Elle126

OMG got a message last night from a friend who is FB friends with my ex telling me that he has gone to Canada to marry the love of his life. Went into total free fall and abandonment. Fortunately had no alcohol or sleeping pills in the house otherwise would have downed the lot and ended up in hospital. Instead had to feel the pain and ride it out in the same way that ordinary people do....... First major emotional crises without booze, was tough, painful, hell on earth but at least I handled it sober gahhhhhh 😤

Pinky1

I've just seen this thread elle
It must be so hard for you but drinking as we know won't help or change anything.
Congratulations on 9 weeks and picking yourself straight back up after a slip
Just focus on today and keeping sober. That's what I'm doing
Good luck
☺

VirginiaWoof

You're most definitely not a failure. You are a work in progress x

sweetichick

Elle,
I feel so sorry reading your post. I had a real broken heart 20 years ago but my last 2 breakups I knew it was for the best. It sounds like you are being torn in 2 by your ex being married again. I don't know what to suggest except that time does heal. I'm so glad now the 20 year ago romance ended. I moved on, had kids. You can too. I have no pain over my ex now or the others. Just wanted to share that I know what you are going through.

Elle126

Thank you all for your support. Funny old life eh? Last night was in unbearable pain, literally wanted to die.... So glad I didn't pick up, so glad I survived and so grateful it's a beautiful sunny day and today will go shopping with my daughter and tomorrow my baby is coming home after travelling for 9 months. The last time saw me I was sitting in a dark room drinking wine and vodka am so excited at the thought that she will find me whole and well and she will have her mother back. She is also thrilled that my ex is no longer here - he was the main reason she went away. Life can only get better😀

Ooona

Woot Woot!! Fantastic job getting through that painful moment!
I completely understand having to work through pain and all the emotions that go with it. I sincerely believe that we all have a journey and sometimes we dont understand the highs and lows in our lives but that answers will come in the future. Better things are waiting for you Elle, just hang on to what you have stay sober long enough to find out!

Elle126

Thank you Oona you are absolutely right. I am now more determined than ever to turn my life around and stay sober and yes oneday I will look back on this time and see the life lessons with clarity. X

Quincy

Great job Elle. You've just went through a very tough time and persevered. I hope this builds a stronger confidence for you to fall back for the future.

Elle126

Thank you Quincy am patting myself on the back!!! Yey... Isn't it wonderful I don't have to drink today!

Elle126

Ok I know this is really boring now, many of my friends refuse to discuss but am in abject pain as seen ex's wedding photos on FB. How do I feel right now? Invisible, insignificant, a failure (big time) just another pathetic drunk (oh yeh) suicidal? Pissed off removed anything even remotely damaging from house. Gahhhhhhhhhhhh take me out of this space!!!
Lollll am sitting here wondering if I have anything in my medicine cabinet to remove the pain gahhh nope got rid of that stuff long ago. Gahhhhhhh everything's shut now gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjh get me out of this space.........

August252015

(Gentle voice) Maybe now is a good time to stay off FB? Even....unfriend/block him? Please take care of yourself.

Elle126

I try so hard. My primary addiction is love addiction. I can put the booze down but him? Like a banshee howling in the wind. This to me is the worst pain imaginable, goes back to childhood core stuff.... I remember at about the age of 6 screaming into my pillow wishing to die. Still here and now can only ask why ? Elle❤️

Dee74

I agree with August, elle,. Give FB a break.
You're torturing yourself for no good reason.

Elle126

Thank you Dee keep reminding me. This stuff can kill me X