Drinking led my husband's suicide. I need to stop.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Poole, England
Posts: 8
Drinking led my husband's suicide. I need to stop.
Hello all,
I've had problems with drinking since university. I suffered crippling social anxiety and used alcohol to be able to socialise and go out with peers. Unfortunately this habit remained with me afterwards too. I was drinking most evenings, depending on it before I could cope with seeing people.
After university I met my husband. He was a drinker too. We were heavy heavy drinkers for the first few years of our relationship. At least a couple of bottles of wine a night. Those first few years of our relationship were great, but on nights where the drinking would go too far we would fight.
Then we had our children. We stopped for a few years. Bought our first home, did well in our jobs etc. Then for some reason the drinking recommenced. Back to the usual 2-3 bottles a night. Still functioning - looking after the kids, going to work etc.
But one night we had a huge argument and he hurt me badly. He was arrested and charged and barred from coming back to the home. After his court date I let him move back in but said I was leaving him (this wasn't the first case of domestic violence, but was the worst). The house went up for sale. We carried on drinking and decided we would spend Christmas together as a family then part.
Then one night again we drank too much. We had an argument. I went to bed. He hung himself in the garage.
I have carried on drinking. It gets me through the evenings when the kids are in bed and I feel alone. But I need to stop. I so need to stop. Every bad thing that has happened in my adult life has somehow stemmed from alcohol. It's made me overweight, costs a fortune and I fear for my health.
I did stop for a couple of weeks but went away on holiday with family, had a few drinks and am back to drinking nightly again. I need to stop. Please help me stop
I've had problems with drinking since university. I suffered crippling social anxiety and used alcohol to be able to socialise and go out with peers. Unfortunately this habit remained with me afterwards too. I was drinking most evenings, depending on it before I could cope with seeing people.
After university I met my husband. He was a drinker too. We were heavy heavy drinkers for the first few years of our relationship. At least a couple of bottles of wine a night. Those first few years of our relationship were great, but on nights where the drinking would go too far we would fight.
Then we had our children. We stopped for a few years. Bought our first home, did well in our jobs etc. Then for some reason the drinking recommenced. Back to the usual 2-3 bottles a night. Still functioning - looking after the kids, going to work etc.
But one night we had a huge argument and he hurt me badly. He was arrested and charged and barred from coming back to the home. After his court date I let him move back in but said I was leaving him (this wasn't the first case of domestic violence, but was the worst). The house went up for sale. We carried on drinking and decided we would spend Christmas together as a family then part.
Then one night again we drank too much. We had an argument. I went to bed. He hung himself in the garage.
I have carried on drinking. It gets me through the evenings when the kids are in bed and I feel alone. But I need to stop. I so need to stop. Every bad thing that has happened in my adult life has somehow stemmed from alcohol. It's made me overweight, costs a fortune and I fear for my health.
I did stop for a couple of weeks but went away on holiday with family, had a few drinks and am back to drinking nightly again. I need to stop. Please help me stop
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Pezkin, please accept my deepest condolences. I can't begin to imagine the way you feel. My heart goes out to you and your family. 
Have you had any type of counseling to deal with your husband's loss? If you can't stop drinking on your own, have you considered rehab? I know you have two little ones, not sure if help is available to you. If not can you see your Doctor for assistance in detoxing?
I started my day one right here, the support is amazing. I couldn't do it alone. So glad you took the first step and reached out.
Have you had any type of counseling to deal with your husband's loss? If you can't stop drinking on your own, have you considered rehab? I know you have two little ones, not sure if help is available to you. If not can you see your Doctor for assistance in detoxing?
I started my day one right here, the support is amazing. I couldn't do it alone. So glad you took the first step and reached out.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, Pezkin!
Many of us here have seen the ultimate cost of alcoholism. I hope you know that you are not alone--there is plenty of support here at SoberRecovery and at support-group meetings in your community.
I hope to see more posts from you soon.
Many of us here have seen the ultimate cost of alcoholism. I hope you know that you are not alone--there is plenty of support here at SoberRecovery and at support-group meetings in your community.
I hope to see more posts from you soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Poole, England
Posts: 8
Thanks for the replies. I was doing really well with not drinking before I went away on holiday a fortnight ago. I know I can do it again it's just maintaining it. I think it's going to have to be all or nothing for me - and just stop drinking completely.
I am going to try and stop tomorrow. I see there is a daily thread thing here I may join. It's an extra incentive to keep at it if I have people to report to! My friends and family don't really know, apart from a good friend of mine who lives far away - but that's because he has a drinking problem too!
Thank you for the welcome
I am going to try and stop tomorrow. I see there is a daily thread thing here I may join. It's an extra incentive to keep at it if I have people to report to! My friends and family don't really know, apart from a good friend of mine who lives far away - but that's because he has a drinking problem too!
