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Hangover

Old 09-10-2016, 01:05 AM
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Hangover

Hello

Well I'm currently in bed with a sore head and dry mouth - alone. My partner has gone to sleep elsewhere. I'm not sure why just yet, but I've got a pretty good idea it's because I was drunk last night.

I've had enough and I want to stop drinking - it's not always a problem and I'm not dependant but if I'm honest as time goes by my habit is getting the worse and I'm getting worse. I don't depend on alcohol but crave it when feeling low and stressed , although I know this probably isn't a good time to be drinking.

Sometimes a can have a drink or two and be fine. Other times I drink a lot and I'm fine. But sometimes it's not, last night I had an outburst and was horrible to people I love and care about , last week I got so drunk I actually had a wee in the house - I can remember this happening 3 or 4 times this year - before that I've been drunk at a works party and embarrassed myself - I've not even cast my mind back longer than a year yet , but the truth is I could keep remembering all the stupid things I've done , times I've embarrassed myself, times I've injured myself, people I've upset/hurt/said or done something nasty too. These things go back to my first drink - some i can remember but I'm sure I've forgotten about some too, and I've no doubt some I'm probably not even aware of.

My job is stressful and I use that as an excuse to drink when really I shouldn't.

Ive get a lot of feeling of self loathing today and that's not a first either , I feel bad about myself when I've behaved badly but I continue to do it.

I've had enough and I want to quit and be back in control of the kind caring person I know I am, I'm not always horrible when I'm drunk but sometimes I am - and sooner or later that's going to cost me dearly and I don't want to take that risk.

Right now I'm scared and not even that confident , the thought of never drinking again is daunting - how bad is that ? But lying here righting that and realising that thought is probably part of the problem !

I'm sorry if I've waffled on but just wrote my immediate thoughts today - I don't want to get up and face whatever I've done last night

Felling low , guilty and stupid
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:13 AM
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Welcome Benjamin. You'll find a lot of support here, people who have been where you are now, and lots of help to get and stay sober. It's really awful to think of all the things we have done when drinking, and a hangover doesn't help, but you don't have to feel like this again.
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:14 AM
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Welcome to SR!

The only way to make a change is to take one tiny step at a time. I'm hoping for a good sober day for you Benjamin . If you feel so inclined, I highly recommend going to a meeting of AA; it is not the only way to get or remain sober but, for me, it has been an essential part of remaining sober. I go twice a week to meetings and have over 3.5 years of sobriety now - when I was first trying to get sober I really struggled to think past a day or a week without a drink, but it absolutely is possible.

I wish you the very best
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:17 AM
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Hi, Benjamin.

Welcome to SR!

No need to feel low, guilty or stupid - it doesn't help.

Good for you to reach out for help - and SR is a great place which saved sobriety of many people, myself included.

Hangover will pass. And it's completely in your power to make this hangover the last one and never had this humiliating feeling again.

It's absolutely ok to to scared when thinking about never having a drink again - I was totally terrified in early recovery. Don't look too far in the future for now - focus on now, on today, on the next hour, on next 10 minutes. Your goal for know to make it through - even though by the skin of your teeth. It will get better later.

Drink lots of water, get some sleep. Don't beat yourself up - it's not productive. Yesterday is in the past, you can't change it. But you can make a step in right direction now.

Stick to SR - reading and posting here helped me a lot, it was my lifeline. A lot of wisdom and support here .

Best wishes to you. Hold on.
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:27 AM
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Thank you

I've been thinking I should go to a meeting but I'm nervous , I don't find it easy talking about myself and I'm worried I'll get emotional , I just cried a moment ago and it felt good to let something out for a change

I was going to go to a meeting about 2 months ago when I made an error of judgment and drinking could have but thankfully didn't cost me my job - but I talked myself out of it and said I could quit on my own , I think i lasted a week not a great effort

It's scary thinking about never drinking again - how sad is that ? But I guess it's another reflection of my problem

I've always had addictions - in fact thinking about it I can't do many things to a sensible degree

