Nobody really cares
 

i always thought that people would freak out with curiosity when I declined to drink as I gain sobriety. Starting to slowly and carefully attend functions where some are drinking. If you don't make a big deal about it nobody even seems to notice. We can Scratch that off the list of reasons we fear being sober😀

I know right. It is crazy to think that we aren't the center of the universe. I find that most people are so concerned about what everyone is thinking about them that they don't really pay attention to what I am doing (unless I try to get their attention).

Yeah, people don't care like we think they will. Only ones who notice and the other alcoholics.

^ That's absolutely been my experience. Oh, and my family.
D

When I clocked up my one year anniversary, I was genuinely disappointed and surprised that complete strangers weren't spontaneously hugging and high-fiving me when I visited the mall.

Honestly.

We live so much inside our own heads, hey ?

Thanks for posting this. I was also surpised at how many people either don't drink alcohol, or drink very little at social occasions.

Fradley

Good post Matt

Absolutely true.

And, this is one of the reasons I scratch my head when people post about how to decline invitations to social things and drinking-involved stuff like bar nights etc. People. Do. Not. Care. (if you don't drink). If they like you and are real friends, they will be supportive- but you (IMO) don't owe anyone an explanation.

So much of our disease is the "me centered," the ego, etc. In big and small ways, we have to keep re-orienting our brains around the new idea that we are just one of many snowflakes out there, not a sole special one!

So , along these lines, I have an out of town high school reunion next weekend. I just finished two weeks. I know people won't care...or my close friends may just think, good for you (health or whatever...they live far away). BUT I still have this urge to lie and say I am on medication or something that will commit me from being able to mentally wiggle out of it. Is that crazy? Again, this is not for them but to stop me from thinking about it.

Yup. It was quite a shock to discover the only person in the room paying attention to what everyone else was drinking was ME.

That is one of the nice things about the age we live in. People today are understanding.

I'd blog, but then I'd miss people's responses.

While we're drinking, and even before we start, many of us have trained ourselves to make a big deal of all the terrible things that will happen to us, and what we'll feel around certain people, places and things. And with good reason. A good day at work for me meant I wasn't fired. A good day at home was when my keys still fit the locks on the front door. And not being dead meant I was okay, but only some of the time.

I took most things to the extreme; everything was life-or-death. Life consisted of the continued availability of alcohol and my ability to drink it, and death projected as living life without booze. I was, in a very pitiable way, the center of the Universe, my brown paper bag filled with delusional aspirations and a fractured view of what was and what was not real. No one bounces back from that kind of existence with either speed or grace. And I've since noticed that coming back from the dead is not an everyday occurrence.

And so it remains in early sobriety. I continue to seek validation from the outside, ignoring screams of protest from within. Negative attention is better than none at all. I am always in the process of what I'll eventually be, if only people would just notice. "Hey! I'm supposed to be a famous actor! A published writer! A prodigious scientist! A millionaire! A rock star! A winner of the Nobel Peace Prize! You just have to know me better to know this! You can even ask my friends, down at the bar!"

I usually get in trouble when I imagine that there's a point to my existence. But there isn't, so I'd beat get to work. One of the best things about my getting sober was that no one seemed to care. Took the pressure off and brought my ego down to a more manageable size. Also helped me to learn something that I always knew but never accepted: If I want to do great things, no mater how big or small the scale, then I neede to find something that I loved doing and then stick with it. That I essentially needed to work very hard to get where I wanted to be, regardless of who did and who didn't care, and with much less concern for the outcome of my efforts than previously.

One of the more exquisite moments of Existence is the realization that the Universe, in unequal measures of both terror and a sense of freedom,, is as indifferent to our suffering as it is to our achievements. There are consequences for everything we do, and we influence people more than we know, and that in this way, knowing is never as valuable as believing. Even better is to learn that this is enough to keep on going.

When I'm ask if I want a beer I just say no not today. So far 100 % of the time I get no follow up questioning. I will say I would Frabricate a story in a minute if I thought it was necessary to maintain sobriety. Why not I used to lie like crazy so I could drink!😜

Hah, good point. Thanks mattq2. Maybe the reality is a combo. Tell myself that I can't because it would interfere with medication if only to remind myself that it is a medical reason I am not drinking and then end with telling people "not today." I like that. Simple. Sweet. No one will care. Just a reminder to myself that it is a real health reason and not my choice. I guess that is the lie of "on medication"....I just need to think of it that way. I have no choice for my health.

Thanks for the advice and thanks for the thread. Writing this stuff to the group really does help think it through. You guys rock.

I've only had a few people question my not drinking since I got sober, and they are people I'm closer to. So it's only natural they'd ask. The rest of the world really doesn't care. One bit.

I went to a wedding anniversary party a few weeks ago and ordered a Diet Coke at the bar. Much to the despair of my bar owner buddy who suggested that I drink vodka and Coke if I didn't fancy drinking beer. It wasn't because he wanted me to spend more money in his pub, he genuinely did think that he was giving me good advice lol.

It's a transformative thing to realize - how little others care. If anything it's the people who may feel uncomfortable with our sobriety because it highlights their drinking. And, in fact, they shouldn't mind - just more poison for them to consume anyhow!

Good observation Mattq. People fret WAY too much over not drinking at events where drinking takes place. People don't care.

On the other hand, have one too many and the whole world will know.

Good post. Just remember, it's not only about the drinking that people don't care.

I totally agree. I have never given any false reasons and have never gotten any pushback. And if I did it would not change my decision.

Yep, same experience for me. With the exception of family and others that are likely questioning their own drinking, no one even seems to notice.