sammy540

Adderall addict for 10 years - I am in a bad place right now. Everything is great in my life except for my adderall addiction I just can't stop. I take about 80 mg a day for a week then I throw away the prescription because I want to be done. About 2 days later I regret it and countdown the days until my next refill. I constantly lie about taking the pills, I don't even like the way they make me feel, I'm not sleeping, I have to drink a bottle of wine at night to come down from it, and it is going to ruin my life and relationship. But no matter how many negatives I keep coming back and I don't know why or how to stop. Help! I have a new prescription right now and I want to throw it away but I can't find the strength.

Elicia08

You've done something good just by posting here. If you can't throw it away, can you at least leave it alone until tomorrow? Or is there someone you can tell who can help you throw it away? If it's bad now and you don't stop, it will only get worse. Stay here, read posts of others who have been where you are and got through it. You're worth not taking those pills... Hang in there!!

Julia8

do it! you will be proud of yourself and wont have to feel the shame and guilt. hugs!

sammy540

I want to be able to do this on my own i want to walk over and throw them away and be done. I don't want to share this with those people I know.... embarrassed. Why can't I just throw them out right now and be done? How do I shake the habit for good?

teatreeoil007

Oh, Sam. I can feel your desperation, man. This is hard, really, really hard..addiction is like a vulture with big GIANT TALONS that gets a grip in our brains and won't let go...WE have had to and continue to need to pry those talons out our brains, because they will not loose themselves of their own accord. Is it HARD? Darn right it is, but it's POSSIBLE and like you've indicated, it will only get worse.

Is being clean and sober EASY?

For some it is. But for most of us here, it's NOT. But: you got to get off that stuff. Like you've said, if you have to drink a bottle of wine to come down from the uppers, what kind of rat race is that to live? What is your QUALITY OF LIFE, man if you are chasing a high, and then have to take another substance to get off the high? You know the answers to these rhetorical questions I've just asked. The real question in my mind is can you see, can you taste how much better your life will be without these demons?

Maybe you can't see it or taste it yet. That's why you need other people to help you see it and then get a taste of it.

Do you want to be free? Do you want out of this prison of addiction? Yes, I'm sure you do.

You've got the keys.

Unlock the door.

We're here to help.

Quincy

Just a thought. If you're honest with the people you know they may be a tremendous help right now and in the long run if you continue they will know in the long run if they don't know already.

The only reason i say this is to help. I believe one of the biggest reasons I continued being addicted to alcohol (hopefully past tense) is I wasn't honest with myself and the people I know (even though they knew from my actions).

I only at day 3 so not alot to brag about, but it feels good to have been honest and truthful and not being under the influence right now and being on this site to express myself.

sammy540

okay I did it. I flushed it all down the drain. It's gone. I have 20 days until I am eligible for a refill - please do you have tips to stopping? I feel great off of them I know that but once I'm up for refill it's like an itch I cannot stop myself from picking it up. Why do I do this to myself? My diet and excercise suffers, I don't sleep, I have terrible headaches, so why will I go pick it up? I don't want to this time. This is it for me, i have to be done with this once and for all. This is probably my 12th time flushing them down, but it has got to be the last.

sammy540

honestly, I am too embarrassed and I think if I can get the right advice and support here I think I can do it. I have to.

cwood3

Call the doctor/pharmacy and have the prescription cancelled.......

4givn

Hello Sam
Please throw away the prescription. You will think about it all night and no doubt plan to get it filled tomorrow.
Addiction is painful and lonely. I totally understand why you feel you can't talk to someone about it. I feel the same way with my addiction.
Just today I have thought how much I want to slay the beast in my brain that tries to dominate my thoughts and satisfy itself at the expense of my health and sanity,
I am going to get hardcore with this addiction voice. I am going to aggressively fight it with a sword sharpened by my willevery morning/afternoon and evening until it is mortally wounded.

sammy540

you are right. It's thrown away. I don't have the strength to call the doctor and tell him to stop filling it yet but I'm going to try to do the same as you and get that strength before my refill is available. I have to. And good luck to you as well

teatreeoil007

I can share what's been a help to me. Personally, I had to come to terms with why I EVER abused a substance in the first place...because that's NOT who I was for a very long time...So, why? I had to get really honest with myself and face up to the truth that I wasn't happy; wasn't content, didn't have peace. So, then I had to ask myself if I was trying to be someone I really wasn't; was I not accepting myself and all my limitations and shortcomings...thus sought to cope with my lack by the use of a substance? The answer was yes, Yes, AND YES.

