What kind of AA Meeting to Attend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 42
What kind of AA Meeting to Attend
Hi all! Checking in 19 days sober! I've been putting off attending a meeting, which I think I should at least try out. The one that I had all picked out meets Monday nights, I couldn't go last week because of an event... and now I really want to get tickets to the evening session of the US Open tomorrow (Phil Collins is opening!) but I have people in my life that are counting on me to go to this meeting. So I started fishing around for meetings that are going on today, that I can still possibly go to the Open and not have people thinking I'm making excuses or being disappointed in me.
None of the meeting times/locations are ideal near me for a Sunday, and I also don't live in a great area. That's why I had picked a specific one out that meets on Mondays. I know that I want an "open" meeting as my first, as I'd really want my husband to go with me. One that I found that meets this afternoon is listed as "beginner". Which, I mean, sounds appropriate since it would be my first meeting... but what does that all entail? Am I going to be put on the spot? I feel like I'd rather listen and feel out the situation before sharing my own story right out the gate. Also it's not specified whether or not it's open or closed. Would it be inappropriate to bring a non-alcoholic for support? I can't call a support line to ask because they're not open on Sundays (I know, why didn't I think of this earlier? But up until the morning, I hadn't been as determined to go the Open... my anxiety is lightening up a bit and, shockingly, I've been wanting to get out and do fun things... weird, right?
)
Any tips or break down of the types of meetings I should look for would be much appreciated. I also don't mind a spiritual meeting, but if it started getting too religious, I think it would make me very uncomfortable. Thanks in advance guys!
None of the meeting times/locations are ideal near me for a Sunday, and I also don't live in a great area. That's why I had picked a specific one out that meets on Mondays. I know that I want an "open" meeting as my first, as I'd really want my husband to go with me. One that I found that meets this afternoon is listed as "beginner". Which, I mean, sounds appropriate since it would be my first meeting... but what does that all entail? Am I going to be put on the spot? I feel like I'd rather listen and feel out the situation before sharing my own story right out the gate. Also it's not specified whether or not it's open or closed. Would it be inappropriate to bring a non-alcoholic for support? I can't call a support line to ask because they're not open on Sundays (I know, why didn't I think of this earlier? But up until the morning, I hadn't been as determined to go the Open... my anxiety is lightening up a bit and, shockingly, I've been wanting to get out and do fun things... weird, right?
)Any tips or break down of the types of meetings I should look for would be much appreciated. I also don't mind a spiritual meeting, but if it started getting too religious, I think it would make me very uncomfortable. Thanks in advance guys!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
To be honest, it won't matter too much which kind of meeting you go to at first. Apart of coyrse from the Open / Closed thing. Beginner meetings tend not to have only beginners anyway (after all, you'd need some people thew who know the program and have enough sobriety to take on various service positions), and all meetings are fine for a beginner. Some meetings have a focus on a specific text (maybe the Big Book, or the 12 and 12, or Living Sober, or Daily Reflections, so they'll read a bit of whatever it is, then discuss what was read in relation to their experiences. I like these meetings as they tend to be very solution focussed, which I need.
Other meetings have a main share, like my home group is. Each week someone is organised to share their experience, strength and hope for about 20 minutes. They tell us what things used to be like, what happened, and what things are like for them now. The room is then opened up for people to share back, either relating to what they heard shared by the main share, or with anything that is on their mind. In share time people do not chime in or comment or ask questions while someone is speaking, or comment on what others have said in their own share (cross sharing). If someone says something you'd like them to tell you more about you can always chat to them in the break or after the meeting.
Some meetings will go round the room for people to share in order of where people are sat, but if you ever are next and don't want to read aloud or speak, it's absolutely fine to say "pass" and the next person on will chime in. In other meetings people just wait for the person speaking to finish then jump in with a name introduction and brief share. You never have to say anything at all if you don't want to.
When you arrive, someone is likely to come over and ask if it's your first time. When you confirm this, they will likely give you some literature (perhaps a starter pack if they have one) including the list of meetings for the area. They should then show you where the tea & coffee is and generally where anything important is, and then you can grab a seat, sit back and listen. At the end there is usually seem kind of group prayer - in the UK usually the serenity prayer, but I believed that elsewhere it is sometimes the Lords Prayer. I used to feel very uncomfortable with that, esp if the group help hands in a circle, but now it feels good to join together as a group at the end of the meeting. After all, people are relying on each other, and sharing some pretty important and personal stuff, so fellowship is important. In my home group, most people are either agnostic or atheists, yet they still make good use of that serenity prayer, both alone outside meetings, and in meetings to signify the end of the session.
