keeppushing

I don't know if this has been discussed before, but there seems to be a lot of people beating themselves up for relapsing, or feeling completely ashamed. I've been there. So I thought, the Newcomers to Recovery forum is supposed to help people feel safe, but maybe we need a little more so people aren't afraid/embarrassed to come back to the fold.

We have, for example, a Class of August 2016 thread for people who are beginning on their journey. Does a Relapse of August 2016 thread make sense to help people come back and minimise their relapse time?

Just a thought.

KP

Sherrylynn

KP,
not sure if you're here. But I appreciate your post. I struggle each day with guilt and being ashamed.

Maudcat

This is a great idea! Relapse is a part of recovery., and it happens with many of us. I would love to see a thread about relapse, and also one devoted to brain chemistry, i. e., the rewired brain of substance- dependent users. The more we in recovery know about this crazy condition, the more tools with which we can cope.

doggonecarl

Relapse is common, but it's not part of recovery. It's part of the addiction.

I don't say that as someone who never relapsed. I've have. And it's always been when some aspect of my recovery breaks down, or my vigilance weakens, or--dare I say--when I accept that relapse is just part of recovery.

Leshar

Personally, I don't like the idea. I understand your rationale of letting people be honest and admit a relapse, in a safe "group" setting, but I think it just has a negative connotation. SR is a safe place for all to discuss relapse at any point.
For me, a very important use of SR is to post when cravings seem insurmountable, and hopefully a relapse may be avoided.

dwtbd

There are times/contexts were i don't even agree with the appropriateness of the term and its usage.
At times it can be too 'AV-friendly' .
"I've relapsed" or "this is third relapse in x-amount of time" unless the term is used specifically to describe a return to using/drinking, in a verbal shorthand way, the term it self can take on different connotations, like relapse being a part of recovery. I doubt anyone would be comfortable agreeing with someone who said " I drank a bottle of whisky, that's part of my recovery"
It would be truer and more helpful for someone trying to quit recognize that a return to drinking means they have yet to find a way . The prolific use of the term seems to distract from the actual situation being described. allowing for 'relapse(s)' plays into the designs of the AV and the blurring of the lines opens the door for continued self intoxication. Both during the 'episode' and for working against resolve to guarantee the absence of another.
I stopped drinking thousands of times in the past , so far I only quit once by planning to never again drink, I'm too weak for my plan to incorporate the idea that I may.

Andante

The word "relapse" is often used to refer to a resumption of drinking after a brief interruption, but I don't believe that really reflects the spirit of the term.

I've come to think that one needs to travel a ways down the road of recovery before one can "relapse."

Seems to me the existing Class threads are a good place for anyone who is still struggling to accumulate sober time, whether it's measured in hours or months.

Fortunately, the instances of what I see as true "relapse" are rare enough that they shouldn't require their own thread.

I agree that in general, relapse is a part of addiction and not recovery, although it can certainly serve as a learning experience.

PurpleKnight

As people have different needs and are at different stages in their recovery, then individual threads for each person I think works well, a class thread would just become many stories getting lost in amongst each other.

Individual threads mean we can address each person with tailored advice on a case by case basis, for example the person who relapsed due to life events, the person who needs to tweak their recovery plan, and then there are those that have yet to create or see the need for a recovery plan, individual threads also allow for pointing a person back to the last time they relapsed, all the advice given and a challenge along the lines of what was taken onboard or what was done differently.

I'm a great believer in tailoring the advice based on the audience, everyone doesn't require the same response but different based on where they are at in their recovery after a relapse, again the person who is on their first attempt at Sobreity and only lasted a few days but now needs to get a plan in place with more support, compared to the person who relapses over and over, who hasn't taken onboard the need to make the necessary changes, there's two very different types of encouragement and challenge required.

I would opt for still being able to reply to people in individual threads as they reach out for support!!

nmd

I'm not personally for a separate thread, I find the existing monthly threads welcoming as they are. Steering people who are "trying again" to a separate thread actually seems less welcoming.

Those who want to drink often find an excuse to disappear, that's part of addiction. Those who have relapsed and come back want to try again. I don't think there is anything in the monthly "class" format that that turns people away. There's also a lot of other avenues for discussion/support as it is (blogs, year and under thread, weekender, 24 hour connections, posting in the general forum, chat room, etc.)

