Commitment to a teetotal life: The first year
 

I don't know why I prefer the word teetotal to sober, I just do.

Before the start of this year I quit alcohol and other drugs a couple of days before Christmas, feeling polluted. They were a bad few months before Christmas. Why wait until after New Year's. I made the statement to the gf and she announce to a few people (when we were at a birthday party and some other things) That I quit alcohol for one year. I don't know if I was ready for the commitment of "forever" on one hand, but on the other I was hoping that after a year I would have developed myself and matured into teetotalness that I would not go back.

So there was a little conflict and compromise stemming from not fully accepting that this alcohol thing destroys me and wrecks my life. Still holding onto the belief that I could, if I truly wanted to, moderate. But for what? To "enjoy" this socially accepted drug in little doses. To slowly poison myself just to "fit in".

Allen Carr calls it devastation. The AA says one drink is too much and a thousand never enough. Both right.

Alcohol screws with my emotions and effects my judgement and I make horrendous decisions. That's not going to magically change. It acts as a poison to my brain, like sugar in your engine. It's not going to magically change.

Why not say I'm quitting for life. I'm done. I couldn't go through another relapse or slip or whatever it's called. It was consuming again with the same consequences, maybe worse as I had no tolerance.

If I hade diabetes I would have to take insulin or whatever for the rest of my life. I would just have to do it and accept the new life.

why not the same with alcohol. It's causing problems. It always has so logically it always will. Why not stop taking it for life.

So are you still teetotal from Christmas on? If so very well done.

Alas, no.

This is: Week one.

I lasted two months. Hurt my back. Painkillers. And then.....

Got back on and lasted four months. Spent the day with a drunk "friend", caved at the end.

Result: Depressive episode. Result. Consumed again. Result: negative circumstances, depressive episode.

I'm starting again, but this time I feel like I'm done for life. Rather than quitting for a year, rather than quitting just for now.

I'm done.

But I don't feel this is another one of those "I'm never drinking again" kind of responses. But rather..

I'm done.

And I'm deciding to quit for life and I feel a relief for saying it rather than it feeling like a "just for now" or "just for this year".

Welcome back Nalanda.

Welcome back Nalanda, and good for you for making the decision. It's helpful to commit just for today isn't it? You can do this, and we're here for support :)

Hi Nalanda , Its good your here and posting . I don't know if you have tried AA but they would explain that being sober/teetotal for 24 hours is the way to start building up abstinance 1 day at a time . I personally don't use AA but have done in the past and the 1 day at a time phsycology is very wise .

welcome, Nalanda.
there is huge relief in knowing you're done

so....look around and see the various ways people are implementing that knowledge into concrete action, and you're set!

Hi Nalanda,
I don't do AA myself, but "one day at a time" does seem to work for many folks: it has for me. There's just something about "never again" that - I don't know - puts me in an offensive state of mind: "yeah, we'll see about that!" Or even worse, "hmmm, how can I sneak around THAT rule?"
A civilization wasn't created in one big sweep, and I don't know if sobriety can be either - OR confidence. If you are interested there is a 24 Connectivity thread where we commit to sobriety for 24 hours, and we do this in the company of others. This is a profound experience for me; I can feel the strength and support of the other posters. We are all doing it together.
Welcome to SR. I hope you keep posting :)

It's all relative I suppose.

There are plenty of binge drinkers and problem drinkers who probably don't drink on a daily basis but when they do drink......havoc. Problems with police, relationship problems, health at risk.

Now, they should really quit as alcohol does not suit them. But in their case as they were not daily drinkers I can't see how the "daily reprieve" is relevant to them. Alcoholic by what it does to them or by the quantity that they drink.

I'm thinking of trying it though, to meet others etc even though there's a lot that I don't really agree with. But take the good right

I get what you're saying about the one day. You can only live in the present moment. But I kind of agree with Steven Covey that weekly planning is more optimal.

thats my story since we look/ listen for the similarities and not the differences

i need the daily support hat a Group Of Drunks (GOD) provide

:tyou

Welcome back

Hi Nalanda , it's whatever works best for you . People here will explain what they have experienced in recovery from alcohol addiction . We each and every one of us try to help each other based on our personal experience with either ourself or a loved one . I hope you find the way .

