Really sad today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Really sad today
I'm almost 15 months sober and today I am having a hard time. I lost everything from my drinking. I lost my stellar career. I lost my long term boyfriend. I lost my condo. I blew through my retirement fund. I defaulted on my credit cards. I lost my self esteem. I lost my self respect etc. Most days I am ok but every once in a while it hits me. I'm 34. I just hit a year of sobriety in June. All of my friends from college are married with careers and babies and I feel like I am just a feather in the wind. Literally 3 of my best friends are pregnant and due within weeks of each other. It hurts. I destroyed my life. I hate myself for it.
What's my purpose here? I desperately want to fall in love and marry but I feel so insecure lately. Like maybe this IS as good as it gets. I was having an OK day and then I called my Dad to chat about Labor Day. I could tell he was sad that I was not coming up for a visit with the rest of the family but honestly every time I get with my family I am miserable. I am still jealous of them and truth be told, despite all the love, they are very dysfunctional. Lots of untreated alcoholism going on. I feel like a door mat whenever I visit and it takes me a while to recover. So I am staying away. And anyway, I got off the phone with my father and I just burst into tears. Like sometimes the sadness I feel is so intense it consumes me. I just want some hope that I will be happy again. That I can have a good life. That someone will love me again and I can maybe learn to love myself.
I just need cyber hugs. Thanks all.
What's my purpose here? I desperately want to fall in love and marry but I feel so insecure lately. Like maybe this IS as good as it gets. I was having an OK day and then I called my Dad to chat about Labor Day. I could tell he was sad that I was not coming up for a visit with the rest of the family but honestly every time I get with my family I am miserable. I am still jealous of them and truth be told, despite all the love, they are very dysfunctional. Lots of untreated alcoholism going on. I feel like a door mat whenever I visit and it takes me a while to recover. So I am staying away. And anyway, I got off the phone with my father and I just burst into tears. Like sometimes the sadness I feel is so intense it consumes me. I just want some hope that I will be happy again. That I can have a good life. That someone will love me again and I can maybe learn to love myself.
I just need cyber hugs. Thanks all.
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
Very well done on the fifteen months. Whatever the future holds your chances of finding what you want are certainly better sober than drunk and I am sure you know this, that is why you are battling on. Well done again.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Reality
Posts: 491
Yes you will be happy again. You are sober now and only 34, some 30 plus year till retirement. Some good eggs still left for a battalion of bunnies and somebody who love and appreciate you. Family interaction is hard at least for me it is as well. Hang in there you will be okay stay sober. Sending you some cyber hugs!!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 322
15 months ? That is absolutely fantastic. I will be glad when I have done what you have done. I have wasted my whole life. Up until about a week ago, I hated ME. You have a lot to be proud of. You are well into the goal we all share. My family has been very supportive.....but they are dysfunctional as well. They can't help it..lol. Your higher power has things in store for you. Mine does for me...and I can't wait, but I know I have to. Life is heading your way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey Bunny!! 
There is always hope, and many more years to come in your life, there are many here on SR that will say that 34 is still only a drop in the ocean and you STILL have the rest of your life to live, and what a great foundation Sobriety is in order to do it.
I speak from experience because for me I drank my 20s away and now find myself at 33, not married either, the other day I got an invite to both a wedding and a christening from two people I know, the invites seem to come at a quicker pace these days, and so of course it can seem like life is passing by when we compare notes with others.
But everyone has their own journey and trust me we have plenty of time to rebuild and have a life that one day we'll look back upon and realise we got to where we wanted to be in the end.
15 Months is fantastic!!
There is always hope, and many more years to come in your life, there are many here on SR that will say that 34 is still only a drop in the ocean and you STILL have the rest of your life to live, and what a great foundation Sobriety is in order to do it.
I speak from experience because for me I drank my 20s away and now find myself at 33, not married either, the other day I got an invite to both a wedding and a christening from two people I know, the invites seem to come at a quicker pace these days, and so of course it can seem like life is passing by when we compare notes with others.
But everyone has their own journey and trust me we have plenty of time to rebuild and have a life that one day we'll look back upon and realise we got to where we wanted to be in the end.
15 Months is fantastic!!
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Bunny211, 15 months sober is so FANTASTIC, congratulations. You are still young and by the time you get my age(62) you'll have an extra 100 grand in your pocket, so things ain't all bad, rootin for ya. 
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
(((Bunny)))
I felt exactly the same as you at a little over a year. I felt so sad that I didn't have a relationship, and I wanted to be in love and have that commitment to someone. I was so lonely, and I saw people all around me married or getting married or in love. A bit later, I reconnected with an old flame and things were great for a while - I had that romance I thought I wanted. BUT - I still wasn't happy. I figured out it was because I still didn't like myself much. That used to not matter to me when I still drank. I got married and divorced twice, I had other serious relationships that never seemed to work. I had no idea what I was doing wrong. Why I kept failing at relationships. This time around, and sober, it was clear to me that until I get to a place where I like/love myself, I'm going to fail at being in a loving, open relationship. So I broke up with the guy.