Dee74

I think the groups work best when there is a mix of people.

You need to have some people in the group who are forging forward, and who'll help others to do the same.

I know with relapse people often feel self conscious - and the AV plays on that a lot - but the group threads are really very good at accepting everyone as part of the class.

I hope any newbies reading will give the current Class of August thread a chance.

Before the monthly threads took off, we used to have an under two weeks thread. It never really worked as far as I was concerned.

Although I and CarolD used to post on it regularly, there often was little peer impetus among the members to move forward..,..instead what happened was people got a bit comfortable with relapsing, and that's not a good outcome as far as I'm concerned.

As someone else has said, relapse is part of my addiction - not my recovery.

We all want to get out of addiction. Having threads that focus on relapse is kinda bass ackwards to me.

D

Delizadee

It's not the worst thought in the world.
But I've relapsed enough times to know that I would rather participate in a regular class thread even if I've relapsed than one labeled relapse thread. Feels kind of label-y and outcastish. We have to accept what's been done, pick ourselves up and move on. If you post under relapse thread for days on end I think that's kind of reaffirming the negative.
We have to learn to shake off the shame and be willing to admit we weren't fully committed. And the recommit to sobriety. Every. single. day.
Says a former relapse queen who has relinquished her crown.
We in it to win it!

keeppushing

Yeah, the irony is that I am speaking to an audience who are by definition afraid to speak up. I may have clouded things by using certain words that attracted attention away from what I was trying to communicate. The problem with the shame of drinking is that every feedback can feel like hurtful judgment. For example, "Do you have a plan?" can have a much more painful reaction as opposed to "You know, some people have found a plan useful and you can find out more in Dee's wonderful post..."

Anyway, the masses have spoken. Interesting feedback.

KP

Dee74

I assume this is partly directed my way.

I have a lot of threads to read and I only have 24 hours in a day KP.
I like being mindful but direct

Others like, or have more time, to take a more roundabout or more verbose way and that's awesome - I'm perfectly ok with you or others doing that - that way all the bases are covered

I do appreciate what you're saying, I've heard it before.

I think I'm very mindful of people being sensitive, but y'know sometimes we grow into being too sensitive and I dunno about you but my AV was all for that...the merest slight was often enough to 'make' me drink.

I ask the question because I believe it's something we need to think about, not because it's a mark of shame, or some kind of castigation, any more than asking a pilot if they have a flight plan would be.

D

Delilah1

My sobriety date is January 1, 2016, and I check in daily. I like having people who started with me, and some have left the class and went on to join other classes. This is not the first class I was in. My original class was October of 2012, and I joined a few other classes before finally getting it right. I think part of recovery for me was owning where I currently was, and starting fresh from that point. I love that each month is a new class, I think it provides lots of support for each of us.

I always think of the Newcomers thread as a welcoming place, and I always try to leave an encouraging message for each new class.

Now I feel like I'm babbling!!

I'm glad you are here and posting today!!!

Delizadee

One thing I've found is if you sit affronted, offended or hurt without examining your discomfort and accepting that that is a part of LIFE not just sobriety, you are stuck in the negative thinking that keeps us sick.
We have to accept that getting sober is not going to be a walk in the park and that we have to be willing to take some things straight up, sit in the discomfort and work our way through it instead of sitting in the sh*tty feelings and using it as an excuse to stay where we have been stuck for so long.

Think about it. We all want this to be easy and we want to be patted on the back and have our hands held in this crappy and often messy endeavour.
We are responsible for our lives and our actions and how and what we choose to do with our reactions.
You can get a ton of support here and in real life, but life itself without alcohol is not going to be easy. Part of recovery... is dealing with the sh*tty sh*t and being OK with being uncomfortable sometimes.
We can choose to live in shame and make excuses and be reactional... or we can choose to turn it into a learning lesson to live a better life inside and out.
Life is messy, heavy, confusing but it can be beautiful if you stop the shame game and accept that tough love and straight talk is what we need to hear a lot of times to help pull us out of the murky depths of shame, despair and hopelessness.

I appreciate the understanding, the empathy and loving support I've gotten from SR SO much. But a lot of what has helped me the most has been the straight fact of make the choice, take action. If you relapse, so be it. It's done. Make the choice, take action. It's up to you. Reframe

Love,
former relapse queen.