God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
There will also be a collection, as every AA meeting is fully self supporting and rent and drinks and literature etc all needs to be paid for. There are no dues or fees, so people just put in what they can afford. However, newcomers are not expected to contribute at their first meeting.
I hope that's a little helpful. Feel free to ask any questions if there is something you want to know that I didn't cover.
Anyway. Good luck getting to your first meeting. Let us know how you get on.
Other meetings have a main share, like my home group is. Each week someone is organised to share their experience, strength and hope for about 20 minutes. They tell us what things used to be like, what happened, and what things are like for them now. The room is then opened up for people to share back, either relating to what they heard shared by the main share, or with anything that is on their mind. In share time people do not chime in or comment or ask questions while someone is speaking, or comment on what others have said in their own share (cross sharing). If someone says something you'd like them to tell you more about you can always chat to them in the break or after the meeting.
Some meetings will go round the room for people to share in order of where people are sat, but if you ever are next and don't want to read aloud or speak, it's absolutely fine to say "pass" and the next person on will chime in. In other meetings people just wait for the person speaking to finish then jump in with a name introduction and brief share. You never have to say anything at all if you don't want to.
When you arrive, someone is likely to come over and ask if it's your first time. When you confirm this, they will likely give you some literature (perhaps a starter pack if they have one) including the list of meetings for the area. They should then show you where the tea & coffee is and generally where anything important is, and then you can grab a seat, sit back and listen. At the end there is usually seem kind of group prayer - in the UK usually the serenity prayer, but I believed that elsewhere it is sometimes the Lords Prayer. I used to feel very uncomfortable with that, esp if the group help hands in a circle, but now it feels good to join together as a group at the end of the meeting. After all, people are relying on each other, and sharing some pretty important and personal stuff, so fellowship is important. In my home group, most people are either agnostic or atheists, yet they still make good use of that serenity prayer, both alone outside meetings, and in meetings to signify the end of the session.
God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
There will also be a collection, as every AA meeting is fully self supporting and rent and drinks and literature etc all needs to be paid for. There are no dues or fees, so people just put in what they can afford. However, newcomers are not expected to contribute at their first meeting.
I hope that's a little helpful. Feel free to ask any questions if there is something you want to know that I didn't cover.
Anyway. Good luck getting to your first meeting. Let us know how you get on.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
AA and the work of getting sober and back on my feet were the priority in my life for quite a while. I was so desperate to escape that hell that I wasn't even concerned about much else. The end of my drinking and that first year sober are pretty much a blur.
Meetings here are mostly the same with a few small differences. To add to that, open meetings are for members and anyone else who chooses to attend, while closed is members only. Beginners meetings in my area are generally closed. Open meetings here are usually a member speaking for about an hour. We also have birthday nights which are open and where people celebrate sobriety anniversaries/birthdays.
As was mentioned, you're not expected to share when you're new unless you want to. If you're asked, you can just introduce yourself if you like, but even that's not necessary. I still do more listening than talking when I go and pass fairly often; if I feel moved to say something then I do.
Personally, I also find it better to go early and leave late. There's more opportunity to get to know people one-on-one that way; as an introvert that's when it's easiest for me to talk to people.
Meetings here are mostly the same with a few small differences. To add to that, open meetings are for members and anyone else who chooses to attend, while closed is members only. Beginners meetings in my area are generally closed. Open meetings here are usually a member speaking for about an hour. We also have birthday nights which are open and where people celebrate sobriety anniversaries/birthdays.
As was mentioned, you're not expected to share when you're new unless you want to. If you're asked, you can just introduce yourself if you like, but even that's not necessary. I still do more listening than talking when I go and pass fairly often; if I feel moved to say something then I do.
Personally, I also find it better to go early and leave late. There's more opportunity to get to know people one-on-one that way; as an introvert that's when it's easiest for me to talk to people.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
The important thing is to just go. I was nervous at my first one, but before that first meeting was over, I already felt like a part of the group. And I am now. You don't have to say or do anything. It's really neat now. I hope you give it a try.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 42
So I went! I was by far the youngest one there, which made me slightly uncomfortable at first. But everyone was so nice and welcoming. I hadn't planned on speaking, but after just a little encouragement, it felt good to let a little of my story out... and to hear a round of applause when I announced my 19 days sober.
All the women (it was mixed) gave me phone numbers and told me to call whenever I felt I might pick up a drink. I really related a lot to one mans story and talked to him a bit after the meeting. He was very encouraging. A lot of the stories people told were rough to hear, but gave a lot of insight.
