3 and a half months and a big bust
 

Hey guys,
Long time no post.
So after 3 and a half months of sobriety and life looking pretty damn decent and I went and dod something stupid and landed myself in ER after a 5 day binge
Drink of chpice was cheap white wine and I did some of the most stupid and elaborate things to get myself more ans more liquor. Reaching out for support please as i'm feeling scattered as hell as well as disappointed as hell in myself because of everyone i've hurt.
Love you guys x

welcome back

in my first year a girl i knew from the meetings drank herself to death.

that taught me that this is a serious and fatal disease.

her choice helped me to understand my powerlessness

understanding my powerlessness helped me become willing to take direction

God bless

:tyou

Dim ... Location: Melbourne???

Look up Melbourne Steps Weekend in a Web search. Fantastic stuff. Listen to the recordings and get involved with the groups and people in Melbourne associated with the Steps Weekend.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE
:MusBand:

Hi
I just done pretty much the same thing and just feel awful, physically and mentally. Sometimes I think it would be easier to carry on using, trying to quit all the time ain't working and just takes any enjoyment out of it and I cut down and cut down then hit it harder than ever. I don't want to die but it's so hard to stop. Good luck man, we need it!

Dim...just curious, what happened to where you had to make a decision to drink? There has to be something after 3.5 months.

Glad you made it back but always always reach out BEFORE you decide to drink it makes all the difference

I have no idea what triggered it. Just a minor lapse. Embarassed to say but its almost as if i missed the drama of it all. Oh boy did i find drama. Drama that in retrospect i certainly didnt want. Got some pretty bad anxiety today and crazy shakes. Gonna try and shake it off with some meditation and pray to god i havent lost my partner in the process.

The language that you use leads me to believe this is not your last binge. You state "I have no idea what triggered it. Just a minor lapse".

Minor? It landed you in the ER.

If your sobriety plan is to "just shake it off" I (respectfully) suggest that this will not be enough.

I hope you don't get hurt next time.

Welcome back Dim!! :)

Hi and welcome back Dim :)

do you think your ready now to fight this with both hands, find the support you need and make changes to your life?

D

Absolutely. I have to i was fortunate enough the blood tests showed no damage and i dont know if i could survive another one. Plan moving forward is a speed dial my closest friend is the though even enters my head. God i hate the aftermath. I know it will come good eventually but the interim is a living hell.

Welcome dim
☺

As always thank you so much for your replies and support. What i'd do without you guys i truly dont know. I pray to god that i havent done any damage to myself this time but then again this is how I always feel after the fact :s. Isnt it strange that despite the dangers, once the AV sets itself in motion, nothing else matters. No health risk, no risk of danger to myself or others, nothing. Can you imagine being able to harness the elaborate strategies we put in place for another drink into something productive?
God only knows what we as alcoholics could achieve.
Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to share.

Look at your plan again - even if you don't know why you drank again, you can still put into place an action plan for if you ever feel that way again :)

D

[QUOTE=Dim;6142567 Can you imagine being able to harness the elaborate strategies we put in place for another drink into something productive?
God only knows what we as alcoholics could achieve. [/QUOTE]

Yes! Many here do this daily. It may seem lofty, but really nothing special - you've just defined sobriety found by others just like you. There is a way out, you don't ever have to drink again.

Please pardon me. I want to mention Annie Grace's book, This Naked Mind, for a specific reason. It is a very easy to understand writing about how we view alcohol.

Dim, it's very insightful about how/why relapse is so common. It moved me. I think a lot of us don't fully understand the basics of how alcohol, as a drug because it obviously is, works on our brain. Once we understand the actual physiological mechanisms of alcohol, it seems to take some of the self-inflicted pressure we put on ourselves. It's worth a look (and cheap too).

thanks awuh, you save me the time to type this ^^^^ I had the same exact thoughts

Hi Dim,

I agree with everyone that it is important to think why you drank and change your plan accordingly, but the sentence that grabbed my attention was "life was pretty damn decent".

You clearly have made a lot of progress if you are able to say that, and though you had a rough binge, once your body detox I don't think you come back to ground zero, life should still be pretty damn decent if that s where it was before, so I see what you mean about shaking this one off and then back on track.

But it is very, very important that you understand that every time you do this you will get further from the "decent life", and eventually you could get to far from it to find it again.

My point is that it looks like you already have something not to drink for, and this is exactly what has been working for me. Like you I struggled to understand why I relapsed the millions of times that I did, so now instead my focus is not on "not drinking, but on making life more and more decent up to the point that it will be awesome.

You can do this!

P

Good on you on coming right back to SR and getting it off your chest. Rooting for ya Dim.

This damn brain fog!
Its like my eyes are shaking and it comes and goes like crazy... i can function but focus is way off.. can anyone relate? If so will this pass. God i pray it does.