DolAndel

If you've only been living together for a couple months a privacy skirmish seems inevitable at some point. I wouldn't worry about that too much. Has he ever lived with a significant other before? Even if you love your spouse it can be stressful when you first move in with them, especially if you are packing other major life events on top of that, like a new stressful job and paying for a new car. It is understandable that a fellow in his position would want a drink, I'm just not sure it is wise. Alcohol tends to slowly hijack our brains.... even the good ones!

startinganew777

He was engaged about 10 years ago and lived with his fiancée. It turned out bad, she cheated on him, he left her and hasn't lived with another girlfriend until me, 10 years later.
I allow him to drink, I drink too. He knows he can drink in front of me. That is why it seems so stupid to me he hides it. I told him that too. I don't know why he thinks he has to hide it. I have never brought up that I had a problem with how much he drinks. He has heard me talk about my past with my ex alcoholic so maybe he thinks I will have a problem with his drinking so he hides drinking the liquor from me. He doesn't hide his beer or wine drinking. Only these airplane bottles he drinks after work. On the weekends, if we go out or something, he drinks vodka tonics or rum and cokes and has no problem drinking in front of me.

startinganew777

Well, I snooped in the past and found empty bottles in his drawers. I never told him that but I think he knows I found them from the information that I have. Last night he asked if I went through his stuff and I denied it. He told me that would be like him looking through my phone. I think he knows I looked in his drawers because he brought it up.

lexilynn

I don't know if he is a alcoholic, and imo nobody here can answer that question. Imo he is the only one that knows that answer or at least someday will know that answer. I know for me I was listening to some idiots, based on how they were treating me and I came up with reasons that I couldn't be a alcoholic and I believe I actually convenienced myself of such until kind of recently I heard read at a AA and knew better. Now it's just a matter of remembering, for things to start getting better. I won't rehash the last 15 years with you here but it hasn't been "pretty". I suggest letting him decide for himself what he is and what he isn't, when he is ready, And not let others persuade him nor convince him in either direction.

I also suggest checking out Al-Anon or some other face to face support group for yourself, along with the support on soberrecovery. Hugs!

startinganew777

I'm going to an Alanon meeting tomorrow morning. I need people to talk to about this. I don't want to talk to my family and friends because they know all about my ex alcoholic and I don't want them thinking my boyfriend is if he isn't or that he is a bad guy because he really has treated me like a queen. I don't really think it is any of their business anyways. I want to keep our relationship between us and not spill my guts with my friends or family only for them to tell me what they think I should do.

lexilynn

Imo you need to make up your own mind what you want and what's best for you.

I am slowly adapting to this way of thinking, but most times I get mad at them but tell them I don't care what they think or don't think, what they like or don't like. But I know I need to do what's right for me.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend, Hugs!