism, group help or a combo is irrelevant for this dialogue. Once I prioritized my sobriety I gave myself a chance. Many lose jobs, health, home and hearth. Once these obstacles to their sobriety are removed they may get sober but only if it's the number one priority.
Sobriety today is still my number one priority. Others may scoff but that's ok - it's what works for me
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
When I first got sober in 1993, I was relieved to know that I had an opportunity to never drink again. I understood what it meant to stay sober one day at a time, and there were times when I needed to do that hour-to-hour. I was very motivated to stop drinking at the time. After a time, I learned that by focusing on my sobriety, I had within me the patience and perseverance to believe that I would never have to drink again.
Doing whatever is necessary in order to get and stay sober carries with it no guarantees that this will happen, but to continue working on it for a lengthy though indeterminate amount of time certainly gives us a much better chance to succeed.
Doing whatever is necessary in order to get and stay sober carries with it no guarantees that this will happen, but to continue working on it for a lengthy though indeterminate amount of time certainly gives us a much better chance to succeed.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Behappy1 
Not disagreeing with the OP at all. I would be curious to know when/how this connection of "never again" occurred in the journey to sobriety for some of you that have been able to flip this switch.
The desire to drink has continued to "stay removed" through AA, for me. The thing I would add to the OP is that, yes, it is a daily choice and ours alone - I am one of those who tell everyone around here that posts things like those Brain describes "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink" - and that I keep making this choice daily and, for me, more importantly, live a life of recovery, thanks to the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Actually, a better way to describe my situation is that I do not consciously make that choice any more- I consciously choose to work a very strong program and the choice about drinking had been made well before; part of why I work the program so hard is so that should I ever want to drink, I know what to choose and have the tools to do it. I am fortunate, I believe, that my work is centered on emotional sobriety, not literal sobriety.
I cringe when I see people write things like "slip," "minor relapse," "kind of messed up," because I see the continued denial and lying about what it is: drinking. And also....you never (simply, never) know that you will get another chance.
Some people start off with a "I won't drink for [insert 30 days, a year, whatever here]." That can work - my boyfriend, for example, picked a year because initially it seemed like a good way to start a committed program (a la, I will train for a marathon for a year). He quickly converted that to never again, at around 30 days. He has a very dedicated and self-aware character and is a learner, so he quickly began seeking and embracing a new way of life.
For me, immediate decision was critical. It is the safer bet for success for all.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by freshstart57
I suggest you look into this misquote more carefully. It is cute and pithy, but what Dr E said was this: 'A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move toward higher levels.' He was seeking to drive awareness of the dangers of entering the nuclear age, not announcing some new age mantra. Icarusfalling: Einstein Enigmatic Quote
He most certainly was not talking about addiction. I believe we most certainly can use our powers of reason to make the choice to end our addictions, and that we have what we need within to do so. To think otherwise is to doubt our ability to stay sober, and that is AV.
I am very pleased to see this OP, and the wonderful discussion that follows. Thanks, LBrain, for setting this up here. AVRT is deserving of wider understanding.
Onward!
He most certainly was not talking about addiction. I believe we most certainly can use our powers of reason to make the choice to end our addictions, and that we have what we need within to do so. To think otherwise is to doubt our ability to stay sober, and that is AV.
I am very pleased to see this OP, and the wonderful discussion that follows. Thanks, LBrain, for setting this up here. AVRT is deserving of wider understanding.
Onward!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Well that was a solid post and read this evening Brain, great post!! 
Key point amongst many others for me is that SR is filled with people who know what it took, applied the advice and came out the other side!!
Key point amongst many others for me is that SR is filled with people who know what it took, applied the advice and came out the other side!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: SE USA
Posts: 599
Great post Lbrain!
For those who asked how to know when it has happened if your experience is like mine you will know it. I can remember the exact moment it happened and I felt as though a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The internal battle was over. No more back and forth in my head about "maybe someday I will be normal" or "I can't bear the thought of the rest of my life sober". I surrendered to my situation and I felt free (thus my signature line).
For those who asked how to know when it has happened if your experience is like mine you will know it. I can remember the exact moment it happened and I felt as though a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. The internal battle was over. No more back and forth in my head about "maybe someday I will be normal" or "I can't bear the thought of the rest of my life sober". I surrendered to my situation and I felt free (thus my signature line).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
thanks to all who replied,
even if I'm not in full agreement with some things, if what you posted helps one other person, it was a good post.
the 'no matter how you spin it' remark was not directed at any one person, so relax
and yes, if you have to re-new your decision daily, then do so, eventually it will become second nature so that you will no longer have to make that decision...
it will carry forward... best of luck to all
of course, as I've also said before, it doesn't take luck, it takes desire and work
even if I'm not in full agreement with some things, if what you posted helps one other person, it was a good post.
the 'no matter how you spin it' remark was not directed at any one person, so relax
and yes, if you have to re-new your decision daily, then do so, eventually it will become second nature so that you will no longer have to make that decision...
it will carry forward... best of luck to all
of course, as I've also said before, it doesn't take luck, it takes desire and work
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