coweyelens

I don't who I am anymore. I mean, I know I'm a mom, a wife, a loving person. But, who am I.....really? I started drinking here and there when I was 19 because my bf at the time was of age and could provide it for all of us. I came out of my shell during that time. I became more outgoing, assertive, and found a zest for life while dealing with my depression. I was liked, loved, admired, sought out for advice. It was a whole new world for me. Fast forward to now. Drinking no longer "gives" me that creative burst that I so crave. I'm more comfortable in my own home, than out in public. I'm "happiest" when I'm by myself, getting lost in my favorite tv show or book, than facing the realities of my day. I've seen countless psychotherapists. I'm on medication for bipolar. I have MS. So what? I don't blame my chemistry for my addiction. I don't blame my problems on genes. I've made my choices. I crave freedom from stimulants like nicotine and caffeine. I crave freedom from beer and wine. I honestly believe that once I quit smoking, the alcohol and coffee will no longer be with me. They are partners in crime. I can't drink without smoking. I can't smoke without coffee. I'm here because I know I'm not alone 😀

mawapril

You are definitely not alone. The alcohol-cigs, cigs-alcohol, cigs-caffeine triad is a huge problem for me. They all go hand in hand. One always makes me want to have the other. I'm also BP and I've used to cope. While i thought it helped at one point, it stopped working and became an issue that I now have to battle.

You are not alone, I'm here! We can do it together

coweyelens

Mawapril, I'm glad that you understand my predicament...lol.

january161992

me too

in recovery we listen for the similarities not the differences

i quit smoking when i was 9 months sober

smoking and drinking go closely together

for me to start smoking again would be very dangerous since my sobriety date is the most important thing in my life !!!

coweyelens

January161992, thanks for that. I understand the similarities being potent to recovery vs our differences. I appreciate it.