Sugar Sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 11
Sugar Sober
I've been into health and fitness for 20 years and battled with managing my weight for 20 years.
I knew from plenty of research that if I wanted the body I was always chasing that I would need to track my food and calories everyday. And eat 2400 to 2700 calories a day. Sounds simple enough.
HOWEVER - in order to track my food and calorie daily intake TRUTHFULLY, I'd have to write down the following:
2 bottles (750ml) of vodka. 3200 total calories
2 boxes of Fruit and Seed Granola. 3700 calories
That's 6900 calories for just those two sources of calories.
A soon as I even thought of writing that down I was shilled with SHAME. I knew I was an alcoholic and a food addict - but I could NOT tell anyone. Not even myself. I could not write down that truth. It would be looking at myself honestly in the mirror. And when I looked in the mirror I saw ugly. I saw fat. I saw unworthy. I saw weak.
My addiction would bargain with me, "Just start tapering down, and then you can log your calories." My addiction is cunning. It knew that there was no tapering with alcohol and sugar. If i drank alcohol or ate sugar I couldn't stop. This cycle of "SHAME - BARGAINING - SHAME" went on for 20 years.
on 10/02/2014 I found the courage to ask for help with my alcoholism. To stand in my truth. To be vulnerable - and to say that i'm WORTHY of recovery. That this disease does not make me bad, dirty, weak. It is a disease. It can be put into remission and I am worthy of being healthy. A soon as I did that, I eliminated 3200 calories from my diet. My body responded accordingly. I started losing weight. I felt great.
Until my lingering sugar addiction kick in and I upped my 2 boxes of Fruit and Grain Granola to 4 boxes. I was back to square one with my calorie intake. My weight started going back up. the same tapes started playing in my head. The bargaining started as well as the shame. SHAME - BARGAIN - SHAME. The cycle was once again controlling my decisions.
On 07/20/2016 I asked for help with my sugar addiction from two close and dear friends. I committed to logging my food and my calories. I asked for help. I stood in my vulnerability and decided I was worthy of having the body I desired. I was willing to do whatever it took to be healthy and happy. That meant eliminating sugar from my diet and following a scientifically based program of a balanced diet consisting of 2400 - 2700 calories a day. 56 days later the results are in: I've lost 9.8 lbs and I am now under 10% body fat.
I did in 56 days what I had chased for 20 years. UNBELIEVABLY FREEING and empowering.
Now that I've addressed the addiction and I believe I am worthy of my health and fitness goals - I no longer "count" calories. Rather I take complete control over what I put in my body. I research, shop and enjoy selecting the foods I want to eat and build a daily food program designed for me and my body. It's freedom. Its control. It's power. It's kindness. It's worthiness.
It's wholehearted living.
I am grateful.
I knew from plenty of research that if I wanted the body I was always chasing that I would need to track my food and calories everyday. And eat 2400 to 2700 calories a day. Sounds simple enough.
HOWEVER - in order to track my food and calorie daily intake TRUTHFULLY, I'd have to write down the following:
2 bottles (750ml) of vodka. 3200 total calories
2 boxes of Fruit and Seed Granola. 3700 calories
That's 6900 calories for just those two sources of calories.
A soon as I even thought of writing that down I was shilled with SHAME. I knew I was an alcoholic and a food addict - but I could NOT tell anyone. Not even myself. I could not write down that truth. It would be looking at myself honestly in the mirror. And when I looked in the mirror I saw ugly. I saw fat. I saw unworthy. I saw weak.
My addiction would bargain with me, "Just start tapering down, and then you can log your calories." My addiction is cunning. It knew that there was no tapering with alcohol and sugar. If i drank alcohol or ate sugar I couldn't stop. This cycle of "SHAME - BARGAINING - SHAME" went on for 20 years.
on 10/02/2014 I found the courage to ask for help with my alcoholism. To stand in my truth. To be vulnerable - and to say that i'm WORTHY of recovery. That this disease does not make me bad, dirty, weak. It is a disease. It can be put into remission and I am worthy of being healthy. A soon as I did that, I eliminated 3200 calories from my diet. My body responded accordingly. I started losing weight. I felt great.
Until my lingering sugar addiction kick in and I upped my 2 boxes of Fruit and Grain Granola to 4 boxes. I was back to square one with my calorie intake. My weight started going back up. the same tapes started playing in my head. The bargaining started as well as the shame. SHAME - BARGAIN - SHAME. The cycle was once again controlling my decisions.
On 07/20/2016 I asked for help with my sugar addiction from two close and dear friends. I committed to logging my food and my calories. I asked for help. I stood in my vulnerability and decided I was worthy of having the body I desired. I was willing to do whatever it took to be healthy and happy. That meant eliminating sugar from my diet and following a scientifically based program of a balanced diet consisting of 2400 - 2700 calories a day. 56 days later the results are in: I've lost 9.8 lbs and I am now under 10% body fat.
I did in 56 days what I had chased for 20 years. UNBELIEVABLY FREEING and empowering.
Now that I've addressed the addiction and I believe I am worthy of my health and fitness goals - I no longer "count" calories. Rather I take complete control over what I put in my body. I research, shop and enjoy selecting the foods I want to eat and build a daily food program designed for me and my body. It's freedom. Its control. It's power. It's kindness. It's worthiness.
It's wholehearted living.
I am grateful.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Good post. I am in general a healthy eater- with a history of anorexia, and a drinking history where vodka ultimately won out over food - and sugar is now my main focus to address from a health standpoint. My weight is ok - I needed to gain, have gained a little more than I would like, but coming from the point of death and knowing I am healthy and physically in shape, I (99%) accept it. I feel that at almost 7mo I can focus on this area, in a positive not self-critical way.
Being gentle with myself in all areas, and not going to extremes, is an ongoing learning process. Healthy and rosy > frail and weak, all day long!
Being gentle with myself in all areas, and not going to extremes, is an ongoing learning process. Healthy and rosy > frail and weak, all day long!
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