The Beast Wants Me Dead - Day Three
I Just Keep Coming Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 97
The Beast Wants Me Dead - Day Three
Hi all,
I'm on another Day 3 of sober living. Having attempting to detox at home, I've been to the ER six times in the last two weeks. Only to come home and drink again every time. This has been a vicious cycle for me as I look back over my posts from 2012 when I was not drinking.
Last year was my worst ever and it's just carried on to this year. I did thirty days in an in treatment program only to drink two days later. I was also hospitalized for acute pancreatitis. That scared me into not drinking for 4 months, but again I didn't use my tool kit.
My breaking point came last night when I was supposed to check into a detox facility. When the counselor told me I brought to much clothing, etc. I said this isn't the place for me and walked away. I had the hugest argument with my friend who has seen The Beast turn me into someone he doesn't recognize.
Although I didn't check into detox and we argued, I still didn't drink. I went to a meeting today and read posts here. I'm determined to do this. My life depends on it.
Thanks for having me back.
I'm on another Day 3 of sober living. Having attempting to detox at home, I've been to the ER six times in the last two weeks. Only to come home and drink again every time. This has been a vicious cycle for me as I look back over my posts from 2012 when I was not drinking.
Last year was my worst ever and it's just carried on to this year. I did thirty days in an in treatment program only to drink two days later. I was also hospitalized for acute pancreatitis. That scared me into not drinking for 4 months, but again I didn't use my tool kit.
My breaking point came last night when I was supposed to check into a detox facility. When the counselor told me I brought to much clothing, etc. I said this isn't the place for me and walked away. I had the hugest argument with my friend who has seen The Beast turn me into someone he doesn't recognize.
Although I didn't check into detox and we argued, I still didn't drink. I went to a meeting today and read posts here. I'm determined to do this. My life depends on it.
Thanks for having me back.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Hello and Welcome back,
Is there an option to go back to the detox center? It may be the best place for you to get through the initial first days, and then work with them to develop a recovery plan for when you leave.
Is there an option to go back to the detox center? It may be the best place for you to get through the initial first days, and then work with them to develop a recovery plan for when you leave.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: London
Posts: 512
Oh wow queen you really have had it tough. I'm with Delilah thinking could you not try to get back into rehab as you will probably need as stance with detoxing. Really really really hope you stick with it this time, you deserve a life worth living, time to kill the beast for good!! Blessings. Elle
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,184
ER 6 times in 2 weeks VB is serious stuff
I agree with Delilah that it might be a good idea to see if you can get into a detox facility where you can be medically monitored and it would kickstand your recovery
Whatever you decide I wish you good luck
I agree with Delilah that it might be a good idea to see if you can get into a detox facility where you can be medically monitored and it would kickstand your recovery
Whatever you decide I wish you good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
im glad ya went to a meeting and didnt drink.
can you explain something?
"When the counselor told me I brought to much clothing, etc. I said this isn't the place for me and walked away. "
why did you think it wasnt the place for you?
it seems if you truly aredetermined you will return to the detox and look into rehab.
can you explain something?
"When the counselor told me I brought to much clothing, etc. I said this isn't the place for me and walked away. "
why did you think it wasnt the place for you?
it seems if you truly aredetermined you will return to the detox and look into rehab.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Don't capitalize the beast. Don't give it any honors. That "thing" is a limbless lump of lizard brain that wants to gain traction in your mind. Don't let it have ANY place. Deny it and kill it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Vibrant:
I have encountered people who say they went to a detox or even a 28 or more day rehab and came out to drink, some drinking on the way home. The only way to lock up the beast (who's just waiting for you to step out that door) is aftercare with random urine and/or blood testing. Complete transparency on these issues with your caregivers and, as recovery progresses, with yourself,.Complete honesty with yourself. Your life depends on it. That AV has to be caged up somehow and the key thrown away. A simple detox and quick release has been referred to as nothing but a "spin dry" by skeptical nursing staff. Good luck.
I have encountered people who say they went to a detox or even a 28 or more day rehab and came out to drink, some drinking on the way home. The only way to lock up the beast (who's just waiting for you to step out that door) is aftercare with random urine and/or blood testing. Complete transparency on these issues with your caregivers and, as recovery progresses, with yourself,.Complete honesty with yourself. Your life depends on it. That AV has to be caged up somehow and the key thrown away. A simple detox and quick release has been referred to as nothing but a "spin dry" by skeptical nursing staff. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
I don't want to sound like I'm advocating any method of help for recovery over another, but............I honestly believe we all should be able to recite AA Step 1:
"We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable"
I find a lot of truth in that and it can take a lot of weight off of oneself.
"We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable"
I find a lot of truth in that and it can take a lot of weight off of oneself.
I Just Keep Coming Back
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 97
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
im glad ya went to a meeting and didnt drink.
can you explain something?
"When the counselor told me I brought to much clothing, etc. I said this isn't the place for me and walked away. "
why did you think it wasnt the place for you?
it seems if you truly aredetermined you will return to the detox and look into rehab.
can you explain something?
"When the counselor told me I brought to much clothing, etc. I said this isn't the place for me and walked away. "
why did you think it wasnt the place for you?
it seems if you truly aredetermined you will return to the detox and look into rehab.
I will be looking into other locations today (Monday). All in all, I still did not drink today. My withdrawal symptoms are fading - I only have mild hand shaking right now. I'm ready to start this journey again as I remember how happy and clear-headed I was when I was sober.
Thanks to you all for your support. This site is working wonders for me.
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