Bitterness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lodi, CA
Posts: 80
Bitterness
I'm currently staying with family for now, I outlined my situation in a post called "my latest mess" yesterday. I'm ten days sober right now.
What's on my mind right now is I see my friends post on fb pictures of themselves at bars. These are close friends, not drinking buddies, who are supportive of me but aren't alcoholics. I also think of my estranged sister, who is an alcoholic, probably enjoying the fact that I'm down and out because of my drinking. It makes me bitter. I resent that they can drink and not destroy their lives. I resent my sister who only gets by because her husband is well off and enables her. I don't know why I feel this; it's not their fault they aren't alcoholics and I shouldn't care what my sister thinks. But it makes me feel resentful and sad.
Can anyone relate? I'm ten days sober and am working to keep it up. Figured it'd be better to share my feelings here then let it get the best of me.
What's on my mind right now is I see my friends post on fb pictures of themselves at bars. These are close friends, not drinking buddies, who are supportive of me but aren't alcoholics. I also think of my estranged sister, who is an alcoholic, probably enjoying the fact that I'm down and out because of my drinking. It makes me bitter. I resent that they can drink and not destroy their lives. I resent my sister who only gets by because her husband is well off and enables her. I don't know why I feel this; it's not their fault they aren't alcoholics and I shouldn't care what my sister thinks. But it makes me feel resentful and sad.
Can anyone relate? I'm ten days sober and am working to keep it up. Figured it'd be better to share my feelings here then let it get the best of me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
Sure I can relate - as many of us can.
I think it's natural in early sobriety to look at the world we are 'missing'.
I think it helps to take some perspective. You are looking at the pictures through your own newly sober lens. They haven't thought twice about their photos, the location, or the props. They trigger you. You wish you could be like them. You envy them. Any chance you are isolating yourself as well? It seems to be a natural for most of the people I meet in early recovery. We all sort of feel the need to remove ourselves from everything to the point of staring at the walls. While I don't suggest you connect and go out with people who are drinking, I do suggest you come up with distractions as well as locating support near you (whatever support you think will help, AA, counselling, etc).
At 18 months I tend not to interpret others pictures, and I no longer feel they were intended to make me envious.
I also remember that things like Facebook and Instagram are false narratives of just the 'best part' of people's lives. No one posts things that aren't somehow fabulous and best versions of themselves. Try telling yourself that ten minutes after the photo was taken, they had an awkward silence and no one knew what to talk about next!
Early recovery is a wicked mind game for many of us. I still have to straighten my thinking out. Almost every day. My brain sends lies to me all the time. Rather than react, as I used to, I take the minutes I need to process, judge, and then either react or not. Sobriety is the only thing that has gotten me to this point.
10 days is fantastic, keep going, and stop looking at the awesome fake lives of others. I promise you their lives are not roses and sunshine all the time. They just don't post the crap parts.
I think it's natural in early sobriety to look at the world we are 'missing'.
I think it helps to take some perspective. You are looking at the pictures through your own newly sober lens. They haven't thought twice about their photos, the location, or the props. They trigger you. You wish you could be like them. You envy them. Any chance you are isolating yourself as well? It seems to be a natural for most of the people I meet in early recovery. We all sort of feel the need to remove ourselves from everything to the point of staring at the walls. While I don't suggest you connect and go out with people who are drinking, I do suggest you come up with distractions as well as locating support near you (whatever support you think will help, AA, counselling, etc).
At 18 months I tend not to interpret others pictures, and I no longer feel they were intended to make me envious.
I also remember that things like Facebook and Instagram are false narratives of just the 'best part' of people's lives. No one posts things that aren't somehow fabulous and best versions of themselves. Try telling yourself that ten minutes after the photo was taken, they had an awkward silence and no one knew what to talk about next!
Early recovery is a wicked mind game for many of us. I still have to straighten my thinking out. Almost every day. My brain sends lies to me all the time. Rather than react, as I used to, I take the minutes I need to process, judge, and then either react or not. Sobriety is the only thing that has gotten me to this point.
10 days is fantastic, keep going, and stop looking at the awesome fake lives of others. I promise you their lives are not roses and sunshine all the time. They just don't post the crap parts.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by JoeyG1000 
But it makes me feel resentful and sad.
Can anyone relate?
Can anyone relate?
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Life isn't fair. Thank goodness I have alcoholism and not something else that isn't treatable.
I wrote an angry "I hate you, alcohol!" letter once and burned it. I am free of my resentment towards myself now. I have alcoholism and I treat it daily and I stay stopped. I had enough.
Give time time. Maybe you'll feel differently about it.
