sweetichick

My ex really wants to get back with me and will in 6 weeks if I don't drink. The problem is that I knew he wasn't coming over today and almost caved in and tried to get a loan for just one bottle to take the edge off. On the other hand I was terrified of doing it in case he came over and caught me. I don't know if I can do it for my ex.

I'm on day 8 but started panicking when I went to the doctor and he said I must give up smoking because of my lungs. I've got terrible anxiety and feel like I am going a bit crazy without my daily fix of alcohol. A lot of afternoons I used to chain smoke and drink and now I have to give both up at the same time.

I'm planning my first AA meeting tonight and are terrified of going back having to admit I relapsed again. Any ideas would be great.

Mountainmanbob

It will be nessary to make some very firm decisions if you are wanting to get healthy and have your ex back in your life.

AA seems to be a good starting point.

M-Bob

Zanna

I gave up smoking with Vaping. Its not ideal, but 90% safer.
As for the boyfriend..it's your life, I guess, but please go back and read your previous posts on him. Here for you either way.

Delizadee

I think you need to wrap your mind around that it's YOUR sobriety and you need to do it for YOURSELF and no one else.
Try out the meeting. Go with an open mind and willingness.
Don't do this for your ex- do it for YOU.
If you can't ditch both, try cutting back on the smoke maybe with some smoke aids but do your best to keep sobriety up.
If you relapse, find someone to talk it over with, here or in face, and figure out what triggered it.
I would talk to your doctor about your anxiety and look into all kinds of different anxiety management techniques. Journalling, meditation, yoga, exercise, therapy, medication, group work.

You sound like someone trapped in a corner. Please know you're not alone and we don't do this sobering up thing for anybody but ourselves.

Please go to the meeting. Even if you eventually find out it's not for you, in the meantime you will be surrounded by people who understand and are not there to judge or give ultimatums.

Hang in there

sweetichick

I'm just wondering what Vaping is? And I will read my previous posts, great idea.

hpdw

sweetchick I would tackle the alcohol 1st , you've got 8 days and it you will be over the worst physical withdrwals . Anxiety is very common with us alcoholics but can be managed and brought under control , speak with your doctor about this .
I stopped smoking along with my wife 5 years ago this month and both became vapers .
You can get your health back AND your partner but you need to put in the work .
You really can do this .

sweetichick

Thanks to you all for your kind words. I'm feeling much better now I've talked about it. The meeting starts in 2 hours.

MissPerfumado

sweetichick, I have read your previous posts and have to tell you, that man does not sound good for you AT ALL. But I try to stay out of other people's personal business.

What I will say is that you are stronger than you know. You are a smart, capable lady. Don't let anyone take that away from you. Stand up straight and tall and get sober for yourself, darl. You can do it.

The AA meeting is a great idea. I can understand being terrified but I think it will help to go.

Zanna

What is Vaping? Your Complete Guide

Soberwolf

Don't think about it just go x

Soberandhealthy

Hi sweetichick go to the meeting nobody is going to say anything because you relapse. This is s tough business. Hopefully you will keep on with the meetings and something changes and you do it for yourself at the end. It won't work if you try to do it for him even if he is a great guy.

sweetichick

Thanks to everyone who replied. Its given me a lot to think about. I ended up cleaning up the backyard, got all ready for the AA meeting and then realised I was exhausted. I'll go tomorrow night because that meeting has lots of women not just married men and I know a couple of people there. I'm feeling much less anxious today. Thanks Zanna for that link.

Anna

Sweetchick, Day 8 is great and you can keep going, for yourself, not for your ex. The tricky thing is that I really hated myself when I was drinking and I didn't care about stopping for myself. I figured I wasn't worth the effort. When I came within a breath of losing my marriage/children/health, I stopped. Within days, I started to feel a little bit better about myself, and within a few weeks, I was well aware that I was doing this for me. It was too hard to do it for someone else.

uncorked

Like other posters said, you need to do this for yourself, not for a boyfriend that may or may not be there when you're sober. (6 weeks? Really??) Once you get and stay sober, you'll be stronger and better able to make a decision about what to do with your relationship.

Arpeggioh

Oooooh....that there is some truth, for a lot of us! Thank you, Anna; your recovery from that mindset inspires me, and most assuredly many others.

sweetichick

Hey Anna,
I can really relate to what you are saying. I hate myself for what I've become and find my boyfriend's interest as a good incentive for now. Left alone I don't know what I would end up doing. I've started wearing makeup again and looking after myself a lot better now I'm not as sick. Today was payday and I've got bills coming out of my ears; all from drinking and not paying things and getting loans. Its such a sad way to live and I have ended that now.

sweetichick

I went to see my psychiatrist today who wouldn't give me any anxiety benzos so Ill just have to put up with shaking all over when I go out. He reckoned he could hear the rattle in my chest from smoking; really hard to give up.

Dee74

I hope things will get better the longer you're off the booze, smokes and benzoes sweetichick

D