Alcohol at YOUR OWN Wedding
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Alcohol at YOUR OWN Wedding
Hi everyone! I wanted to hear everyone's opinions on if you have, are planning, or just have an opinion about having alcohol for guests at your wedding.
I have about a year sober and am in recovery for heroin addiction. I have never had a problem with alcohol but I choose not to drink. My fiancé is in recovery for heroin addiction but he was also an alcoholic and is in recovery for that also.
We are in the very beginnings of starting to look at places, picking what colors and just overall I love looking at different ideas and starting to picture in my head what it will be like (what girl doesn't?). We have decided we want a small intimate wedding with just those close to us. Open bar is out of the question, our wedding isn't going to have that "vibe" - but should I provide wine and some signature drinks for the cocktail and reception? I will not be drinking and my too be husband will not be drinking but none of our guests have an alcohol problem and is it odd to expect them to come to a wedding and not even be offered wine at cocktail hour or at least the sit down dinner? I am 100% Italian and I wonder if my grandparents and close friends and family would expect to at least if nothing else to be offered wine.
I know that it is MY wedding and that we should choose what to do what is best for us, but the wedding would be in the spring of 2018 so we will have been sober and in recovery for 3 years by then and I am just not sure what advice any of you have. I also have considering allowing wine but since me and my too be husband will be at the sweet heart table and neither of us will be drinking or having wine on our table so just because we do not drink should I expect everyone else not to?
Even though the wedding is 2 years away I keep wondering and asking myself what to do on this topic. My sister is getting married in a year with a full blown open bar and will have 250 people at it and drinking and dancing. We will be attending but not drinking and I wonder if my wedding will be compared to hers and people saying "What the hell she doesn't even allow us to drink wine with out dinner?!"
I know that I should do what is best for US and not worry about everyone else but I can't help caring about everyone truly loving the wedding and not leaving going "What the hell!?"
Urgh any advice would be really appreciated.
Adeline
I have about a year sober and am in recovery for heroin addiction. I have never had a problem with alcohol but I choose not to drink. My fiancé is in recovery for heroin addiction but he was also an alcoholic and is in recovery for that also.
We are in the very beginnings of starting to look at places, picking what colors and just overall I love looking at different ideas and starting to picture in my head what it will be like (what girl doesn't?). We have decided we want a small intimate wedding with just those close to us. Open bar is out of the question, our wedding isn't going to have that "vibe" - but should I provide wine and some signature drinks for the cocktail and reception? I will not be drinking and my too be husband will not be drinking but none of our guests have an alcohol problem and is it odd to expect them to come to a wedding and not even be offered wine at cocktail hour or at least the sit down dinner? I am 100% Italian and I wonder if my grandparents and close friends and family would expect to at least if nothing else to be offered wine.
I know that it is MY wedding and that we should choose what to do what is best for us, but the wedding would be in the spring of 2018 so we will have been sober and in recovery for 3 years by then and I am just not sure what advice any of you have. I also have considering allowing wine but since me and my too be husband will be at the sweet heart table and neither of us will be drinking or having wine on our table so just because we do not drink should I expect everyone else not to?
Even though the wedding is 2 years away I keep wondering and asking myself what to do on this topic. My sister is getting married in a year with a full blown open bar and will have 250 people at it and drinking and dancing. We will be attending but not drinking and I wonder if my wedding will be compared to hers and people saying "What the hell she doesn't even allow us to drink wine with out dinner?!"
I know that I should do what is best for US and not worry about everyone else but I can't help caring about everyone truly loving the wedding and not leaving going "What the hell!?"
Urgh any advice would be really appreciated.
Adeline
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'm already married and I was drinking when I got married, so I can only say what I'd do in hindsight....
But if it were me and both my wife and I were sober by choice, I'd probably either go 100% alcohol free, or just have a cash bar someplace outside the main reception area for those that must drink,
It's YOUR day so you should have it be just as you want it. If you would like it to be completely free of alcohol, absolutely go ahead and do it.
But if it were me and both my wife and I were sober by choice, I'd probably either go 100% alcohol free, or just have a cash bar someplace outside the main reception area for those that must drink,
It's YOUR day so you should have it be just as you want it. If you would like it to be completely free of alcohol, absolutely go ahead and do it.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
Sounds like good advice already given. My niece had a candy 'bar' at her wedding recently. She didn't plan it as a recovery oriented thing, regardless it was a pretty big hit ( and it gave her one more thing to fuss over, you know like girls like too, incorporating a color and theme and arrangement and such,) word of advice purple candy leaves little in the way of variety, still a big hit though 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi Adeline,
I think that whatever you choose people will be happy with. In the end this is your day more than anyone else's, so do what feels right to you, everyone else will be happy to see the joy in your face.
Now being a bit more practical, I'd say that instead of a cash bar just wine on the tables would be better. In this way you give people something to drink but you know exactly what's the amount of alcohol in the building so the chance of it becoming a "drunky" wedding is small.
You are doing well to think about this now and I m sure you'll have an amazing day.
P
I think that whatever you choose people will be happy with. In the end this is your day more than anyone else's, so do what feels right to you, everyone else will be happy to see the joy in your face.