I wrote an angry "I hate you, alcohol!" letter once and burned it. I am free of my resentment towards myself now. I have alcoholism and I treat it daily and I stay stopped. I had enough.
Give time time. Maybe you'll feel differently about it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Congratulations on your sobriety.
I felt very sorry for myself when I stopped drinking, but when you see the improvements in your life, it's easy to let that go. Try to keep the focus on your recovery and you will be fine.
I felt very sorry for myself when I stopped drinking, but when you see the improvements in your life, it's easy to let that go. Try to keep the focus on your recovery and you will be fine.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Cypress
Posts: 56
Fb makes me feel that way some times. It's hard to see people out and to know that I can't do that. It is important to remember that people only post their best on Fb. No one posts the boring or terrible parts of their life. All of those people probably have their own challenges, but they aren't showing them.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Life was never meant to be fair and the people living it are not meant to have whatever they want. It is a harsh lesson to learn but we all have to realize it so we can teach the same lesson to our kids.
Resentments against non alcoholic drinkers are common and I bet most us have cursed out a friend or two under our breath while they guzzle our favorite ale in front of us. But you aren't meant to live with resentments and allow them to interfere with your life in recovery. It will leave you bitter. And that resentment left unresolved could cost you your sobriety. Do you really want to start over at day 1 again because your buddy can drink and you can't? Your buddy is not an alcoholic. But you are. And you know you can't pick up without risking everything.
You need help with these resentments. I hope you can find some.
Resentments against non alcoholic drinkers are common and I bet most us have cursed out a friend or two under our breath while they guzzle our favorite ale in front of us. But you aren't meant to live with resentments and allow them to interfere with your life in recovery. It will leave you bitter. And that resentment left unresolved could cost you your sobriety. Do you really want to start over at day 1 again because your buddy can drink and you can't? Your buddy is not an alcoholic. But you are. And you know you can't pick up without risking everything.
You need help with these resentments. I hope you can find some.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lodi, CA
Posts: 80
I do need help with these resentments. I normally would bottle it in and that wouldn't end well. Expressing my feelings on here is what I chose to do instead of keeping it in. I also discussed it at AA today. I do not want to go back to day 1. I think by discussing my feelings and reading other people's responses is very helpful. I'm going to get a sponsor very soon and bought the big book.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
It may help if you get a copy of Allen Carr's book "The Easy Way to Control Alcohol". While it is not, in my opinion, a step-by-step set of directions on how to quit drinking; it does a pretty good job of convincing you that you are not loosing anything by quitting drinking; rather, you are gaining freedom. The book is available on Kindle, it is an easy read, and really helps one get over the feelings of deprivation. Worth a try at any rate!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by JoeyG1000
I'm currently staying with family for now, I outlined my situation in a post called "my latest mess" yesterday. I'm ten days sober right now.
What's on my mind right now is I see my friends post on fb pictures of themselves at bars. These are close friends, not drinking buddies, who are supportive of me but aren't alcoholics. I also think of my estranged sister, who is an alcoholic, probably enjoying the fact that I'm down and out because of my drinking. It makes me bitter. I resent that they can drink and not destroy their lives. I resent my sister who only gets by because her husband is well off and enables her. I don't know why I feel this; it's not their fault they aren't alcoholics and I shouldn't care what my sister thinks. But it makes me feel resentful and sad.
Can anyone relate? I'm ten days sober and am working to keep it up. Figured it'd be better to share my feelings here then let it get the best of me.
What's on my mind right now is I see my friends post on fb pictures of themselves at bars. These are close friends, not drinking buddies, who are supportive of me but aren't alcoholics. I also think of my estranged sister, who is an alcoholic, probably enjoying the fact that I'm down and out because of my drinking. It makes me bitter. I resent that they can drink and not destroy their lives. I resent my sister who only gets by because her husband is well off and enables her. I don't know why I feel this; it's not their fault they aren't alcoholics and I shouldn't care what my sister thinks. But it makes me feel resentful and sad.
Can anyone relate? I'm ten days sober and am working to keep it up. Figured it'd be better to share my feelings here then let it get the best of me.
This pisses my girlfriend off when I tell her this, so possible you won't like it...
Think about this for a second:
"Between the stimulus and the reaction there is......a space. In that space lies.....the freedom to choose" Vikor Frankl
In reality, nobody can make you feel anything. It's your reaction to the outside events that are making you feel that way.
This should be good news as it means you are in control. For some people this takes a big paradigm shift.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSRYCc7ApHc
Stephen Covey's first habit from the 7 habits of highly effective people is:
BE PROACTIVE
The majority are people are reactive and therefor are easily irritated, easily manipulated and quick to stress and anger.