And great as everyone was, they still all said... try other meetings! They still all encouraged me to keep trying until I find a home group, but they'd be happy if that turned out to be this one.
Very glad I went. Thanks everyone here as well for the encouragement and insight! xo
All the women (it was mixed) gave me phone numbers and told me to call whenever I felt I might pick up a drink. I really related a lot to one mans story and talked to him a bit after the meeting. He was very encouraging. A lot of the stories people told were rough to hear, but gave a lot of insight.
And great as everyone was, they still all said... try other meetings! They still all encouraged me to keep trying until I find a home group, but they'd be happy if that turned out to be this one.
Very glad I went. Thanks everyone here as well for the encouragement and insight! xo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Glad you got to your first meeting. And yes, try lots of meetings. I like to have a variety of them throughout my week. Some are especially important. Sunday I like my reflective, peaceful, general share home-grown meeting as it rounds off the weekend and prepares me for the week ahead. Friday, I really like the 12 and 12 meeting I go to in a neighbouring town because I share a ride (take turns driving) with some of my close AA friends and we get to chat a lot on the journey, and it's a lively, sociable meeting, so it's nice to come home from work, and get changed, and feel like I'm going out, and it makes me feel good and positive for ny weekend ahead (the weekend was my big drinking zone, so I need to keep myself safe then).
There are different ones I can choose from midweek, depending on what I can fit in, and what I need. There have only been a few that I really wasn't so keen on to be honest.
If i need an AA fix and can't get to a meeting, I make use of the AA speaker recordings that can be listened to online or downloaded - I bought a really cheap mp3 player for them so I can listen on my commute as well. Some of them can be pretty entertaining as well as getting my head in the zone. Sandy Beach, Earl Hightower and Clancy are my favourites, but there are loads to try out. ..
5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
Also, the literature can be very helpful. In the start off I found Living Sober and Monkey on my Shoulder really helpful (I got them from amazon for my kindle so I can read them anywhere). Later I added the Big Book and The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions to my little sobriety library. The Big Book and 12 &12 can be read free online, available from the AA website.
When's your next meeting?
Wishing yiu all the best for your recovery. BB
PS. I wouldn't wait til you want to take a drink to contact those ladies. It's worth getting used to reaching out BEFORE you actually need to. That way you're less likely to need to. And more likely to contact them before taking a drink. Even if it's just a text or call to thank them for their help at your first meeting and ask them a question if you have any, or tell them how you're feeling, or what you're doing that day towards your recovery (reading a specific chapter of a book, or going to whatever meeting, or listening to X speaking about fear / step 1 or whatever). I found using people's numbers incredibly difficult at first, but once I became willing to do it and actually contacted people (rather than struggling alone in fear of seeming needy) my sobriety became more healthy and hopeful.
There are different ones I can choose from midweek, depending on what I can fit in, and what I need. There have only been a few that I really wasn't so keen on to be honest.
If i need an AA fix and can't get to a meeting, I make use of the AA speaker recordings that can be listened to online or downloaded - I bought a really cheap mp3 player for them so I can listen on my commute as well. Some of them can be pretty entertaining as well as getting my head in the zone. Sandy Beach, Earl Hightower and Clancy are my favourites, but there are loads to try out. ..
5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
Also, the literature can be very helpful. In the start off I found Living Sober and Monkey on my Shoulder really helpful (I got them from amazon for my kindle so I can read them anywhere). Later I added the Big Book and The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions to my little sobriety library. The Big Book and 12 &12 can be read free online, available from the AA website.
When's your next meeting?
Wishing yiu all the best for your recovery. BB
PS. I wouldn't wait til you want to take a drink to contact those ladies. It's worth getting used to reaching out BEFORE you actually need to. That way you're less likely to need to. And more likely to contact them before taking a drink. Even if it's just a text or call to thank them for their help at your first meeting and ask them a question if you have any, or tell them how you're feeling, or what you're doing that day towards your recovery (reading a specific chapter of a book, or going to whatever meeting, or listening to X speaking about fear / step 1 or whatever). I found using people's numbers incredibly difficult at first, but once I became willing to do it and actually contacted people (rather than struggling alone in fear of seeming needy) my sobriety became more healthy and hopeful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
Alyssa..........you did it! You have it going on. You did something that a major portion of the population would be terrified to do. But you did it. I don't know you, but I can't tell you how happy this makes me feel. I love my meetings. It's really baffling how at ease and welcome the others make you feel....right? You have just opened the tool box that contains the set of tools that has saved the lives of many just like us. A big congratulations to you!!! Woot Woot!!
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