3 days in and was feeling VERY good and on track to break the pattern. ran about 30 miles this week, hit up the weights, did some bikrim yoga, passed on booze at my usual restaurant after yoga and went for the chocolate milk... then almost unconsciously slipped into the old bad habits and it went from 4pm to 4am(currently). no idea how i will finally break this pattern. back to square one. :/

crap

What happened? What made you pick up?

Alloyedsuitor
If you were able to implement a policy in your company that would boost your sales for one day but then, you would have 3 or 4 days of horrible sales, would you do it? Of course not. So why do it to yourself? You're just like everyone else here. You're 3 days sober and feel good, so let's feel really good and have a few drinks. But you don't want that nice buzz to stop so just a little more... and then it's 4 in the morning. Consider that the actual pleasure of drinking lasts a very short time for us. An hour or two at most. Then we go way overboard and bamm. We need 3 days to recover. We feel like crap for those three days. Very small upside, huge downside. For me, it's just not worth it.
You think you feel very good after three days? You can't imagine how good you'll feel after a week, a month, two months. Yes, it gets better and better the longer we don't drink. Makes you wonder how much damage it must be doing to our bodies. When I stopped, I kept getting better and better even after months had passed. It was unbelievable. It's one of the things that kept me on track.
Anyway, you're a CEO. If you want to get from point A to point B in your company, what do you do? You make a plan. So make a plan for yourself. What will you do when you decide you'll just have one or two? How will you combat it? Implement the plan. If you fall off the wagon, modify the plan. Make it better. Pick yourself up & start over. Never give up. Never.
I want to see you reporting here how much better you feel as time passes. I want to see how amazed you are and how amazing the human body can feel when it's not floating in booze. If you really want this, and I think you do, you can do it. Start over right now and NEVER GIVE UP!

Its alright. You just needed more proof is all and now that you have this incident and once you have sobered up a little bit you'll be able to use it as just another reason why you need to make lasting changes.

I think sometimes this simple program is harder for those of us who have experienced some level of success in our professional lives because we have so much control and power in that area that we try to exert it with our use and we just get beat up over and over until we realize the alcohol and/or drugs have complete control once we put them in our bodies. All of the intellectual skills you put into obtaining the CEO title and all the trappings that go with that, dont mean diddly squat when facing this opponent. We as human beings are no better then the lowest paid person on the totem pole ( watch that pride and ego ;) when it comes to this illness.

Anyways, when you wake up and come out of that stupor I would suggest that you write down all of the ways that alcohol/drugs has negatively affected your life. Something about writing it down makes it more real, youll be surprised with your list.

Wishing only the best for you!

This is a tough battle, Alloyed. It took me 20 plus years of heavy drinking to finally quit. For the last ten years, I knew I had a problem and needed to quit, but just kept justifying drinking, every day... drinking. Finally, it will catch up to you, morning til night, drinking every day without a break.

We all have addictive personalities, that's why we are together at SR. You absolutely can break this cycle. You've got to get the mentality that you can somehow control your addiction out of your mind. Until you truly believe and commit to yourself that drinking can never be a part of your life, then you are just setting yourself up for failure.

Learn from this setback so that you can avoid it next time it comes up. What caused you to let yourself have that first drink? What was your thought process, how did you convince yourself that it was ok to take that first sip.

You are stronger than your excuses to drink. You've got to crush any thoughts that your AV puts into your mind about taking the first drink. Once you start to negotiate with your AV, you've lost the battle. You can always lie to yourself that there is a good reason to drink, but in reality, all you are doing is destroying what you want to achieve.

For those of us that have some time under our belts, we are not extraordinary or extremely strong individuals; at least I'm not. We have just decided that enough is enough, we aren't going to drink no matter what happens today, nothing can force us to take a drink, not today, not now.

Crush any thoughts of drinking. Force your mind to remember what tomorrow will be like if you start drinking today, all of the pain you will be forced with, the unrelenting cycle of drinking... day after day after day.

Always remember to learn from your mistakes.

You can do this, lean on us when times get tough. We can't help you if you don't let us in before you drink.

it all started with a round of golf and a beer. 14 hours later, here i am. staying in good spirits but i'm here for a reason. won't let this set back stop my goal.

Cuz no good story started with a glass of milk eh? ha!

You're alive, you've gained more valuable information and experience from this slip. Now if you are truly sick and tired of this whole mess, you and only you must make the decision, just for today to abstain.

I know you probably feel like crappola right now but theres somethings you can do and not even have to get off the couch.
Make that list I referred to earlier, keep hanging out here, read a ton of stories, posts, blogs whatever.
Read Bills Story in the Big Book ( you can purchase the Big Book, kindle edition on Amazon for less then 15.00!) and see if you can relate. Read the stories in the back. Read How It Works or the Doctors Opinion, all of this to make you feel that you are not alone and to give you hope! Im not huge into meetings but I have a sponsor and am working the first 4 steps. Others also use Smart Recovery, Celebrate Recovery, Life ring etc. Today you could just spent reading. If you get urges, come here and talk, read anything to distract yourself.

You're gonna do awesome! Hang with us and let us help you!

I'm sorry you drank again Alloyed. What do you think you might do differently this time?

I'm also a CEO of a very successful company and it does have a negative impact on my ability to be as effective of a leader that I know I can be and also gets in the way of my philanthropic efforts.

My story is not like that I'm only hurting myself emotionally

How do you reconcile these two statements. You are hurting the people who depend on you and trust you plus you are doing a disservice to people who can't help themselves. Not to mention the damage you are doing your soon to be wife because you are not being untruthful in your relationship at a very basic level

Sorry buddy but you are deeply in denial. In AA we talk about the "YETS" I haven't been arrested, lost a job, lost a marriage, lost friends, lost health, lost others respect. You haven't lost those things YET but rest assured you will the longer you stay drinking

And this: "Sorry buddy but you are deeply in denial. In AA we talk about the "YETS" I haven't been arrested, lost a job, lost a marriage, lost friends, lost health, lost others respect. You haven't lost those things YET but rest assured you will the longer you stay drinking"

My sponsor told me YET - You're Eligible Too!

Thanks for that reminder MIRecovery!