Depressed.
 

Been sober for some days back to back now but still newly sober.

Been attending meetings in my hometown. Haven't connected with anyone (there seems to be some cliques already in place) so I found the courage on Sunday to ask this man with lots of sobriety who he would recommend as a (female) sponsor. He gave me a name and so I mustered up the courage asked her. It was super awkward conversation and it just seemed like she wanted to get away from me as quickly as possible. We texted back and forth a bit the next day but she didn't say anything about starting to work the steps, and hasn't responded to a few questions/msgs I sent her since yesterday.

Feeling lonely, like I have no friends anymore. Everyone is either still drinking/drugging or have cut me out due to being exasperated by my relapsing (fair enough).

Feeling like I don't like the person who I am, I don't like looking in the mirror. I just don't want to experience this life anymore.

It's like the bottle has been my only "friend" for so long that I almost just want to go back to it. (A terrible, terrible, backstabbing friend albeit, but still my only friend in times of loneliness. I've basically stopped caring and I just don't even give a sh*t. I mean I'm here and I'm sober so obviously there's a sliver of desire left, but it's practically gone.)

I need some hope or encouragement or something.

I am really glad you are here and posting. There is so much support on this forum, and even though we are a virtual community you will find everyone checking in on each other.

The first few days/weeks are hard, but I promise it gets easier. I had to plan out every minute that I would normally drink for a while. I read books, some about recovery, some just for enjoyment. I went for walks, took the kids to their activities and was fully engaged, rather than wishing I could be at home with a glass of wine, did yoga, and spent lots of time reading and posting on this site.

You can do this, and will start to find things you really enjoy doing sober. You may want to look into joining a running/walking club, signing up for a class, or joining a book club. There are so many things you will be able to enjoy more sober.

Looking forward to seeing you on here often!

You are newly sober.

Your drinking didn't bottom out overnight, and your recovery won't feel like it's working overnight. Please, stick it out. Relapsing only sets you back and makes you that much more unlikely to want to attempt sobriety.

Early recovery is hard that's why making full use of the support available here will really help you

My advice please stick around your worth it

You're doing great! You will begin to like/love yourself as you continue to move forward with your recovery.

I had moved to a new place at the outset of my recovery and didn't know anyone. I got involved with a volunteer group and I met some amazing people. Why not look around your community and see what you can do to give back.

It's really important to have faith - especially when it feels like things will never get better :)

They will - they absolutely will. Trust me :)
D

Can you call her instead of texting her? Have a conversation and maybe you can connect more? Or ask her if she is available for sponsoring and if not, can she recommend someone??

I completely understand the feelings of not liking yourself, etc. And of the bottle being your friend - but so not. Im new too - just wanted to say hi and to stick with it. I'm being filled with so much hope, and you can be too.

when i was new in aa i was taught ....

yes there are cliques in aa so join one of them!

find people with similar interests

:tyou

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough day or some rough days.... I agree, stick with it and you should see some positive changes. one of the hardest parts of this is learning to be able to deal with emotions without the alcohol. You can do it though it just takes some time.

Wishing you lots of strength and patience tonight.

Part of what you are feeling is the need to belong to something bigger than yourself.

Alcohol deadens that. I was in a fantasy...party world. I was partying, so who cares what anyone else was doing. That led to my physical deterioration.

When I quit, my emotions would come rolling in. They were horrible. At 16 months clean, my emotions still have a large impact on me everyday. I get so negative thinking about the way I see things in my life. I keep telling myself to not over react, I am still healing. Still getting used to normal emotions.

SR saved me. My class, all my SR mates All of this made me feel like I belonged somewhere.
You belong here to. Help someone daily, I try to help several folks a day. When I do, I feel better. This leads to a chain of happier emotions. I sleep better and stay healthy.

I also took up a hobby. I group hobby. AA is fine. Like minded folk. Consider joining the dance group or a card playing club at the local YMCA.

Thanks for the post. Hope this helps you.

Please have faith in what we are telling you - it takes time, but you will change! Your mind will change! One day at a time! Today I have six months - so Im still new too but am feeling so much clearer and optimistic.

If you can carve out time to volunteer - do it! Helping others is a great way to meet people and build self esteem in the process.

Keep things simple - go for walks, listen to music you enjoy, find a cool series to watch, learn a new thing, listen to funny or inspirational podcasts - you can do this!! Over time as we log the days, take care of our bodies and follow up with our adult responsibilities, a peace begins to grow inside us, a quiet satisfaction in leading a good, solid life.

I think cultivating this kind of peace attracts others, much like when we are actively drinking, we attract other drinkers. I don't think we can have good relationships which make us happy if we are drinking.