First day, and also my history
 

Hello good people, Today is my first sober day after another 5 day bender.

About my situation: I am 34 and have been drinking pretty much every day for the last 10-12 years. started with beer and a few years ago I reached the phase of chugging the cheapest vodka I could find straight out of the bottle. On an average I drink about 5-6 drinks a day (I have actually kept a record since this January), but this number is in control owing to the fact that I did have a few days of abstinence every couple of months, and also a few days where I drink just a couple of beers.

I work two and a half days a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday till 1PM. My usual pattern is I get a pint of vodka on my way home from work and the first thing I do on getting home is have a sip from the bottle, have a cigarette, and drink and smoke till I pass out, usually about 5-6 drinks, though sometimes I do finish the whole 8 drinks in the pint. If I am working the next day then somehow I get to work, if not then I finish the rest of the pint as soon as I get up, have something to eat and sleep again, get up late afternoon, early evening and hit the vodka again.

my last sober patch was July 14-18, that was because I had gone to some relative's place and did not want to show them how I drink.

Anyways, yesterday morning I did not have much vodka left over from last night, just about a drink and a half, I gulped that, ate and slept. When I woke up my withdrawal had begun, typical sweats and little shaking and racing heart. I got half a pint instead of my usual full pint, and had it very slowly, just fast enough to abet the withdrawal. I did finish it and most of my symptoms were gone, but since it was half my usual quota of 8 drinks, I could not sleep till about 3 AM, finally managed to get some sleep but woke up at 5:30AM and waited for my 6 AM alarm to go off. I am at work right now and I am not having any severe symptoms, just the nausea that comes and goes, and a little racy heart.

I have a very important interview tomorrow, I just want to commit myself that this time my sobriety is for real. I have tried to quit multiple times before, but the addictive voice always got the better of me.

Just wanted to put this out there. Any help will be appreciated.

THanks for listening.

Well good luck. It's a tough road to sobriety but so far I do not regret it. 93 days sober. Hang in there.

Nice to see you and welcome to SR :). If you stick around you'll find lots and lots of support here. You can beat this no matter how many benders you have had.

welcome as you know it is tough at first just fight through the discomfort mental and physical put sobriety first you can do this

Welcome to the Forum Stale!! :wave:

Hi Stale

hey stale. its a hard battle man. the longest ive gone is 9 months. right now im on 41 days. feel free to tweet me if u ever want conversation

Hi Stale,

Welcome to SR! I am at the 7.5 month mark after many previous tries and I am feeling much better both physically and mentally. The first few days/weeks were difficult, more mentally than physically, but sobriety is worth it.

You should join the August class, you will be surrounded by others who also stopped drinking in August. You can do this!!

I hope your interview tomorrow goes well!!

Welcome and good luck.

Thank you so much for your support everyone!! This is amazing.

Anyways, I am coping well so far, it is a little more difficult as today is also my last day of work at this office. I really loved working here and this job was a huuuuge support in a difficult time.

This is a very important transitional phase of my professional as well a family life. I have a beautiful wife and daughter, but I cannot see them as I have come to the US for an educational program since 2013. I went back twice and they came to visit once. But now it has been a year and one month since I have seen them, my parents, brother and my friends.

My drinking really took off when I moved here on my own under extreme financial pressure and stress regarding my future. I am scared all the time about what will happen with my professional career, and I drink to forget. It makes me miss my family a little less and not be scared for a little while.

Again, thanks a lot for your support and sorry for ranting.

dont be sorry for trying to help yourself! rant on! talking about it has helped me in my battle sooooooooo much

Have you tried AA?