SO - put loving yourself first. When you are happy in your own skin, then you can attract a mate who admires your self-confidence and independence. If that mate takes a while to come along, you will not feel so desperate for someone to love, because you'll have yourself.
I felt exactly the same as you at a little over a year. I felt so sad that I didn't have a relationship, and I wanted to be in love and have that commitment to someone. I was so lonely, and I saw people all around me married or getting married or in love. A bit later, I reconnected with an old flame and things were great for a while - I had that romance I thought I wanted. BUT - I still wasn't happy. I figured out it was because I still didn't like myself much. That used to not matter to me when I still drank. I got married and divorced twice, I had other serious relationships that never seemed to work. I had no idea what I was doing wrong. Why I kept failing at relationships. This time around, and sober, it was clear to me that until I get to a place where I like/love myself, I'm going to fail at being in a loving, open relationship. So I broke up with the guy.
SO - put loving yourself first. When you are happy in your own skin, then you can attract a mate who admires your self-confidence and independence. If that mate takes a while to come along, you will not feel so desperate for someone to love, because you'll have yourself.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Oh, and at your young age, I was newly divorced, had no car, was in grad school on student loans, and had about $500 to my name. Total. Two years later I met my husband.
It's going to be just fine. Promise promise.
It's going to be just fine. Promise promise.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Bunny, be very proud of yourself and what you have accomplished in your life. You've overcome alcoholism and are focused intently on improving your life. This if fantastic! If you can let go of the hate you feel for yourself, begin to love yourself, the right person will come along at the right time. (((Bunny)))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
bunny,good on ya for posting!
thats a lot of feelings and emotions hittin ya.
my best advise i could give right now is
theres times when feelings and emotions arent real- they are feelings and emotions and they dont define who i am.
thats a lot of feelings and emotions hittin ya.
my best advise i could give right now is
theres times when feelings and emotions arent real- they are feelings and emotions and they dont define who i am.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
My dear sweet Bunny,
You are doing fantastic at 15 months! 
I have a few thoughts for you... do you work daily on your gratitude?
What you once had, you can have again, even ten fold. What you need is a change of perception and direction.
I highly suggest reading "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield (yes the author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series). It's incredibly inspiring and motivational.
Just like we are the captain of the ship of our sobriety, so we are in our lives as well. If you're focused on the muddy waters, that's probably where you'll end up steering your ship. Aim for sunny beaches and redirect as need be.
I would focus on all the positivity in your life right now. Comparison robs us of our joy. Build on the positives and work on the self talk and how it makes you feel. It's ok to feel bad, but we hurt ourselves by dwelling on what we don't have.
You can have what you desire in your life. Many people including non-addicts have lost everything and built themselves back up from nothing, to be and have much more abundance in their lives. Anyone can do it, it just matters how badly they want it.
In the mean time... I highly suggest reading that book and other uplifting books you can find (that one is by far my favourite)
Love ya beautiful xo chin up you are FABULOUS.
You are doing fantastic at 15 months!
I have a few thoughts for you... do you work daily on your gratitude?
What you once had, you can have again, even ten fold. What you need is a change of perception and direction.
I highly suggest reading "The Success Principles" by Jack Canfield (yes the author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series). It's incredibly inspiring and motivational.
Just like we are the captain of the ship of our sobriety, so we are in our lives as well. If you're focused on the muddy waters, that's probably where you'll end up steering your ship. Aim for sunny beaches and redirect as need be.
I would focus on all the positivity in your life right now. Comparison robs us of our joy. Build on the positives and work on the self talk and how it makes you feel. It's ok to feel bad, but we hurt ourselves by dwelling on what we don't have.
You can have what you desire in your life. Many people including non-addicts have lost everything and built themselves back up from nothing, to be and have much more abundance in their lives. Anyone can do it, it just matters how badly they want it.
In the mean time...
I highly suggest reading that book and other uplifting books you can find (that one is by far my favourite) Love ya beautiful xo chin up you are FABULOUS.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
((((Bunny)))). So many great words of encouragement here already so I don't have much to add. Just know we are all rooting for you and thinking of you. It will get better. As the saying goes, "this too shall pass."
Hang in there and congrats on 15 months!
Eli
Hang in there and congrats on 15 months!
Eli
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
I found a lot of strength in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although it has taken some time, these promises have come true for me:
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 114
Hey, Bunny. Congratulations on being 15 months sober. That is a great accomplishment! I'm having trouble staying consistently sober and go through bouts of depression. Just want to let you know you're not the only one struggling here with certain things in our lives 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Thanks everyone. I am feeling the love. I have people who don't even know me who love me when I can't love myself. You are all amazing people and you really helped me today. Going to take a hot shower and watch some Netflix. Love you all. XOXOX
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
SO - put loving yourself first. When you are happy in your own skin, then you can attract a mate who admires your self-confidence and independence. If that mate takes a while to come along, you will not feel so desperate for someone to love, because you'll have yourself.
MLD51- Love love love this!! This is so true, I know it has been for me!
Big Hugs for you Bunny!!! Hang in there sweetheart! Your time is coming!
MLD51- Love love love this!! This is so true, I know it has been for me!
Big Hugs for you Bunny!!! Hang in there sweetheart! Your time is coming!
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