Why not say I'm quitting for life. I'm done. I couldn't go through another relapse or slip or whatever it's called. It was consuming again with the same consequences, maybe worse as I had no tolerance.

If I hade diabetes I would have to take insulin or whatever for the rest of my life. I would just have to do it and accept the new life.

why not the same with alcohol. It's causing problems. It always has so logically it always will. Why not stop taking it for life.[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if a need for insulin is equivalent to ending a drinking problem, but you do mention "slips." I have nearly 90 days. After I detoxed I was so very ill I said "never again" and absolutely meant it. I was very sick for months. And yet I slipped 4 times which taught me that it can possibly happen again. It's a terrifying thought, but it's confounding how we can rationalize doing something harmful even while still feeling the effects of past harms. I suppose I don't feel the level of confidence and resolve that you posses.
Good luck

I'm not sure if a need for insulin is equivalent to ending a drinking
problem, but you do mention "slips." I have nearly 90 days. After I detoxed I was so very ill I said "never again" and absolutely meant it. I was very sick for months. And yet I slipped 4 times which taught me that it can possibly happen again. It's a terrifying thought, but it's confounding how we can rationalize doing something harmful even while still feeling the effects of past harms. I suppose I don't feel the level of confidence and resolve that you posses.

Good luck[/QUOTE]

Thanks.

I know, maybe it's not the same as alcohol is so socially acceptable.

It's just that I've tried the other ways before....one day at a time or just for now and it hasn't exactly worked full time.

And also there are two other factors:

1. I had four or so months and .......the were incredible.....no exaggeration....they were really, really good. I couldn't believe how things went so good so quickly and how I was feeling so good (maybe I took it for granted?)

2. This "slip/relapse has hurt me. I did some really stupid, dumb things and I feel really bad about them. In fact, I looked at myself in the mirror and said "There's something fvcking wrong with you". Which is not too healthy to say to yourself.

I'd just really like to put this to bed.

People do have trouble with the thought "I won't drink for the rest of my life". I get that. I believe that is one of the major reasons an alcoholic, like myself, has trouble being honest with oneself. You really have to be brutally honest before any kind of commitment has any true meaning. I understand the great struggle with that concept, but I'm doing OK.

Hi Nalanda,

I know I'm 'done'. But I approach each day with a plan to go to bed sober - or not wake up with a hangover - same thing.

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired - and I know, finally know that I have broken drinking forever. I will never enjoy a drink again. One will never be enough. What is the point of moderating ? I'm the guy who gets hammered. That's me.

So - clearly - I have no desire to go there - ever.

But for me one day at a time works to ensure that this promise to myself has the maximum chance of being delivered.

Sobriety - being teetotal - has allowed me to live more in the present, and this in turn has brought many benefits in all areas of life.

I want to live a long life, I want to stay fit and healthy, I want to have unbroken sobriety from today until I die.

But. I'm not in control of the 100000 combinations of events that contribute to those wishes.

However, I am largely in control of what happens today - and how I react to things. My objective is to deal with life as it happens without picking up a drink. And then be grateful when I go to bed sober.

Tomorrow is another day.


You are doing a great thing by embracing this journey. I wish you every strength.


Fradley

Welcome, Nalada, well done! In my experience, there's nothing wrong with saying "I'm quitting for life". Absolutely. Some people are more comfortable with "one day at a time" and for others, that seems to leave the door open in a way that isn't helpful. It's whatever works for you. Read around the various sub-forums here ... there is a ton of good info on the various ways people have quit and started building a better life. I wish you the best, and we're here to support you.

Hey Nalanda,
Btw: I prefer "Teetotaler" also.
This has been an interesting thread. I guess I would ask "have you had a drink since your original pre-Christmas resolution?" If not, is this thread a meditation on how recovery is influenced by a consciousness of time or some such? If you have picked up again, I guess I would ask "have you had a drink today?"
I was a problem drinker for 2 yrs. with 1 year working up to that. The rest of my adult life was alcohol free or social 'tippling' in my 20's. I had a strong foundation too, but since one of life's few certainties is transience, well.........sh*t happens :/

Glad you made it back here.

That's a great attitude and you should do well with it. Congrats.