Notices

My latest mess

Old 09-02-2016, 09:32 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Lodi, CA
Posts: 80
My latest mess

I've been at my worst drinking the past year. I've had a month here, two weeks there of sobriety, but I've also had some of my worst benders yet.

So 2 weeks ago I'm hung over as hell at my job bartending. I have a couple drinks at work to take the edge off, which led to too many. My boss sends me home because I'm drunk. I was scheduled off the two days after that anyway so I go on a full blown bender, drinking all day from morning until night. Wednesday my boss fires me. I have a moment of clarity and call my family crying, saying I need help. I was looking for an inpatient program. Since my insurance sucks, we decide I should enter the salvation army adult rehab program, since it's free. I get my affairs in order and on Monday I went.

Things got worse there. First of all, I take klonopin for anxiety (not good I know, but I never took more than I needed) and I can't bring that in. My doctor gives me vistaril to help with the withdrawals. In the program I was stolen from, threatened, there were no classes on addiction (only bible classes), and when I complained of withdrawals from klonopin I was told to pray. It was terrifying so I left. My family was disappointed. Today I looked for new jobs (that are not bartending or near booze), went back to aa, and am seeing my doctor about Antabuse.

Terrible few weeks, but I am 9 days sober and do have a plan to stay this way. I believe things will only get better from here. I'm actually going to work the program this time.
JoeyG1000 is offline  
Old 09-02-2016, 09:48 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Sobriety is Traditional
 
Coldfusion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,034
Hi Joey! Welcome back!

I believe things will get better for you if you don't drink and go to meetings. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Coldfusion is offline  
Old 09-02-2016, 10:10 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,642
//In the program I was stolen from, threatened, there were no classes on addiction (only bible classes), and when I complained of withdrawals from klonopin I was told to pray. It was terrifying so I left. My family was disappointed. Today I looked for new jobs (that are not bartending or near booze), went back to aa, and am seeing my doctor about Antabuse. //

Considering that alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, I am saddened at by the stupidity of the Salvation Army. I'm glad you're still with us. Hang in there.
ThatWasTheOldMe is offline  
Old 09-02-2016, 10:42 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Do your best
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome back Joey & congrats on day 9
Soberwolf is offline  
Old 09-02-2016, 11:38 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
 
Lightning Bug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Originally Posted by JoeyG1000 View Post
I'm actually going to work the program this time.
I would manage to string together clean time and believe that I was sober because I wasn't using. Stopping was easy. But even sober I kept failing at real recovery because I was not working a program at all. White knuckling is a good description because I wasn't living life I was just getting through the day like a starving zombie chained to a wall desperately clawing at the air for food.

I knew all about the various structured recovery programs. I tirelessly combed through all the literature until I mastered the concepts. While knowledge is power, it is also worthless when you don't apply that knowledge and actually do the work. Passive recovery is not real recovery and I just didn't get that.

Then I went to rehab and threw myself into the treatment program. Instead of just reading about it I was doing it. I learned to take control of myself. I participated in all my therapy instead of telling the counselor what they wanted to hear. I opened up in group and spoke the ugly truth that I was a master of hiding. Instead of being self-absorbed with my baggage I frequently set it aside to be a source of help to the people around me.

I found real recovery for the first time at rehab and even though I had a rough time letting go of the safety of inpatient, I brought my recovery home with me and continued to work my plan daily. I tried many approaches for structured programs, but I found that my plan needed to be custom tailored to me. So I took what I needed from all the programs and designed a plan that worked for me. I added meditation, DBT, psychotherapy, vitamin therapy, blogging, and online forums to my menu. I went to AA and Smart Recovery and while I decided not to exclusively join either, I added pieces of their programs to my goodie bag of resources.

I am only one person and can speak only of my experience. I believe that recovery is personal journey and what works for me won't necessarily work for another. But there is one truth that I hold dear and I will preach about it until I die. You can get sober by just stopping the drink, but to achieve and maintain real recovery you have to make a plan and work it hard. Passive recovery is an illusion that plays tricks on a fragile mind. Action based recovery is real and when you find yourself living it you are going to want to grab it tight and never let it go.

I'm proud of you for making the decision to work a program. Remember it is personal and there are many structured options available. All the programs offer amazing support, but I don't believe that one is better than another. The best program available is the one you find success in.

Lightning Bug is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:32 AM.