Piggin

I've tried giving up drinking numerous times over the years. Everytime I did I told friends and family. Every time I have friends and family tell me to "just have a few", "just drink socially", "don't drink alone".

Recently I've been having some health problems with my stomach and bowels. I decided it was time to tell my family that I seriously had a problem and ask for their support to stop drinking. I wrote them a letter and sent it off.

A few days later I had my father call me and he suggested that I simply "don't drink alone" and that I could still drink socially. I've also had a few friends "suggest" to me that they think I should cut down, not cut it out altogether.

Why can't people just be supportive of my decision?

If I was smoking cigarettes they wouldn't be saying these things to me.

I want to scream at them to f. off, but I don't because I know they do care for me. But I don't understand why they don't get it.

Does anyone get this?

JamesSquire

Been there, sometimes it's to justify their addiction but others mostly they don't understand alcoholism (being addicted to a drug)

Dee74

People don't understand that alcoholism is not about 'knowing when you've had enough'.

My friends wanted me to drink for other reasons - a lot of my friendships were built on that shared vice.

It would be nice if family and friends gave us the support we want, but thats often not the case...it's ok tho cos I believe the best support comes from alcoholics and addicts in recovery - places like here, or AA or SMART etc - and that's open to everyone who wants to go and look for it Piggin

D

Bubovski

I really see the social idea about "sane drinking" as something of a furphy.
At it's worst alcohol is abhorent and it's 'best' highly over rated

Pieman

Like a lot of others on here I wish I could drink socially or just have a few, but I now know that I am wired different and having a half or just the one..... is the door open to 5, 10 drinks, days or months.
Once I have one I might as well write off any recovery plans, because they are pissed up a wall.

kittycat3

Some people just don't get addiction. I have to remind myself of that fairly often.

Sorry to hear that "some people" also includes your family, but we all have our weaknesses. You can still be sober and let their opinions be. (Even if they are wrong, lol)

You got this

Berrybean

Normies just can't get it. To be honest, even WE struggle to get it for a good long while. And there are plenty of health care professionals who still harp on about moderation and the like. They don't get that it's the first one that does the damage, because that's the one the leads to the rest. (They are not at fault, they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping it - teehee).

I also had plenty of heavy drinker friends, who were like crabs in a basket, trying to scupper my escape by clawing me back in. A couple of them even told me all about their sabotage attempts (like I hadn't noticed!!) A few months down the line.

In the end, being sober was turning into such a lonely and confusing business that I decided to go to AA. It took a long time to get through the door of my first meeting as I was so nervous that I walked a good half hours walk to a few, only to just keep walking. But now I'm so, so glad I made it there. This forum, and the rooms of AA is where I find people who understand me. Understand that I cannot take that first drink. And understand the alcoholic thinking that makes life so difficult when left unchecked. I don't know what I'd have done if I hadn't found my clan. (Well, got drunk or gone crazy is my guess.)

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. Find your clan and stick with them.

Nonsensical

I support your decision.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Ooona

Yes you're going to have those types of people and I can remember in the past actually telling certain people because I knew what kind of response I would get from them. They actually helped to create and give me some of my best rationalizations to continue drinking.
Nowadays, I dont and havent spoken to about my choice to be sober with anyone other then my sponsor, my husband, people here and in AA meetings. No one in my family or other friends know, nor do they need to. These days I am sharing only with those that not only will support but will actually call me out if they see me slipping.
Wishing you only the best of blessings!

Bruno1979

The problem is that 1 is too many and 15 is not enough. It's as simple as that.

Gottalife

I support your decision too. There is a world of ignorance out there about alcoholism. People tend to compare to their own experience. If they can control their drinking, they think you should be able to as well.

In the same way, some problem drinkers can stop or moderate just by deciding to. Good for them, but they have a hard time understanding that the alcoholic of my type simply lacks the power to do that, even with the best will in the world.

Thankfully there are organisations and professionals who are better informed. You will find quite a few mentioned here and they may be the best places to solve this particular problem.

WhiskeyBent

I relate to this. Lots of friendships were built on that shared vice. Good people that probably have no idea that im stopping and they have no intention to stop. Then all of a sudden Im going to drop off the face of the earth because im not drinking anymore. It might have been a shared vice but they was lots of other nice things that were shared too. Kinda makes me sad. BUT..........Its that like someone else said in here one drink was the door opening and three days later I was still drinking . But I am missing my friends.

I hope your family flips the switch and starts to be more supportive. I feel like we are going to have to walk the same road a bit, because booze is seriously intertwined in most social interactions where im from. I will have to navigate a new path.

cwood3

Piggin, sobriety is really about you and your higher power. You two will form a bond and work together to stay sober. Others may or may not understand, and that's normal. If tighten up your bond with your higher power, others will become less noticeable and influential. You might try to find one person that understands your journey to sobriety, someone you can talk to face to face. For an alcoholic, sobriety takes courage and hard work, it just does. But the reward is right there...right there, way within reach. Reach for it.

Tonymblue

Happens to me all the time. People don't understand alcoholism. I don't understand gambling. I have a friend with a serious gambling addiction. Makes no sense to me but its as real as our addiction. I tell my friends to watch the Dick Cavett interview of Richard Burton on alcoholism. He sums up alcoholism in 5 minutes. They say it gives them some good insight.

Carpathia

I've heard two different scenarios regarding friends and family of alcoholics: either they insist the alcoholic doesn't have a problem and they simply don't "get it", or they go in the opposite direction and try controlling everything for the alcoholic and the alcoholic's environment.

Forward12

It is frustrating when you open yourself up to family and friends about your alcoholism, and find they show little support, or the "ah just brush it off" attitude. People who haven't personally battled with alcoholism truly don't understand the hell it is.

Anna

You can make the choice to not listen to your family/friends, or to not tell them of your intention.

You know what is right for you.