Relapse😣
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Relapse😣
Hello,
I had a relapse right around the time I was 5 months. I am ashamed and dealing with major anxiety, guilt, and OCD about it. Some of the time during my sober months was somewhat forced. My mind played a trick that I was really ok and that the situation had healed itself. Huge mistake on my part. This thing is progressive, the bottom just keeps getting lower until all is lost including life itself. My relapse, in just a few days, landed me with multiple blackouts, angry friends and family, a stolen purse, phone, and medication during one of those blackouts, and a horrible racing OCD mind about what could have happened while I was in blackout and missing medication (it was in the stolen purse) to quell my realing mind. Whew! Not worth it people!!!
So what can I do now? Not keep drinking!!! The desire to obliterate my thoughts is tempting, but the wrong answer. Honesty with my sponsor, daily meetings, prayer, doing the next right thing even when I don't want to, posting on this site, reading recovery material, joining the Sept group, healthy eating, honesty with my therapist, exercise, admitting my powerlessness over alcohol, admitting I can't drink again that way of life is over. Any other suggestions? The Ocd over blackout possibilities is killing me!!
Lilly
I had a relapse right around the time I was 5 months. I am ashamed and dealing with major anxiety, guilt, and OCD about it. Some of the time during my sober months was somewhat forced. My mind played a trick that I was really ok and that the situation had healed itself. Huge mistake on my part. This thing is progressive, the bottom just keeps getting lower until all is lost including life itself. My relapse, in just a few days, landed me with multiple blackouts, angry friends and family, a stolen purse, phone, and medication during one of those blackouts, and a horrible racing OCD mind about what could have happened while I was in blackout and missing medication (it was in the stolen purse) to quell my realing mind. Whew! Not worth it people!!!
So what can I do now? Not keep drinking!!! The desire to obliterate my thoughts is tempting, but the wrong answer. Honesty with my sponsor, daily meetings, prayer, doing the next right thing even when I don't want to, posting on this site, reading recovery material, joining the Sept group, healthy eating, honesty with my therapist, exercise, admitting my powerlessness over alcohol, admitting I can't drink again that way of life is over. Any other suggestions? The Ocd over blackout possibilities is killing me!!
Lilly
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
Originally Posted by LostLilly 
Honesty with my sponsor, daily meetings, prayer, doing the next right thing even when I don't want to, posting on this site, reading recovery material, joining the Sept group, healthy eating, honesty with my therapist, exercise, admitting my powerlessness over alcohol
Lilly
Lilly
it reminds me of this from the book
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. p89 Big Book. Chapter 7 Working with others.
They knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober. p159 Big Book.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Draw a line under it Lilly, we can't change the past, but only write the future.
Take some great comfort from your 5 months, that is a large chunk of Sober time and so you were definitly doing many things right, so tweak and change a few things up and you'll get there.
Go at things again, you can do this!!
Take some great comfort from your 5 months, that is a large chunk of Sober time and so you were definitly doing many things right, so tweak and change a few things up and you'll get there.
Go at things again, you can do this!!
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
You are still alive and here so forget the blackout. No good beating yourself up. It's done. Going for 5 months was very good. I am now four months sober and really not enjoying it. Perhaps there will be rewards in future.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4
I agree with other folks who have posted here....just keep focused on the future, using all of the ideas you mentioned. I too used to drink to blackout, and worry like crazy about what I said or did. I too am powerless over alcohol, and needed to completely stop. Once I did, my life improved 100%. I used to drink to take the edge off social anxiety. Now I accept me for me -- which is a pretty cool thing. I pray that you can do the same and for your health and happiness. Sending you my best wishes for a brighter tomorrow!
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