Lightning Bug

It is great you are reaching out, we are always here. Do you have support at home? Partner? Family and friends? I am not talking about drinking buddies though. Is there anyone with you now? I know you said you aren't ER worthy but that can change if you keep drinking.

You seem to been around the block with drinking, but you also have a big chunk in recovery. Which tells me you know that it is possible. What happened that you stopped drinking and didn't pick up again for 8 years? What did you do to stop and how did you stay stopped? Think hard about that.

Alcoholism like recovery is not a one sized fit all thing. Everyone has different stopping points, different reasons, different programs, and different motivations for not picking up again. For instance, my rock bottom could have killed me and frankly dying was not appealing to me. It took locking me up in rehab, though, to get me sober. I am staying sober one day at a time with a strong plan and good support here on SR. But that is just me. You have to find what is going to do it for you.

One place to start is here. Read and post. And remember one thing, you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink.

PurpleKnight

One thing I had to learn was that there were no fast track options to long term Sobreity, time itself ticks along at it's own pace and we have to go with the flow, Day 1 to Week 1 to Month 1 and beyond.

Accepting that alcohol was doing me no good and realising that no matter how much I wanted to drink in moderation, that ship had sold, it was time to kick alcohol to the sidelines, and that's a tough thing to do in the beginning, but there are many years of Sober wisdom here on SR that says that it's going to be alright, it really is going to be alright if you take that leap of faith.

Support was everything for me, when my mind in isolation tried to convince me that drinking again was the best idea in the world I needed something to counter act what my addiction was selling me, something outside of myself, whether it be SR, meetings, something to short circuit my own mind and keep me focused on the task at hand!!

You can do this Arpeggioh!!

Arpeggioh

Thanks, you guys...I needed to "create" a crisis point (hey, I'm in danger of falling down and being injured) to find a real reason to stop the madness...and I certainly did today; I needed a reason why tomorrow should be any different; posting scared helped me "seal the deal" that this is an unsustainable lifestyle. There's no alcohol left in my house, and I don't work tomorrow: pretty good setup for (yet another) Day One...

You're all amazing, with your support that has never stopped since I joined this site ten years ago; honestly, I'm down to the wire this time; I can feel the need (and the impending brain damage); this ain't no kidding around anymore.

Lightning Bug

Glad there is no alcohol left in the house. Why do you think you needed a crisis point? Haven't you been living in a crisis?

JK130

Glad you ditched the alcohol. Are you in a safe spot? Feeling a tad better, I hope. Give yourself a bit of time, sleep if you can and stay hydrated. In the early days, ice cream was my best friend!

Arpeggioh

I think I'm finally there; drinking has become a very dangerous habit, not something I enjoy anymore.

freshstart57

Can you finally make this plan about continuing to use alcohol? At a certain point, there will be a sea change - before this, there was alcohol, and after this time, there was no alcohol. Are you ready to say yes? There is a great big beautiful world waiting for you! You can do this.

Arpeggioh

Well, a typical Day One: feeling shame and shaking, totally regretful about missing a day of work yesterday, but also hopeful that I can finally break free from this self-imposed prison. I have the entire day ahead to hang out here and read my fill of motivation and support. Very small plans include eating something, doing a few dishes, visiting my family, and eventually making myself walk around the block. Maybe even a bit of gratitude that I made it through the past couple of months still alive!

Thank you, SR Friends; this thread might go on for awhile as I plan my way out of this mess. I don't want to disappear again! Very sincerely yours, Arp.

Midwest1981

Arp-
I am glad you posted yesterday! Day 1's are rough but it does get better. It sounds like you have a good plan for today. I always drink a lot of water and take a multivitamin too. Maybe find a good movie!!

We have all been there.

wildflower70

Hello Arpeggioh, I hope you are feeling safe this morning. This past week on my LAST binge drinking festival, I ran smack into a wall...almost knocked myself out cold. So, I get it...

I am beginning day 3 of my fresh sobriety (after many relapses).
Fight with all that is within you to stay sober today!!

August252015

How are you now?

Arpeggioh

August: hungover, obviously, but managing some coffee while I pore over Newcomers posts. I might look for "recovery movies," if they exist, on YouTube. At least some AA speaker recordings, if I can figure out how to find them. Today is all about motivation and inspiration, along with abstinence...thanks for checking!

Jim1958

Arpeggioh, I hope you are ok today. I have been there, hung over and hands shaking. For me, that was back in January. I had 4 tall boy miller lights left in the fridge. One thought was to drink them, but I knew if I did I would be off to the store to buy more. I poured them out. That was the last alcohol I had. Everyone has to start somewhere. And if you read these forums, you will find many people that thought they would never be able to stop. Take it one day at a time for awhile. I wish you the best.

wildflower70

Some of my favorite "recovery movies" are:

28 Days...with Sandra Bullock
When a Man Loves a Woman...with Meg Ryan
Flight...with Denzel Washington

I found these movies to be very inspirational, as they show that we deserve forgiveness!

Be well, and stay strong!!

August252015

If you are going to watch stuff today, perhaps watch the Elizabeth Vargas interview- full version is on YouTube (I am having trouble copying links so search for it). It is really good- I also just read her book, which I highly recommend. I don't know if you suffer from it, but anxiety on a HUGE scale was a key factor in her alcoholism.

Take care of yourself today. Today is for one thing, bottom line- not drinking. All the stuff about plans and details about the BB and AA and everything- you can deal with those in coming days IF you stay sober.

You can do it.

jodc

Hey Arpeggioh, Thank you for posting; your sharing is helping me today. I'm new to SR, in a pretty bad place myself; I feel for you!
I hope you are feeling better and more empowered to get through each moment toward not drinking today.

There are a couple of A.A. speakers on youtube that I really like - Joe and Charlie. Here's a link to get you started if you are interested:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0JaTAV_pRU
Charlie's wife, (I forget her name) is a very good speaker as well.

Another speaker:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C56IqyKOXPM
Some of the AA vids are quite funny, uplifting and inspiring; I do enjoy them very much!

But there are times when I just don't know what to do; then, I search youtube for vids about people who haven't stopped and I make myself watch what happens to them as a result; some are pretty graphic but at these times, I need to slam myself out of denial so that's what I do.
I created a "STOP DRINKING" folder and the most dire experiences that people have had are in it.

As I said, I'm new here. Some may think this is harsh and I'm not suggesting that you do it; I'm just sharing what works for me when my fear is debilitating and resolve is high.

I will keep you in my thoughts today.
Sending strength your way...

Soberwolf

There is a ton of recovery movies

if you want more let me know but flight is a pretty good movie not to hard hitting but drives the point home

Lightning Bug

So glad to see you!

madgirl

It is totally ok if you only rest, hydrate and maybe watch a good recovery movie. Self care - after all, sobriety offers the real chance to do just that - take care of your body and spirit.

Maudcat

"Flight" is one of the best movies about alcoholism that I have seen. They get a lot of things right. Go for it.