Nalanda

....dealing with anxiety in a passive way...

Which is simply when a problem, however big or small or exaggerated, presents itself, we don't do anything about it.

It's in the mind just sitting there. Perhaps it's starts pacing.

The simple solution is to take action. Taking action requires courage. Courage was aptly defined in a famous movie as "do the right thing"..

Right action can be defined as : taking the correct action that will bring us closer to our goals and to be person we wish to be DESPITE what our emotions are screaming at us.

Now, anxiety and confidence are said to be the two extremes of the same emotional spectrum. Every time we perform courage we are adding units to the confidence side. Topping it up.

But an important factor to consider is whether the problem or issue is inside or outside our boundary. Or inside or outside our influence of control.

True suffering is burning energy on what we don't control. Burning energy on what we don't control.

So the first question to ask is whether the issue is inside your influence of control. If it is outside your influence of control sometimes the best action to take is to simply let it go. "I'm burning energy on something that I don't control. That is suffering. Why am I suffering for the uncontrollable" Walk away.

If it's inside your influence of control performing courage to be able to perform right action moves you towards confidence........

......doing nothing.....in other words .....dealing with anxiety in a passive manner.......is the root of many addictions....

Nalanda

This is where MEDITATION is highly effective........a form of meditation is called mindfulness .........which is being........mindful........of the breath....because our breath is fundamentally always in the present moment.....

There are three ways we can spend time: Past , Present, Future

While you are in the past or future, you are essentially on autopilot........have you ever driven to work and you know the route so well that your mind drifted to a future or past event and you arrived at your job but have no recollection of the journey? autopilot.

When you are in the present you are in control. Mindfulness keeps us present..........with mindfulness we have observing ego...

Several thing that can only be done in the present:
Making decisions
(you cannot make decisions in the past.......about the girl who broke up with you, or with whom you made mistakes, or the job you lost, neither can you make decisions for a future that's not yet arrived)
Take Action (only in present
Using your five senses
you can only have intimacy with someone in the present (by the way to have a true connection, two people need to be in the present with each other............or else later it will all seem like a dream)

Mindfulness can act as an "outside eye" observing you....

Gottalife

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

Works for me

Nalanda

There are five distractions to meditation..........and in fact, while mindfulness is concentrating on the breath/staying in the present moment, the mind obviously becomes distracted, meditation is cultivating your mind to also deal with these distractions...

So we cultivate the mind:
Present moment concentration (the time frame we are fully alive/can make decisions)
Deal with distractions (distractions want to take you away into autopilot mode)

The Five Distractions:
1. Sensory desire
The type of WANTING that seeks for happiness through the five senses of sight, sound, smell, taste and physical feeling (alcohol/drugs, sex, food fall into this category)

2. Ill Will
All kinds of thought related to wanting to reject, feelings of hostility, resentment, hatred and bitterness.

3. Sloth-Torpor
Heaviness of body and dullness of mind which drag one down into disabling inertia and thick depression

4. Restlessness
Worry, the inability to calm the mind

5. Doubt
Lack of conviction or trust (in your practice, in your sobriety)

Dealing with Distractions
1. Recognize it and name it
"Hello, bit of a sensory desire coming in there" (you don't have to BE the distraction)

2. Be gentle with yourself
"that's ok, I'm learning a new skill" (think of training the mind as training a dolphin. You wouldn't critizise or scold a dolphin, would you?

3. Bring your mind back to your breath and count your breath
bring yourself back to the present.

The worst we could do with the thought would be either to
1. Grasp it (hello obsession)
2. Aversion (you can run but you can't hide)

Acknowledge, but give it no power......

They say the benefit from meditation is what we can achieve OFF the mat..

Nalanda

Decisions are the definition of life. All living creatures have the ability to make decisions.....

Even trees and plants, in a crude, biochemical manner make decisions. A rock cannot make a decision because it's dead. An inability to make decisions and essentially you are dead.

All decisions that we have made have been constructive or destructive. But the fact that we made the decisions has led to psychological growth. (We learn from mistakes, from trials etc)

While making decisions either constructive or destructive leads to psychological growth........making NO DECISIONS leads to what's know as PSYCHOLOGICAL ATROPHY.....

This is the path to MENTAL ILLNESS
-depression
-regression
-further decline
-and yes ADDICTION

Making no decision...........passive about anxiety.....

Examples:
bad relationship.........you do nothing
what to do with life......you do nothing...
failing health..........you do nothing....
bills coming in........you ignore them...


Observing ego (present moment time frame) and Decisions combined

Observing ego is the only skill which allows change, growth and the first step in solving a problem in personal life or business

Observing ego/mindfulness ....."me" watching me.

An example of observing ego/mindfulness

In a verbal argument with somebody you use observing ego and "step outside yourself" and look back and say....."damn, I'm really angry right now", The observing ego asks "is this getting anywhere?" "no, it's not really getting anywhere so why don't I quit" So you do and the fight ends. Taking control of your life and steering it elsewhere ON PURPOSE (you could say that is being PROACTIVE)

......if there was no observing ego......the fight would control you instead of you controlling it......(you could say that would be REACTIONARY)......and what happens when you allow that to happen?

you end up reacting to everything in been blown about like a leaf in the wind and eventually with the life nobody wanted..

Soberwolf

Thanks Nalanda

hpdw

What book is this from its very interesting . Ive tried Echart Toles stuff its not easy but interesting .

Nalanda

Thomas,

It's not from a book

The meditation and distractions to meditation I got from a meditation course that I did. The distractions to meditation can be found with a google search.

The rest is from a seminar of a well known psychiatrist who talks about character development, relationship theory, time management and grief amongst other things.

Actually, I think he did briefly mention Eckhart Tolle by saying his book could be summed up as "Live in the present moment"

He speaks of developing mature personal boundaries and one person he does mention is Robert Bly whose book Iron John, a book about masculinity, I'd highly recommend. Iron John mentions addictions too as "falling into ashes" and coming out of the ashes can be a time of tremendous personal growth. I'd strongly recommend it to any man who may just find that a loss of a sense of true masculinity was a big reason for their descent into ashes. A big reason for the sense of grief and alienation.
Notes on Iron John by Robert Bly - Max Mednik

hpdw

I am now seeing that " The truth shall set you free " . If I can see past all the noise and rubbish that goes on in my mind and see myself as perfect whole and complete . I can if I quiet my mind look deeply within and see myself as pure and hold it there even for a few seconds . Its hard to keep it there but its a wonderful feeling of joy and peace .

Nalanda

I like that man. You already know it's there and it's within your reach.

The last few days I've been listening a lot, like three hours per day, to Jack Kornfield and ironically the last hour/cd that I've listened to (The Bodhisattva Path) touches on what your after writing.

He talks of needing to get back in touch with the mystery and wonder of life. An almost innocence and awe that we once had as children.