I just need a minute
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
I just need a minute
I am a little over 3 weeks sober now. I was sober from 3/13/13- 6/?/15 and then for the last year I started drinking again. For the first 6 months normally then not so much and now here I am.
However, I am moving from my very exclusive apartment to my boyfriends bachelor pad in order to save money for a house, I turned 40 on 8/3/16,and I thought I lost my job last week for a few days (Tuesday through Thursday while they did a file audit and caught a BAD mistake) and was petrified.
Now here I sit and my AV is screaming "let's party". When I recognized that it said " let's just have one to say goodbye to this portion of your life". .... One corona on the porch by the lake. I can see myself doing it.... To be honest I can almost taste it.
So many changes so fast.... And I trying so hard to deal with all these emotions but I'll be honest..... I just want to drink it away.
I don't care what program you use, I personally use RR/ AVRT but if your AA or SMART or whatever please just give me some encouragement.... I have to make it through right now
in advance
Jess
However, I am moving from my very exclusive apartment to my boyfriends bachelor pad in order to save money for a house, I turned 40 on 8/3/16,and I thought I lost my job last week for a few days (Tuesday through Thursday while they did a file audit and caught a BAD mistake) and was petrified.
Now here I sit and my AV is screaming "let's party". When I recognized that it said " let's just have one to say goodbye to this portion of your life". .... One corona on the porch by the lake. I can see myself doing it.... To be honest I can almost taste it.
So many changes so fast.... And I trying so hard to deal with all these emotions but I'll be honest..... I just want to drink it away.
I don't care what program you use, I personally use RR/ AVRT but if your AA or SMART or whatever please just give me some encouragement.... I have to make it through right now
in advanceJess
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I turned 40 on Aug 3, too! I have to tell you it is so much better on this side- you do not have to reach 41 and still have the life you have now, Jess.
Planning your days- meetings for me, time every day on BB, devotionals, secular recovery work too, near constant communication with my sponsor, boyfriend, parents and closest friends....prayer and learning to make healthy choices. Not letting myself get too anxious, overwhelmed or tired- still a big one for me at almost 6 mo sober- and when I need to, and this is emotionally and mentally as I truly have no desire to drink, one conversation with myself, one action, one thought at a time.
You don't elaborate on a program you are working but it sounds like now would be the perfect time to formalize a consistent one.
I came back from the brink of death by liver failure- my life is so much better than it was when I was drinking. You do not have to live any version of scary and unhealthy.
Good luck- I hope 40 becomes yoyr best year yet.
Planning your days- meetings for me, time every day on BB, devotionals, secular recovery work too, near constant communication with my sponsor, boyfriend, parents and closest friends....prayer and learning to make healthy choices. Not letting myself get too anxious, overwhelmed or tired- still a big one for me at almost 6 mo sober- and when I need to, and this is emotionally and mentally as I truly have no desire to drink, one conversation with myself, one action, one thought at a time.
You don't elaborate on a program you are working but it sounds like now would be the perfect time to formalize a consistent one.
I came back from the brink of death by liver failure- my life is so much better than it was when I was drinking. You do not have to live any version of scary and unhealthy.
Good luck- I hope 40 becomes yoyr best year yet.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
I ask myself if I went ahead and drank exactly what problem would that fix? Your just going to drink and then feel regret which will tack on one more problem you didn't want. Do something nice for yourself today. Fight thru the craving and it will pass
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
One thing that changed things for me was really it wasn't the last drink that did me in, it was the first.
After that first drink, no matter how good my intentions, everything changed.
Like they say - it's the engine that hits you.... not the caboose.
Your AV is lying to you.
You've already taken several steps of independence...it would be a real shame to turn back now Just Fine
remember the Big Plan - I will never drink again and I will never change my mind
D
After that first drink, no matter how good my intentions, everything changed.
Like they say - it's the engine that hits you.... not the caboose.
Your AV is lying to you.
You've already taken several steps of independence...it would be a real shame to turn back now Just Fine
remember the Big Plan - I will never drink again and I will never change my mind
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
My first attempt at sobering up was at around your age. Stayed sober back then for close to 3 years. I then went back to drinking and suffered off and on for another 15 years.
All I can say is, "if you think you are alcoholic, ?" It's a downhill slide if you keep on drinking.
Given time sobriety can be a lot of fun.
Do you ever wish for some serenity?
Today I love the stuff.
M-Bob
All I can say is, "if you think you are alcoholic, ?" It's a downhill slide if you keep on drinking.
Given time sobriety can be a lot of fun.
Do you ever wish for some serenity?
Today I love the stuff.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Hi Jess.
I can totally relate. Especially when scorching hot outside...BUT--I just remind myself a few cold ones are only a temporary reprieve, if any...
I just got back from a walk outside and I really wanted to go through a long one; like 2+ hours cause it's quiet today where I usually walk...it's so hot out...but I find the sunshine to be uplifting to my spirits....it's just I'm a bit discouraged today cuz I only walked about 45 minutes...I know, I know, I should be able to call it good at 45 minutes and be glad I did what I did....and I would have walked longer, but my right foot is in pain when I step down. I'm thinking my feet have just taken a beating over the last week and it will feel better tomorrow, then I'll try again...
So.....try again...that's my motto for today. Hang in there, it will be alright....
I can totally relate. Especially when scorching hot outside...BUT--I just remind myself a few cold ones are only a temporary reprieve, if any...
I just got back from a walk outside and I really wanted to go through a long one; like 2+ hours cause it's quiet today where I usually walk...it's so hot out...but I find the sunshine to be uplifting to my spirits....it's just I'm a bit discouraged today cuz I only walked about 45 minutes...I know, I know, I should be able to call it good at 45 minutes and be glad I did what I did....and I would have walked longer, but my right foot is in pain when I step down. I'm thinking my feet have just taken a beating over the last week and it will feel better tomorrow, then I'll try again...