I suppose I better get up and face my day - I want to talk to my partner but I feel ashamed
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:42 AM
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Oh Benjamin I feel for you I really do, I have been in your position sooooo many times, waking up not knowing what I did or said the night before. Seeing the hurt and sadness in my partners eyes, feeling so lost frightened and ashamed, wishing and praying it would never happen again. This would be followed by periods of abstinence or moderation and then bang it would happen again.
I tried everything, hypnotism, acupuncture, therapy even took Antabuse for a month last year so desperate was I not to get drunk and not to lose the man I loved but guess what, I did get drunk again and I did lose the man I loved. It's a progressive illness that destroys us and everyone around us.
I backed off many many times through fear of never being able to drink again, I refused to accept I had a problem, reasoning and comparing myself to others, what I refused to see was the effect my drinking was having on the lives of those around me. I refused to understand that by continuing to drink I was chaining myself to a life of shame and self loathing.
It is only now, through recovery I can look at my past behaviours honestly and openly and learn from them and move on. There is a saying "don't pick up the first drink and you won't get drunk".
Am sending you heartfelt wishes for a good day, it may be hard but the only thing I do know is a drink won't make it any easier.
Take care. Elle
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:50 AM
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Benjamin - no need to worry about crying at a meeting or talking about yourself - many of us have cried many times at many meetings. You don't need to talk, either - just say 'I'll pass' - it is more important to 'seek identification' and listen to others than it is to talk, certainly at your first few meetings. You will be made to feel welcome, which was a bit of a revelation for me as I didn't really feel welcome anywhere when I first went along.

Don't let your reservations and fears hold you back from getting the help you need.
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:55 AM
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Are you in the uk Benjamin? I live close to London where there are loads of meetings, could go to 3 a day if I choose. The main thing is listen to the similarities not the differences, that's where you will get the identification. If it's an "open" meeting you could take your partner with you for support.... Just a suggestion.
Hugs
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Old 09-10-2016, 01:57 AM
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Welcome Benjamin. I am sorry you are feeling so bad this morning. Drink a lot of water and take care of yourself. Reaching out on here is a great start. If you want to go to a meeting be assured that you don't have to talk if you don't want to and crying is perfectly ok.
I went to my first meeting still slightly drunk. I didn't just cry, I sobbed nearly the entire time. The people at the meeting welcomed me, talked to me and told me I never had to feel that way again. They asked me if I wanted to talk or share anything and I said no. I just sat and listened and cried. Even though I was slightly drunk and crying I was not kicked out and was provided help. As long as you aren't disrupting the meeting you are welcome there.
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Old 09-10-2016, 02:02 AM
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Thank you both

Yes I'm in the uk Elle up north though - I will have a look where there are some meetings and plan to go to one soon - I can't face it today.

I've still not got up :-/ ..... But better had , today starts here with a few apologies I'm guessing

Going to try talk it through with other half 👍

I am realising I actually have to do this now
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Old 09-10-2016, 02:12 AM
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Yes Benjamin have been there many times facing the music is just so hard. Honesty always helps and if you show her you are willing and really want to change, if she truly loves you she will stand by and support you.
It's an illness Benjamin, it's not your fault but you can recover from it if you so choose.
Blessings
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Old 09-10-2016, 02:31 AM
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Welcome Benjamin ☺There are quite a few of us from the UK.
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Old 09-10-2016, 03:16 AM
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Another from the UK here mate and up North too - I can relate to much of what you are saying as many others will too.

Waking feeling as you do now is no way to live and there is one way you can put a stop to it, you really don't have to wake up with that feeling again - one thing I have learnt is not to look too far into the future but ensure that I take responsibility for my actions, I can't control what I turn in to and the things I do once I start drinking but I can control it if I don't drink.

Mean what you are saying in those words to your other half tho and do everything you possibly can to work at putting things right one day at a time.

Good luck mate - hope the conversation goes ok but give them space and show sincerity not just pleading for forgiveness- remember actions speak much louder than words.

I'd also recommend joining the September class for support from others at the same stage of recovery as you and there's also a 24hr thread for daily accountability - plenty of support here - stick around and don't be afraid to reach out there's plenty of people willing to help if that's what you want and need.