You always have a choice. Try to choose a different reaction.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Hi Joey
I think a lot of us experienced that resentment., I think it's largel;y fear based tho - the only way I knew to live was a drinkier - I didn;t want to change - but I had to.
Once I accepted that I really started moving forward.
In a few months I loved my sober life and my sober self so much I wasn't resentful of anyone anymore.
Do you have a plan to help you stay sober this time?
D
I think a lot of us experienced that resentment., I think it's largel;y fear based tho - the only way I knew to live was a drinkier - I didn;t want to change - but I had to.
Once I accepted that I really started moving forward.
In a few months I loved my sober life and my sober self so much I wasn't resentful of anyone anymore.
Do you have a plan to help you stay sober this time?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lodi, CA
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Nalanda
Hi,
This pisses my girlfriend off when I tell her this, so possible you won't like it...
Think about this for a second:
"Between the stimulus and the reaction there is......a space. In that space lies.....the freedom to choose" Vikor Frankl
In reality, nobody can make you feel anything. It's your reaction to the outside events that are making you feel that way.
This should be good news as it means you are in control. For some people this takes a big paradigm shift.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSRYCc7ApHc
Stephen Covey's first habit from the 7 habits of highly effective people is:
BE PROACTIVE
The majority are people are reactive and therefor are easily irritated, easily manipulated and quick to stress and anger.
You always have a choice. Try to choose a different reaction.
This pisses my girlfriend off when I tell her this, so possible you won't like it...
Think about this for a second:
"Between the stimulus and the reaction there is......a space. In that space lies.....the freedom to choose" Vikor Frankl
In reality, nobody can make you feel anything. It's your reaction to the outside events that are making you feel that way.
This should be good news as it means you are in control. For some people this takes a big paradigm shift.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSRYCc7ApHc
Stephen Covey's first habit from the 7 habits of highly effective people is:
BE PROACTIVE
The majority are people are reactive and therefor are easily irritated, easily manipulated and quick to stress and anger.
You always have a choice. Try to choose a different reaction.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
It helped me to let go of my resentment when I looked at alcoholism as an affliction I had that meant I could not drink. It then became something I had to deal with. As someone else said here, thank goodness it is treatable.
But more recently I have looked upon it as a kind of blessing. I now know that alcohol is a poison to my system and I have freed my body of that poison. After several months of being alcohol-free, I am far fitter and stronger than I was before. I run races with people with whom I used to run and they are amazed at how much faster I am now... she's on drugs, my brother-in-law jokes, as I outrun him. The joke is that it is just the opposite: I am free of the drug.
It's not just health and fitness. I am more productive and happier in my job. Get in earlier, in a better mood, and able to work more efficiently.
I see those people on FB, drinking and enjoying themselves. That's their choice but I wish that society did not condone alcohol as much as we do. There is a place beyond alcohol where life is SO MUCH better.
But more recently I have looked upon it as a kind of blessing. I now know that alcohol is a poison to my system and I have freed my body of that poison. After several months of being alcohol-free, I am far fitter and stronger than I was before. I run races with people with whom I used to run and they are amazed at how much faster I am now... she's on drugs, my brother-in-law jokes, as I outrun him. The joke is that it is just the opposite: I am free of the drug.
It's not just health and fitness. I am more productive and happier in my job. Get in earlier, in a better mood, and able to work more efficiently.
I see those people on FB, drinking and enjoying themselves. That's their choice but I wish that society did not condone alcohol as much as we do. There is a place beyond alcohol where life is SO MUCH better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Irnldy001
I also remember that things like Facebook and Instagram are false narratives of just the 'best part' of people's lives. No one posts things that aren't somehow fabulous and best versions of themselves. Try telling yourself that ten minutes after the photo was taken, they had an awkward silence and no one knew what to talk about next!
I'm certainly a little irritated this weekend, myself, seeing all my friends checking in at the bars last night and tonight. Posting pics of them smiling with that cocktail in their hand. Especially since this is my first weekend of sobriety since I committed to quitting for good. I almost set a "quit date" for myself starting next Monday, too. But I knew I couldn't. I knew I would totally BLOW OUT this weekend if I knew it was my last hurrah.
What they WON'T be posting about is how they feel tomorrow afternoon when they finally wake up. The fun tonight and this weekend will be short-lived and largely pointless. Meanwhile, I'm having an incredible weekend being productive, spending tons of quality time with my fiancee and the dogs, and able to be present, alert, and enjoying every minute of it.
Definitely worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser
Try to chose a mindset of abundance over a mindset of scarcity. MissPerfumado is dead right here. You *get* to be sober, it truly is a blessing!
Lots for me to think about...
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