New Here
Work in Progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boca Raton, FL
Posts: 50
New Here
Hey folks. Totally new to the forum and glad to have found you. What propted me to come here was a post on Cracked.com and a visit to their forums to read about other's experiences.
A little background on me:
My dad was an alcoholic who didn't recover until my own kids were born. His dad was a alcoholic before him. My dad was a very mean drunk when I was growing up, and I always swore I would never turn out like him.
I've always prided myself in the past on "knowing what my limit was," and never crossing that line. I was an occasional drinker for years (2 or 3 times a year), but then my husband got diagnosed with Non-Alcoholic Chirrosis of the Liver with all of it's chronic sysmptoms and suddenly I was drinking every week, and then almost every day.
At first I told myself it was to relieve stress and help myself sleep (I've had ADHD related sleeping problems ever since I was younger). But after a couple years of deluding myself I've come to realization that it's not about getting to sleep or relieving stress anymore.
I've tried to stop drinking several times and have managed a sober month here and there, but I always go back. However this time I feel like I've GOT to stick with it, because my drinking these last few months has escalated such that I've been having blackouts where I don't remember when, where or how I got to bed.
I've never told any of my family before when I was making these attempts in the past, because I was too embarassed (and ashamed) to admit I have a problem. Yesterday I told my son, who is 16, that I was stopping drinking. He got this glad look on his face and hugged me, which made me feel good about my decision. I kind of feel now like I HAVE to make this work so I don't disappoint him. Always before I was just disappointing myself, kwim?
So here I am. I never thought I would turn out like my dad. It's quite a shameful thing for me to admit, let me tell you! :-(
Thanks in advance if you've made it this far in my post.
A little background on me:
My dad was an alcoholic who didn't recover until my own kids were born. His dad was a alcoholic before him. My dad was a very mean drunk when I was growing up, and I always swore I would never turn out like him.
I've always prided myself in the past on "knowing what my limit was," and never crossing that line. I was an occasional drinker for years (2 or 3 times a year), but then my husband got diagnosed with Non-Alcoholic Chirrosis of the Liver with all of it's chronic sysmptoms and suddenly I was drinking every week, and then almost every day.
At first I told myself it was to relieve stress and help myself sleep (I've had ADHD related sleeping problems ever since I was younger). But after a couple years of deluding myself I've come to realization that it's not about getting to sleep or relieving stress anymore.
I've tried to stop drinking several times and have managed a sober month here and there, but I always go back. However this time I feel like I've GOT to stick with it, because my drinking these last few months has escalated such that I've been having blackouts where I don't remember when, where or how I got to bed.
I've never told any of my family before when I was making these attempts in the past, because I was too embarassed (and ashamed) to admit I have a problem. Yesterday I told my son, who is 16, that I was stopping drinking. He got this glad look on his face and hugged me, which made me feel good about my decision. I kind of feel now like I HAVE to make this work so I don't disappoint him. Always before I was just disappointing myself, kwim?
So here I am. I never thought I would turn out like my dad. It's quite a shameful thing for me to admit, let me tell you! :-(
Thanks in advance if you've made it this far in my post.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
I do understand. My mother was an alcoholic and I never would have believed that I would turn out like her. It was so, so tough to accept that I had. But, at least I acknowledged the problem and worked hard to stop hurting people. You can do this and be the person you want to be.
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