Thank you for the welcome
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I think joining the daily thread is an excellent idea, Pezkin.
There's also an August thread if you'd like to join.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-8.html
There's also an August thread if you'd like to join.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-8.html
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Columbus
Posts: 310
Pezkin, Wow! you really put drinking in perspective for me today. I have been wallowing in self pity and I said OK Lord I will read SR today and if I am not to drink you will make it known and I read your post. I cannot imagine being in your shoes and what you have been through.It is such a reminder of how destructive alcohol is. So glad your here. Stay close to the boards they are a blessing just like you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,490
I wish you the best Pezkin. Your experience really resonated with me; I am a survivor of a hanging that was self induced due to drinking. I am now 3. 5 yrs sober. Stick with us and put down the bottle
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Originally Posted by Pezkin 
I was doing really well with not drinking before I went away on holiday a fortnight ago. I know I can do it again it's just maintaining it. I think it's going to have to be all or nothing for me - and just stop drinking completely.)
Yes, stopping drinking and staying stopped (recovering) are two different things. Many of us have had to make significant lifestyle changes in order to support our recovery. It took me most of a year before I was comfortable to socialize around alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Alcohol has caused many problems in my life but perhaps the most detrimental to me has been the effect it has had on my mental health.
There were times where I felt so hopeless that I had suicidal ideations. I am 3 months sober and my outlook on life has completely changed yet my circumstances are the same. The only difference is I eliminated alcohol. I still have a long way to go but I realize that the solution to my problems starts with sobriety.
There were times where I felt so hopeless that I had suicidal ideations. I am 3 months sober and my outlook on life has completely changed yet my circumstances are the same. The only difference is I eliminated alcohol. I still have a long way to go but I realize that the solution to my problems starts with sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi. Welcome to the forum. It's a great resource.
Yes. Maintaining sobriety without our alcoholic thinking drinking us crazy. That is the problem. BUT, it is a surmountable problem. And there is help available for you. Help here. And in AA, and at other places such as SMART or similar. AA is my program of choice as there are so many meetings and so many other ladies at my local meetings. Plus, it's run by alcoholics for alcoholics, so no patronising or silliness about 'cutting down' or moderating (if that was possible, we'd be doing it).
If you look at the 12-steps of AA you will see that only the very first one even mentions alcohol. That is because, once we have stopped drinking there is still a lot of work to do in order to address the alcoholic thinking which makes sobriety seem unbearable and untenable unless it is addressed.
There are some great resources on here for creating your own sobriety plan. One of the best is Dee's thread which has excellent links on it. It's well worth a looksie. ..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Yes. Maintaining sobriety without our alcoholic thinking drinking us crazy. That is the problem. BUT, it is a surmountable problem. And there is help available for you. Help here. And in AA, and at other places such as SMART or similar. AA is my program of choice as there are so many meetings and so many other ladies at my local meetings. Plus, it's run by alcoholics for alcoholics, so no patronising or silliness about 'cutting down' or moderating (if that was possible, we'd be doing it).
If you look at the 12-steps of AA you will see that only the very first one even mentions alcohol. That is because, once we have stopped drinking there is still a lot of work to do in order to address the alcoholic thinking which makes sobriety seem unbearable and untenable unless it is addressed.
There are some great resources on here for creating your own sobriety plan. One of the best is Dee's thread which has excellent links on it. It's well worth a looksie. ..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
Originally Posted by Pezkin
Please help me stop
meetings - to find out what recovery is and isnt
sponsor - guides you thru the steps
steps - where recovery happens
service - gets us out of our self centered nature
higher power - speaks to me thru my conscience
God bless
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I'm so sorry for your loss Pezkin...but I am glad you found us.
I really believe second chances are available for all of us.
I hope you're seeing someone to help you work through your grief and guilt - I think this is one of the best articles I've read on the subject.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-what-if.html
I hope you'll take a look at it, when you're ready
D
I really believe second chances are available for all of us.
I hope you're seeing someone to help you work through your grief and guilt - I think this is one of the best articles I've read on the subject.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-what-if.html
I hope you'll take a look at it, when you're ready
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR,Pezkin! It's good to have you with us. I'm so sorry for your loss. Alcohol can be cruel! The good thing is you're still alive- there is still hope for you. Even if it doesn't feel like it now you can salvage your life and make it worth living again.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
PLEASE consider going to an AA meeting. Here is a link to find meetings near you.
Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
All the best to you.
Find a Meeting | AA Meetings | Alcoholics Anonymous (Great Britain) Ltd
All the best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Sorry for your traumatic loss. Please get as much support and help as you can. You will find lots of support here on SR. Maybe link in with your GP also and take it from there.
My best wishes to you,
B
My best wishes to you,
B
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