Help me understand my alcohol problem...
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by Algorithm 
The desire to drink may possibly go away, but not necessarily, despite what anybody else may say about removing desire or there being a difference between not drinking and being sober. The desire has never gone away for me, and I don't believe that it ever will go away entirely.
The way I understand this thing, is that at a certain point, the illegitimate, artificial desire for chemically-enhanced feelings became mixed in with other, legitimate survival drives, such as hunger or thirst, and became a permanent part of my body. The only choice I have is to live with it, and I don't waste my time trying to remove it.
That's the price I have to pay for not following my original suspicion that anything that seems too good to be true (easy, synthetic pleasure on demand, without a price), probably is too good to be true, and for allowing myself to continue drinking for as long as I did. That said, this residual desire is a very small price to pay when compared to the price of active addiction.
Something to consider.
The way I understand this thing, is that at a certain point, the illegitimate, artificial desire for chemically-enhanced feelings became mixed in with other, legitimate survival drives, such as hunger or thirst, and became a permanent part of my body. The only choice I have is to live with it, and I don't waste my time trying to remove it.
That's the price I have to pay for not following my original suspicion that anything that seems too good to be true (easy, synthetic pleasure on demand, without a price), probably is too good to be true, and for allowing myself to continue drinking for as long as I did. That said, this residual desire is a very small price to pay when compared to the price of active addiction.
Something to consider.
The experience of others seems to indicate that even with many years of sobriety, relapses can cause those cravings and destructive patterns of drinking behavior to reassert themselves quickly and even get worse.
I find that disheartening. I like to think we can change our brain patterns and that we haven't done permanent damage. Perhaps I need to temper my expectations to steady progress, but probably never a complete reversal. I would never test it by trying moderate drinking.
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Do you miss drinking? And do resent having to be sober?
I didn't quit drinking to get sober; I quit to get my life back.
As someone who now lives in Wisconsin, I can also say that the drinking culture here is pervasive. Wisconsin claims some of the highest binge drinking rates in the nation. It has been a challenge to carve out a new normal in this state.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Originally Posted by secretchord
I would get some one on one help but the problem is I don't have good health insurance. I'd have to pay for it out of pocket.
If you had cancer and the only way to get the cure was to pay for it out of your pocket, wouldn't you do so? How much money did you spend on booze? My guess is that the savings would buy a few sessions??
One on one therapy was essential for me in my first year of sobriety. I know I wouldn't have made it through without it.
Please invest your resources in yourself. You're fighting a life-threatening disease that will do anything to kill you.
I wish you well in your struggle.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Have you made lifestyle choices that support your recovery? Have you picked up a hobby or began volunteer work or gotten involved in something that you love, in your spare time? You can fill your life with activities and people you love.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 356
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
I had to rebuild my life, not just quit drinking.
Find stress-relievers and activities for physical and mental
growth and peace.
I also don't attend meetings, but I do meditate, do yoga, work out at a gym,
hike regularly, read books, do enrichment classes like art, music, and anthropology, play guitar.
I keep a journal and deal with feelings both there and by honestly sharing with the people involved,
I just generally engage with life much more than when
I withdrew into a bottle.
I still tend to isolate, but overall that is gradually improving.
I also cook healthy delicious food, and make herbal tea blends to drink
instead of alcohol, and I work to love and appreciate who I am now
and who I'm growing into. That took some doing as I grew up
with low self-esteem and I really hated how I acted drinking.
I realize the above is quite a long list, and I don't do all these things everyday,
but I did figure out that recovery and quitting are truly different things.
If I was doing it on my own, I had to really be proactive in changing how
I thought, felt, and acted which led to the drinking in the first place.
It is some work, but very rewarding.
I don't have cravings, and I don't dream of drinking anymore.
I have so much else in my life, I no longer miss them.
Congrats on your year SC
Find stress-relievers and activities for physical and mental
growth and peace.
I also don't attend meetings, but I do meditate, do yoga, work out at a gym,
hike regularly, read books, do enrichment classes like art, music, and anthropology, play guitar.
I keep a journal and deal with feelings both there and by honestly sharing with the people involved,
I just generally engage with life much more than when
I withdrew into a bottle.
I still tend to isolate, but overall that is gradually improving.
I also cook healthy delicious food, and make herbal tea blends to drink
instead of alcohol, and I work to love and appreciate who I am now
and who I'm growing into. That took some doing as I grew up
with low self-esteem and I really hated how I acted drinking.
I realize the above is quite a long list, and I don't do all these things everyday,
but I did figure out that recovery and quitting are truly different things.
If I was doing it on my own, I had to really be proactive in changing how
I thought, felt, and acted which led to the drinking in the first place.
It is some work, but very rewarding.
I don't have cravings, and I don't dream of drinking anymore.
I have so much else in my life, I no longer miss them.
Congrats on your year SC
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
I had to rebuild my life, not just quit drinking.
Find stress-relievers and activities for physical and mental
growth and peace.
