Marissa41

I don't know why I'm sending this out. But I'm tired of being called every name in the book. C*** being the worst probably. I'll own up to B****. lol I am an alcoholic. I will admit that. I am also married to one that won't admit his problem or his abuse. I'm a passive person and I don't cheat or go out to bars. I'm out of work right now and that has not been fun. I'm not sure what response I want from posting here except to say I want to be sober. I've had a long hard road like a lot of us. I think I'm tired.

Dee74

Welcome

I'm sorry you're dealing with that Marissa. I don't think there ever any grounds for abuse, and verbal abuse is just as bad as any other kind.

D

Tonymblue

Alcohol is definitely the universal solvent.

madgirl

Alcohol changes us - it changed me for sure. Hard to cultivate empathy, patience, kindness and an open mind within relationships when we are consumed with using - drunk, hangover, the misery of trying to exist in the "sober" stretches between drinking sessions. It turns us into self absorbed, miserable people.

My H likes to drink but can stop after a few - unlike me; however I have noticed when he has even a few he gets grumpy and mean. His altered personality is clear now that I have quit drinking.

Try very hard to protect yourself. It is soooo painful to suffer any kind of abuse within your own home. Focus on sobriety for YOU - to make your own existence during our short stay on earth a rich and happy one. No one can do it for you.

Soberwolf

Have you got a plan in place Marissa

Anna

Marissa, Welcome!

I hope you know that you don't have to live with abuse. Verbal abuse is never okay. Please take a look at the resources that I have posted, and I'm glad that you have decided to stop drinking.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Abuse Defined

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support (US)

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Canada: Home « HotPeachPages International
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International
UK: call Women’s Aid*at 0808 2000 247.
Australia: call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.
Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis centers

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Marissa!!

uncorked

Hi Marissa, I was also in a verbally abusive marriage. I got called all of those names you mentioned and worse. It was awful. The thing was, I felt almost like I deserved it because of my drinking. When you're the problem drinker, you get labeled "the problem," period. Your husband doesn't have to look at himself because it's so easy and convenient to blame everything on you. At least that's the way it was in my marriage. Once you stop drinking (and you can! I promise!), the dynamic will change. You will be less likely to tolerate his abuse because you'll have respect for yourself. The first step is to stop drinking. I know how insurmountable that seems and how much easier it is to deal with abuse when you're numb and don't care. But you will be able to deal with your husband, your job situation, and your life with a much clearer mind. I wound up going to inpatient rehab....not sure if I really needed treatment that drastic, but this particular place helped me find calm and peace within myself. It was exactly what I needed, as my husband had filed for divorce. You'll find a lot of help on this board if you reach out. We've all been there. Take care.

Marissa41

Well our 25th wedding anniversary passed yesterday uneventfully. I guess that's good and bad. I spent the morning with my 19yo autistic daughter volunteering, grooming horses, at a small stable that gives physical therapy and equine therapy to disabled kids. I thought it would be good therapy for us both, for free. Win Win! So we will be doing that once a week.

Soberwolf asked if I had a plan. So I've been thinking about it. Volunteering sounded like a good place to start. I know of 2 local meetings. One of them is a women's AA, which I have been to before, and the other is Celebrate Recovery at a local church.
The church also has grief counseling on the same night and I think I might need that more. My younger brother died in an auto pedestrian accident on June 25 when he was crossing a 6 lane hwy. He was only 25 and no one is certain if it was an accident or suicide. He had his demons too.

Every time I think about not drinking I seem to drink even more. I think that is anxiety and stress. If I could just completely make it through one day then I would be on to the next day and the next. My problem is getting started.
Everyone on this site is so much appreciated for sharing their stories, their successes and failures, to help others. Thank you.

MIRecovery

I've never seen a problem alcohol won't make worse. Admitting you are am alcohol is a good thing. Doing something about it is even better

january161992

sorry for the loss

my sister got married and then immediately widowed 2 years ago when i was 22 years sober and very active in aa

a saw a therapist for a while and it helped

i say this because i thought when i was new that old timers in aa were perfect and had no problems

just my experience

God bless

Anna

Marissa, it's good to hear from you. I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.

I relate to wanting to drink more when I decided to stop drinking. It seemed like my mind went into overdrive with fear of losing alcohol. The first day is tough but you can do it. Get rid of the alcohol in your house. Plan the day carefully. I found it really helpful to shake up my daily routine in the early weeks in order to break the habit aspect of drinking, and it helped.

Marissa41

I did very well when my husband kept his booze and drinking outside in his man cave. I could stay in the house and not have to see him drinking or see it in the frig. It might be worth the investment to buy him another small frig.

My birthday is coming up so my present to myself is to kick him back to the man cave with a new frig. Probably the best present I can give myself!