Now being a bit more practical, I'd say that instead of a cash bar just wine on the tables would be better. In this way you give people something to drink but you know exactly what's the amount of alcohol in the building so the chance of it becoming a "drunky" wedding is small.
You are doing well to think about this now and I m sure you'll have an amazing day.
P
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Thank you all for your ideas and support. I am going to go with my gut and do what is best for US. I guess I knew the answer to the question I just needed to hear I wasn't be overly dramatic about the whole thing.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
It's a ways off. You might decide that it's ok to have a bit of wine on the tables by the time the wedding happens. I think if I were to get married again and my groom was also sober, that's what I'd do. A controlled amount of wine for toasting, and also offer sparkling grape juice for non-drinkers. That's what my family does for gatherings now, since we have a couple of sober people in our midst now.
But it's totally up to you. It's your day. People will be happy no matter what.
But it's totally up to you. It's your day. People will be happy no matter what.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
At my sister's wedding there was a range of different people, drinking and non drinking.
The reception staff came around with 2 options for the toasting, sparkling wine and a fruit juice alternative, and both looked identical, it was a nice idea.
It's your day, go with what will make you feel proud looking back upon!!
The reception staff came around with 2 options for the toasting, sparkling wine and a fruit juice alternative, and both looked identical, it was a nice idea.
It's your day, go with what will make you feel proud looking back upon!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Maybe a early afternoon wedding/luncheon reception could make it easier to not have alcohol.
Maybe an alcohol free with cool mocktails and non alcoholic wine/champagne?
Or a cash bar with wine on the tables for toasting.
Is your family aware of your/ and your fiances situation, if so then it shouldnt be a big surprise.
If you decide to go alcohol free, maybe you could have that someone how included in the invites so there arent any surprises on the day of.
Congratulations on joining you life with you beloved!
Maybe an alcohol free with cool mocktails and non alcoholic wine/champagne?
Or a cash bar with wine on the tables for toasting.
Is your family aware of your/ and your fiances situation, if so then it shouldnt be a big surprise.
If you decide to go alcohol free, maybe you could have that someone how included in the invites so there arent any surprises on the day of.
Congratulations on joining you life with you beloved!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
My former husband and I were both in recovery when we got married and this question came up.
What we did was have a small (mostly family) morning wedding (10 am) followed by a brunch and a cash bar. I don't recall even seeing the alcohol and as far as I know, most people there weren't into drinking much at that time of day.
My second wedding was even smaller, in a park, followed by a family barbecue at my brother-in-law's house. There was no alcohol at that one.
What we did was have a small (mostly family) morning wedding (10 am) followed by a brunch and a cash bar. I don't recall even seeing the alcohol and as far as I know, most people there weren't into drinking much at that time of day.
My second wedding was even smaller, in a park, followed by a family barbecue at my brother-in-law's house. There was no alcohol at that one.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm glad you are excited to be thinking about beginning plans for your wedding. I'm sure it will be beautiful.
I would go for no alcohol, though I really like PK's idea of offering wine or fruit juice.
I would go for no alcohol, though I really like PK's idea of offering wine or fruit juice.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I know I am looking way into the future but now that I am in recovery I am so excited for the future.
When I was using I only worried about my next first so for the first time in 10 years I am creating a plan for my life and bettering myself as much as possible. I know that a lot can change in 2 years, but it also to keep me in check and realize what I can have (family, wedding, first house, creating a life) if I continue to put in the work of bettering myself and furthering my recovery and then what I will be missing out on if I were to use again.
When I was using I only worried about my next first so for the first time in 10 years I am creating a plan for my life and bettering myself as much as possible. I know that a lot can change in 2 years, but it also to keep me in check and realize what I can have (family, wedding, first house, creating a life) if I continue to put in the work of bettering myself and furthering my recovery and then what I will be missing out on if I were to use again.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
I'm getting married in the spring of next year. My fiancee rarely drinks (she does not have a problem with alcohol). We are having a dry wedding. This is not because I feel tempted. I have 3.5 years of sobriety and have been to plenty of weddings/events/holiday parties with alcohol. Instead, it's because this is OUR wedding and we want it the way we want it. I'm not having a wedding to make others happy. I don't care if anyone complains. I am not paying for other people to drink. Period. But no one will complain because every single person invited knows I'm in recovery. Hell, half the people on the guest list are fellow AAs. We are going to have an amazing time without alcohol, just like we always do.
We're having a late morning wedding followed by a nice lunch reception at a fancy restaurant. I see others have mentioned this format and I highly suggest it. It's cheaper too!
Congrats on your engagement!
We're having a late morning wedding followed by a nice lunch reception at a fancy restaurant. I see others have mentioned this format and I highly suggest it. It's cheaper too!
Congrats on your engagement!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
I like the luncheon idea. People won't be expecting alcohol that time of the day and you could do a little wine on the table if you'd like. I personally wouldn't do a cash bar -- not because of the alcohol factor but because I wouldn't feel comfortable asking people to pay for their own drinks. I'm sure it will be lovely whatever you decide.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
It's your wedding. People are coming to see YOU and celebrate your day. If they are ticked off that there is no booze and let that "ruin" the celebration for them then they have a big problem....
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