For me, a lot of it was feeling that I couldn't live up to expectations....rather than face the reality and acceptance of who I really am, I sought to help myself become something un-naturally...because using substances to feel better is artificial, isn't it?

So...I had to get real.

Mentally, it's helped me to hearken back to a time when I didn't do that...and yes, I can remember that time. It was a time of more simplicity, really...can't think of another word to describe it right now. Simplicity. Simple, yet elegant. (smile)

Also, to know your triggers and have a plan. Be in touch with how I REALLY feel; not how I think I'm supposed to feel. Because I have a hard time identifying my triggers if I am not honest about how I feel. (smile)

4givn

Sam, If I may ask why you were given Adderall in the first place.
I would suggest talking to the Doctor that initially prescribed this medicine and openly discuss your reaction to it, The Doctor should prescribe another more suitable medication for you.
All medications change us chemically.
We do not have to take any chemicals if we don't want to and no one can tell you that you need something that affects you so adversely .
If you continue taking Adderall you will become very ill. It is a very tough drug and is abused by many. It fetches a high price in college dormitories.

emme99

Good job flushing them sammy. My advice, and I know it is easier said than done, is to try to find the strength to tell you doctor. I don't know if Adderall is ok to quit cold turkey or maybe your doctor can help you come up with a plan to taper your current dose down until you are able to stop taking them. I am wishing you the best.

SweatyHands

My guess would be that you can't throw your pills away for the same reason that I could never leave a bottle of vodka in my house without drinking it--we're addicts. Everyone is different, and pushing too far past your comfort zone too fast might not be what is best for you, but I got sober because I told people who care about me what I was doing to myself. It was the only way to get the help and support that I needed, and to have some accountability for my progress. It sounds like you are ready to be done with this. When I was ready to be done with the bottle, I had my sister come stay with me for a week. She helped me stick to my tapering plan, as well as monitoring me to make sure that my health was at minimal risk. At the very least, you need someone who is able to help you resist the urge to use, and to help you be accountable. And telling your doctor that you can't have these anymore wouldn't be a bad idea either.

Great job reaching out! You can do this!

Soberwolf

Welcome Sammy

Elicia08

Good for you for getting rid of them!! Your story reminds me so much of one of my best friends. For her, it's Xanax. I watch her go through this cycle every month. She gets the pills, prescribed for a legitimate anxiety disorder supposedly, and takes them like a fiend for the first few days of the month. She'll take three, four, sometime six pills at a time--acts like a total fool, has no idea what she's doing--takes them until they are all gone. Then she goes through a week of detox where she's totally depressed, can't get out of bed, won't return phone calls, etc. Finally, about week three she's back to her old self. We can hang out, do stuff, talk, laugh, and have a good time. Then the prescription comes in again and the cycle starts all over. I'm not a pill-head--alcohol is my DOC--and I can never understand how she does it. She basically goes through detox once a month. I'm an alcoholic and I went through detox a little over a week ago and hope I never have to go through it again. Anyway, not sure why I'm telling you this except to let you know you're not alone. Her doctor recently found out she's been abusing the stuff and won't refill her scripts anymore. Don't you think it would be easier to tell the doc to stop filling them for you? If you can go 20 days without, you can go 40, 60, 80, and maybe be done forever. How good would that feel?

IvanMike

I wanted to do it on my own too.

That didn't go so well for me.

Pride and not wanting to be accountable almost got me dead.

Despite my enormous misgivings, I went to Narcotics Anonymous for help. That has produced much better results.

U75

I know it's going to be hard, but you gotta come clean with your prescribing doctor about your abuse of the drug. Believe me, if your doc knew you'd become addicted to a script he/she wrote, he/she's going to do everything possible to help.

Quincy

I sincerely wish you the best.