I also don't attend meetings, but I do meditate, do yoga, work out at a gym,
hike regularly, read books, do enrichment classes like art, music, and anthropology, play guitar.
I keep a journal and deal with feelings both there and by honestly sharing with the people involved,
I just generally engage with life much more than when
I withdrew into a bottle.
I still tend to isolate, but overall that is gradually improving.
I also cook healthy delicious food, and make herbal tea blends to drink
instead of alcohol, and I work to love and appreciate who I am now
and who I'm growing into. That took some doing as I grew up
with low self-esteem and I really hated how I acted drinking.
I realize the above is quite a long list, and I don't do all these things everyday,
but I did figure out that recovery and quitting are truly different things.
If I was doing it on my own, I had to really be proactive in changing how
I thought, felt, and acted which led to the drinking in the first place.
It is some work, but very rewarding.
I don't have cravings, and I don't dream of drinking anymore.
I have so much else in my life, I no longer miss them.
Congrats on your year SC
Find stress-relievers and activities for physical and mental
growth and peace.
I also don't attend meetings, but I do meditate, do yoga, work out at a gym,
hike regularly, read books, do enrichment classes like art, music, and anthropology, play guitar.
I keep a journal and deal with feelings both there and by honestly sharing with the people involved,
I just generally engage with life much more than when
I withdrew into a bottle.
I still tend to isolate, but overall that is gradually improving.
I also cook healthy delicious food, and make herbal tea blends to drink
instead of alcohol, and I work to love and appreciate who I am now
and who I'm growing into. That took some doing as I grew up
with low self-esteem and I really hated how I acted drinking.
I realize the above is quite a long list, and I don't do all these things everyday,
but I did figure out that recovery and quitting are truly different things.
If I was doing it on my own, I had to really be proactive in changing how
I thought, felt, and acted which led to the drinking in the first place.
It is some work, but very rewarding.
I don't have cravings, and I don't dream of drinking anymore.
I have so much else in my life, I no longer miss them.
Congrats on your year SC
I agree with Hawkeye. I have 8 and a half months sober, but this time I have focused more on recovery, and lifestyle changes than not drinking. In the past I tried to quit several times and found myself cycling between brief periods of sobriety followed by failed attempts at moderation.
This year I focused on a healthy physical and mental lifestyle. I exercise, mainly hiking and yoga, plan out fun activities with my kids and with friends, read, and journal about things I am grateful for. I have lost 42 pounds since January, by focusing on eating healthy, and I am feeling better in all aspects of my life.
I still have to balance a very demanding job, and being a mom to three kids aged 9, 11, and 13, so the outlets above were important for me.
Maybe finding an activity, or learning a little more about mindfulness would help you flip your mindset. There are still many days that are stressful, but I have found healthier ways to deal with them. I also have set both short and long term goals for myself, so journaling helps me track my progress toward both.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
AA meetings were my thing either but no one ever said we were suppose to like doing the work of recovery. Meetings are only one piece of the puzzle. Getting a sponsor and working the steps is what relives us of the obsession and compulsion to drink
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by secretchord
I don't understand why I still have a desire to drink everyday.
It wasn't until I drastically changed my perspective and realized alcohol had no tangible benefits that my cravings went away almost completely.
Allen Carr's book Stop Drinking Now helped me achieve that drastic change in perspective, perhaps it could help you too? Give it a read, the only thing you have to lose is a little cash and the time it takes to read it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
Allen Carr's book Stop Drinking Now helped me achieve that drastic change in perspective, perhaps it could help you too? Give it a read, the only thing you have to lose is a little cash and the time it takes to read it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by cwood3
That's funny, I'm reading Annie Grace's This Naked Mind and it does the same thing, makes you realize zero benefits from alcohol...then logic kicks in.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Do I miss drinking? Yes sometimes.
Do I resent having to be sober? No.
I figure I already used up my lifetime drinking credits. So to speak. It's really an attitude adjustment.
What I really don't miss is waking up day after day and feeling like crap.
Do I resent having to be sober? No.
I figure I already used up my lifetime drinking credits. So to speak. It's really an attitude adjustment.
What I really don't miss is waking up day after day and feeling like crap.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by secretchord
I'm confused about it all because it doesn't make sense to me, and it bothers me when things don't make sense.
Mountainman
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by GroundhogDay
If you are coming up on a year and still have strong cravings, then you definitely need to look into making some changes in your life.
This also causes former drinkers not to admit that they may have the desire from time to time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with desire per se, or with dreams, and there is therefore absolutely nothing wrong with me, for example, simply because my body has a residual desire for alcohol. I consider it simply a natural consequence of heavy drinking for so many years. Frankly, I would be surprised if I didn't have a residual desire for the stuff.
Those who advocate waging war against desire mean well, but consider that very few people ever suggest waging war against sexual desire in order to abstain from sexual behavior. That desire is simply accepted as a biological fact, not something to fear or something needing removal/exorcism. Why should things be any different with addictions?
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