hpdw

I wanted to vent how I feel regarding recent family illness .

My oldest brother is battling a life threatening illness and holding his own
then i got a call form another older brother informing me he has been diagnosed with a serious illness .

Its been exactly 18 weeks today since my last drink and I have no intention of picking up .

My anxiety has increased quite significantly but I know it,s because I am not dealing with my brothers illness very well .

This is what bothering me , I want to help them and be involved but I don't feel mentally strong enough for this , I feel like running away from it to protect my self then I feel guilty .
I do make contact by phone and I saw one brother last week and it freaked me out .

I start asking myself all sorts of questions about life and find myself becoming quite morose and withdrawn then this way of thinking brings on episodes of anxiety and sleeplessness .

I go on holiday 24th Sep and trying to be happy about it but this latest news is like a dark cloud .

Thanks

Bruno1979

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Life can be very testing at times. You just need to remember that nothing good at all will come from drinking.

Time is a great thing and I hope that your news improves over the next few weeks. Especially before your holiday.

Well done on 18 weeks too,

Bruno.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for your bad news on both counts Thomas.

I really believe that all of us are more capable sober than we ever could have guessed as drinkers.

Having said that, I assume both your brothers have their own families - it may be that noones expecting you to step up and take charge of everything?

D

hpdw

Thats right Dee they both have 2 grown ups and in-laws ,good in-laws too it seems.
I think its the though that siblings are ill and not that much older than me that worries me albeit irrationally . I have in the past been bothered with health anxiety (hypochondria) so I have to work at not letting my thoughts run away .

This all seems to be about me me me . How THIER illness is making ME feel and I feel guilty for that .Dam its hard at times you know .

Dee74

I think it's naturally to worry a little as we get older...and hey - it's not like you're ONLY thinking of your own worries, Thomas

D

Soberwolf

Sorry bud

hpdw

Observation : felt strong when the going was good as posted in an earlier post but since this,my first major challenge I see I need extra rescourses . SR time increase ,TV news decrease , exercise increase, confrontation at work decrease, etc etc .

ScottFromWI

That's a strong observation and a positive one Thomas. It shows that you've grown and now realize that you can and will make adjustments to your life to face/deal with issues rather than running away. You are doing good things whether you realize it or not, keep asking for help and finding new ways to deal with life on it's own terms.

Anna

That sounds like a good plan, Thomas. And, I'm sorry to hear about both of your brothers. I am sending good thoughts to you and your family.

Be kind to yourself. I think the Serenity Prayer could also be added to your day.

Zanna

Thinking of you Thomas x