Look forward to seeing you around.
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Old 09-10-2016, 04:00 AM
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Hi Benjamin make sure to keep checking in & stay accountable if you feel urges or cravings tell us we'll help get you through

1 drink is too many a thousand is never enough it's not the 2nd the 3rd the 4th drink it's that first drink that you need to stay away from its going to be tough but I know you can do it

Stick with us bud

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
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Old 09-10-2016, 04:47 AM
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Welcome. Glad you're here. You can do it.
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Old 09-10-2016, 04:49 AM
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Thumbs down

Originally Posted by Benjamin123 View Post
Thank you

I've been thinking I should go to a meeting but I'm nervous , I don't find it easy talking about myself and I'm worried I'll get emotional , I just cried a moment ago and it felt good to let something out for a change

I was going to go to a meeting about 2 months ago when I made an error of judgment and drinking could have but thankfully didn't cost me my job - but I talked myself out of it and said I could quit on my own , I think i lasted a week not a great effort

It's scary thinking about never drinking again - how sad is that ? But I guess it's another reflection of my problem

I've always had addictions - in fact thinking about it I can't do many things to a sensible degree

I suppose I better get up and face my day - I want to talk to my partner but I feel ashamed
my first meeting all i could say was," im tom, im an alcoholic and i cant take it anymore" and cried the rest of the meeting. i didnt have to say anything else- those people understood exactly how i felt. i cried at quite a few meetings after and even years in a few times.

the scarey thing about quitting drinking for me was fear of the unknown- i had no clue what life without alcohol would be like. but i had a few things going for me:
i knew what my life with alcohol still in it was going to be like- not much left. i was only existing in gloom,dispair,and agony.
i had courage to go to a meeting and keep returning. i had courage to get the big book and learn what it was about.
then i gained faith that it would work for me like it had for countless others.
best decision i ever made was my decision to give up alcohol and go to AA.
it didnt save my life- it gave me life.
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Old 09-10-2016, 04:54 AM
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Originally Posted by feeling-good View Post
Welcome to SR!

The only way to make a change is to take one tiny step at a time. I'm hoping for a good sober day for you Benjamin . If you feel so inclined, I highly recommend going to a meeting of AA; it is not the only way to get or remain sober but, for me, it has been an essential part of remaining sober. I go twice a week to meetings and have over 3.5 years of sobriety now - when I was first trying to get sober I really struggled to think past a day or a week without a drink, but it absolutely is possible.

I wish you the very best
^This!

Today, take care of yourself. You may have some apologizing to do- in a sense, that is secondary to not drinking. Today would indeed be a great day to go to an AA meeting- one way of perhaps taking off the immediate stress of "oh my God, what have I done, now I've really screwed things up" is that part of your apology is acknowledging you have a problem and saying what you are going to do TODAY. Just today.

You can do it.

Hope to see you around. We know how you feel and also know you can find a different life.
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Old 09-10-2016, 05:13 AM
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Hi Benjamin, I'm glad you posted. You're not alone, many of us can identify with exactly where you are this morning. Your post brought me right back to the many mornings I would open my eyes and realize that I didn't remember events of the last evening. When I did manage to pull myself out of bed, coming down the stairs, I would see my husband sitting at his computer. I didn't even want to say anything for fear of what I was about to find out. I would finally say "good morning" and then the tell. If he said it back and in a regular tone then I was ok. If he said it but it was tight and low I knew that something had happened. If he didn't answer I knew that whatever happened was pretty bad.

The good news is that you don't ever have to deal with that again. You recognize that you have a problem and you want to do something about it.

You're right, thinking of never drinking again is scary. So, start by not thinking about forever and just focus on today.

This forum is the best 24/7 support that you can get. You've taken the first step by posting.

Although it's hard to do right now try to feel a little relief because life is going to get a whole lot better. You're headed in the right direction.
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Old 09-10-2016, 05:17 AM
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Welcome Benjamin. Not much more I can add to the great words from others. You've obviously identified that you need to make a change in your life. Stay with SR--there's all kinds of support here. If you're truly serious and committed to making the change, we can help you figure things out.
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Old 09-10-2016, 05:57 AM
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Thank you to everyone for all the kind words and advice - I've found out where my local meetings are and will attend one this week - I just don't want to leave the house if I'm honest today.

Had a talk with my other half and apologised for my behaviour last night - I was a total idiot as presumed earlier. I've made it clear I want to give up drinking because of the problems I cause when I'm drunk, I got the words deja vu when i offered my apology but that's a fair comment

I'm sure I will feel a bit better tomorrow when I'm not hungover - that is one positive thought I've had today is I won't miss feeling rough!

Going to focus on getting through today and try my best to build he bridges at home
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