Checking in
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
Checking in
I used to post but have lurked a long time now. It might be time to check in. I started my sobriety journey in March 2014. It wasn’t easy at first. Sometimes the cravings were so strong on the walk home from work that I’d look down at my feet on the sidewalk and count steps out loud “one…two….one….two” until I got safely past the city blocks with a liquor store. My emotions were all over the place, and I often felt like a rubber ball launched into a room with concrete walls – rocketing up, down, sideways and back and forth. I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. If I wasn’t thinking about drinking I was thinking about not drinking. The giddiness of not drinking morphed into an endless vacuum of boredom. I lived on SR and did sobriety until I was sick of doing sobriety, and then I did more sobriety.
Days turned into weeks. It got worse before it got better. My memory got so bad I’d get back to my desk after a meeting at work and couldn’t remember what the meeting was about. One time I dealt with stress by packing a bag and started walking out of the house with a caring spouse watching me through sad, tear brimmed eyes. I turned around and kept on doing sobriety. I did AA step work, I read on SR, I chanted prayers in church, I came up with a Big Plan, I quit seeing some people and going to some places, I even confessed to a priest.
Weeks turned into months. Then one day I walked by the liquor store and didn’t notice. Another day I realized I hadn’t thought about alcohol in a day or two. Months turned into a year. It kept getting better until it didn’t. I had two glasses of wine before calling a friend and heading off to a motley circle of people sitting in the nearest church basement. I put up my hand and together we did more sobriety.
Time ticks on and the work pays off. Somewhere along the way the chaos died. The desire to drink left. Boredom became serenity. I have become a husband, an uncle, a son and a man I can feel proud of being. The heart has a lot of answers if you stop and listen. The quieter I am the more I can hear. I no longer experience soaring emotional highs. I no longer suffer crushing emotional lows. Life is pretty simple now. At the weekends I often go to the airport and sit in the grass by the runway with the ocean breeze on my face while jumbo jets thunder by. It makes me feel happy and a little bit awed. At night when I go to bed, I feel something jump onto the bed and then little feet walking across the bed. It’s Kona, my cat. She sits on my chest and looks into my face with her head resting on my arm. I feel the rumble of her purrs through the blanket. She spends about 5 minutes with me and then hops onto the red chair by the bed where she sleeps for the night. It’s a comforting ritual. I think we both look forward to it. I get to notice things like this now that I’m sober. I want this to last a lifetime.
Days turned into weeks. It got worse before it got better. My memory got so bad I’d get back to my desk after a meeting at work and couldn’t remember what the meeting was about. One time I dealt with stress by packing a bag and started walking out of the house with a caring spouse watching me through sad, tear brimmed eyes. I turned around and kept on doing sobriety. I did AA step work, I read on SR, I chanted prayers in church, I came up with a Big Plan, I quit seeing some people and going to some places, I even confessed to a priest.
Weeks turned into months. Then one day I walked by the liquor store and didn’t notice. Another day I realized I hadn’t thought about alcohol in a day or two. Months turned into a year. It kept getting better until it didn’t. I had two glasses of wine before calling a friend and heading off to a motley circle of people sitting in the nearest church basement. I put up my hand and together we did more sobriety.
Time ticks on and the work pays off. Somewhere along the way the chaos died. The desire to drink left. Boredom became serenity. I have become a husband, an uncle, a son and a man I can feel proud of being. The heart has a lot of answers if you stop and listen. The quieter I am the more I can hear. I no longer experience soaring emotional highs. I no longer suffer crushing emotional lows. Life is pretty simple now. At the weekends I often go to the airport and sit in the grass by the runway with the ocean breeze on my face while jumbo jets thunder by. It makes me feel happy and a little bit awed. At night when I go to bed, I feel something jump onto the bed and then little feet walking across the bed. It’s Kona, my cat. She sits on my chest and looks into my face with her head resting on my arm. I feel the rumble of her purrs through the blanket. She spends about 5 minutes with me and then hops onto the red chair by the bed where she sleeps for the night. It’s a comforting ritual. I think we both look forward to it. I get to notice things like this now that I’m sober. I want this to last a lifetime.
Really nice to read of your success!
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