tate9685

My 21 year old daughter just moved back into my home Friday with her 2 boys ages 2 and 11 months. She is obsessesd with and in a toxic relationship with the 11 month olds father. She had called him to come over and talk and argued with him. He wanted her to get out of his car and she wouldn't so instead of pointing his gun at her.....he physically tried to remove her and she screamed and I woke up and ran outside. She wouldn't get out of his car so I called the police and they told him not to come back and I told the police that she needs help and has 2 sleeping babies inside and I couldn't live like this either and wanted her out. She has no where to go but public housing. She is unemployed and unemployable in a lot of places because she has a shoplifting charge on her record. Needless to say she is not focused on her kids and makes terrible choices. I just want a stable environment for them and me. MISERABLE and 20 days sober today.

Dee74

I'm really sorry Tate. I'm really glad you're sober tho.

D

Soberwolf

were here for you Tate x

GnikNus

That sounds like a heavy load to deal with. Remain sober- it would be infinitely harder to deal with of you were drinking. I hope you, your daughter and your grandchildren make it through OK.

FreeOwl

That's awful. I'm glad you were sober for it..... if I were you, I would strongly consider filing a PPO on that guy. If your daughter won't do it, you could do it yourself on the basis that he's engaged in threatening behavior in your presence and at your residence.

tate9685

Thank you everyone. The only good thing is my sobriety. I put a call in to a couple of AA friends to get some advice too. My daughter thrives in chaos and will not let go of people and a lot of that is due to her growing up with my binge drinking. It's a sad cycle. My mom was/is mentally ill bi polar and personality disorder. I grew up with that and became depressed and developed an anxiety disorder, and then began drinking to deal with it, and then married a man just like my mother, and then had my daughter so this is where were at now she has two kids who are going to suffer if I don't do the right thing and I just don't know what to do.I know not to drink I don't know that's the right thing for now thank you guys for your support

tate9685

Also, the police didn't charge him w anything because she was in the wrong for not getting out of his car when he asked her to. He tried to pull her out by her arm so no assault charge. They just told him to leave and not come back.

Anna

Tate, that sounds like a very difficult situation. I'm very glad you're sober. I think the little children are the most important thing in this situation. They deserve a sober and stable person to care for them. It sounds like you are willing to do what you can to help. I hope that your daughter seeks help for her issues.

Optimini

I am so sorry for your situation Tate, you sound like a strong person. I really hope there's a positive outcome to this.

tate9685

Well my daughter said she will not go to therapy to get help for her issues and if she has to she would move out of the house and let me keep the boys. I don't even know how that would work but I would like her to just stay home so I don't know if I can force her

january161992

prayers

Anna

I'm so sorry. This must be such a difficult situation. Are you able to care for the children yourself if she leaves?

tate9685

I work full-time so I'm not sure how I would have to have daycare for the boys. I could barely do it in my early 30s when I had Olivia and I would have to miss work when she got sick I don't know how I would do it.I talked to my friend who's a therapist and she said that I need to tell my daughter that she either gets help or has to move out. My dad disagrees. I don't know what the right thing to do is but I think the therapist would know better than my dad who's also been an enabler most of his life.

january161992

i saw a therapist/ shrink/ counselor for a while last year after my sister got married and then a few months later widowed

i was really pissed at God

helped me

PurpleKnight

So sorry you had to go through that . . . 20 Days though is fantastic!!

tate9685

Made it through the day without drinking. I purposely stayed late at work and then took a long walk when I got home and worked up a cleansing sweat and felt much better. My daughter cleaned the house and we talked. She said what she did by calling her x and arguing and then not getting out of his car was stupid and she would try to focus on herself and her babies now. We shall see. She is a good mom when she is not distracted by men and she loves the boys very much. Ahhhh just took a long shower and laying down for the night. I wouldn't have made it without all of you tonight. Thank you all so very much. Group Hug.

Soberwolf

uncorked

What a challenging situation you are in. I'm impressed that you're handling this sober. As Anna said, the most important thing here are those two innocent babies. They (and you) don't need all this drama in their little lives. I hope your daughter is committed to counseling and mothering her sons. Maybe family counseling would be a good idea, too.