So.....try again...that's my motto for today. Hang in there, it will be alright....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
JF, you say
"and I thought I lost my job last week for a few days ."
i assume you didnt get fired?
best advise i can give right now is dont let your thoughts control your actions.
theres absolutely NOTHING a drink will make better, but it WILL make EVERYTHING much worse.
"and I thought I lost my job last week for a few days ."
i assume you didnt get fired?
best advise i can give right now is dont let your thoughts control your actions.
theres absolutely NOTHING a drink will make better, but it WILL make EVERYTHING much worse.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Just,
Thanks for the post.
It is so hard to quit when nothing is going wrong.
I used to think...I'm having my cake and eating it to....
Well, each day, each binge, the brain damage gets deeper.
The damage is subtle. Things like rage, and panic waves were evident in me for years.
I was addicted, so I ignored them.
I suffer everyday a bit now. I am clean, no drugs at all, I am better...but not perfect.
Anxiety is the issue. The health comes back, but the anxiety, a shadow of its former self, remains.
Thanks for the post.
It is so hard to quit when nothing is going wrong.
I used to think...I'm having my cake and eating it to....
Well, each day, each binge, the brain damage gets deeper.
The damage is subtle. Things like rage, and panic waves were evident in me for years.
I was addicted, so I ignored them.
I suffer everyday a bit now. I am clean, no drugs at all, I am better...but not perfect.
Anxiety is the issue. The health comes back, but the anxiety, a shadow of its former self, remains.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
You did the best thing you could by posting.
I don't know if this helps but sit and ponder this question. Is it really and truly one Corona by the lake?
It's what I do every time. Play the tape. I know better. It still kills me that our minds can do that after all we've been through. Was it ever really just one?
When you think it through it really does help.
I don't know if this helps but sit and ponder this question. Is it really and truly one Corona by the lake?
It's what I do every time. Play the tape. I know better. It still kills me that our minds can do that after all we've been through. Was it ever really just one?
When you think it through it really does help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
thank you all. I knew it wasn't an option to drink but having the support from all of you helped so much.TomSteve- the state is still investigating but I go back to work in a week after my vacation/move.
OceanGuy - my craft beer loving boyfriend has turned his drinking pad into an alcohol free zone and is even doing the first 30 days with me so he is awesome.
August25- you and I must have been meant to "cyber meet". Same birthday and one of my favorite movies is Alice in Wonderland.
I wish I could respond to all your insightful posts.... But I wore myself out and moving tomorrow.
I love all your perspectives and insight.
Jess
Last edited by JustFine; 08-15-2016 at 09:17 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527 
You did the best thing you could by posting.
I don't know if this helps but sit and ponder this question. Is it really and truly one Corona by the lake?
It's what I do every time. Play the tape. I know better. It still kills me that our minds can do that after all we've been through. Was it ever really just one?
When you think it through it really does help.
I don't know if this helps but sit and ponder this question. Is it really and truly one Corona by the lake?
It's what I do every time. Play the tape. I know better. It still kills me that our minds can do that after all we've been through. Was it ever really just one?
When you think it through it really does help.
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
I turn 40 on Sunday, and I'm damn glad to be doing it sober. Last summer I chose to start drinking again after 3+ years of sobriety, and it got real ugly, real fast. Whenever that AV starts piping up, I just remind myself that as soon as I take that first drink, all bets are off. I can not stop. So, I just won't start. And as Dee said, when in doubt, I refer back to my Big Plan: I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 76
Originally Posted by SweatyHands
I turn 40 on Sunday, and I'm damn glad to be doing it sober. Last summer I chose to start drinking again after 3+ years of sobriety, and it got real ugly, real fast. Whenever that AV starts piping up, I just remind myself that as soon as I take that first drink, all bets are off. I can not stop. So, I just won't start. And as Dee said, when in doubt, I refer back to my Big Plan: I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
Just remember that not only would the alcohol not help, it would make things worse. Getting sober and learning how to cope with adversity without drinking has turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me. It actually get easier to deal with things sober than to deal with them while drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Jess- nice to meet you, indeed! And- I am so glad to hear that your boyfriend is supportive. If he is a positive, strong influence, you cannot put him in a position of being "responsible" for your sobriety, but you CAN have a huge cheerleader. I know that my boyfriend is one of my rocks; he is in recovery too and we talk ALL the time about how much better each of our lives are individually, and as a couple, sober.
I look forward to hearing more good stuff. You can do this.
I look forward to hearing more good stuff. You can do this.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
JF -
It sounds like your boyfriend is fully behind your decision. The fact he has eliminated the alcohol from his place is huge. You are very lucky in that way. Embrace that, and good luck with the move and the job. Remember what GnikNus said - alcohol will not help, no matter what happens, bad or good.
It sounds like your boyfriend is fully behind your decision. The fact he has eliminated the alcohol from his place is huge. You are very lucky in that way. Embrace that, and good luck with the move and the job. Remember what GnikNus said - alcohol will not help, no matter what happens, bad or good.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 337
Welcome Jess!
Sometimes I think it's a blessing to realize that I NEVER want just one drink. If I drink, I am going to get drunk. What's the point otherwise? Just my two cents. Hope your move goes well and happy belated birthday!!
Eli
Sometimes I think it's a blessing to realize that I NEVER want just one drink. If I drink, I am going to get drunk. What's the point otherwise? Just my two cents. Hope your move goes well and happy belated birthday!!
Eli
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