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Pre-meditated drinking

Old 08-14-2016, 02:29 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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your "vacation" has gone from being about the camaraderie and activities, to drinking. and with time still to go, you are more likely to say, well since we already PLAN on drinking on X day, we might as well have one now...........OR you'll have this first drink and Old Thunder will come flying out of chute #3.................remember your friends will be stuck with you if you get out of control. is that fair to them?

also, i notice you use WE a lot when it comes to drinking or not drinking. while i understand that as a couple it is easier if both are on the same page, but sobriety is NOT a team sport. you stay sober for YOU. don't be lemmings following each other over the cliff.....
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Old 08-14-2016, 02:31 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I think that when you decide that you are really "done" drinking and that you want to lead a different kind of life, you'll be ready to commit yourself to it, and actually live (and do) the 12 steps with a sponsor you are honest with. Until then, you may need to do some "research."** The problem is, you can't live the program until you are "done" doing research. Going to "any lengths" means just that. It took me until I was 55 to get it. I cherish every day I don't drink. For alcoholics like us it's life or death. I pray that you get it sooner than later.

** "research" in AA lingo=Trying controlled drinking
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Old 08-14-2016, 03:32 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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[QUOTE= Might want to re-evaluate your reasons for quitting.[/QUOTE]

Yeppers my reasons are real. We hardly even drink and when we do it is usually normal behavior. But when we drink heavy bad things happen. Very bad things. I love SR because it keeps me in check and I love that I can be so honest and not get ridiculed for it.
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Old 08-14-2016, 04:49 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I could make a plan like that - like, oh, special night, I will have two glasses of wine and that's it - but as soon as I have those first few sips, I turn into Hyde and all bets are off.

Accepting that drinking is really bad for me and will totally wreck any of my remaining chances at a genuinely useful and happy life has been life changing, and there isnt a band in the world worth risking my life for.
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Old 08-14-2016, 04:50 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Don't do it. It's a terrible plan and deep down you know it.
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Old 08-14-2016, 04:56 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Ok, so by now it's very clear why planned drinks are a bad call, so I ll take a slightly different angle: you definitely don't want to ruin a weekend camping and a GnR gig for the sake of a few drinks.

Hope you have a great time there.

(ps: everyone in GnR sobered up, just follow their lead).

P
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Old 08-14-2016, 05:53 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MrPL View Post
Ok, so by now it's very clear why planned drinks are a bad call, so I ll take a slightly different angle: you definitely don't want to ruin a weekend camping and a GnR gig for the sake of a few drinks.

Hope you have a great time there.

(ps: everyone in GnR sobered up, just follow their lead).

P
Excellent they've sobered up. That helps! I love live music and I enjoy it so much more sober. I just saw the Cure in Hawaii sober and it was phonominal!
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Old 08-14-2016, 05:59 PM
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Very much agreed! I just got home from a Slayer gig here in the Uk. my first sober gig ever, way better this way!

P

Last edited by Dee74; 08-14-2016 at 06:19 PM.
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Old 08-14-2016, 06:28 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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We hardly even drink and when we do it is usually normal behavior. But when we drink heavy bad things happen.
Maybe this is the root of the ambivalence problem sunshine - that you still believe there are times you can control your drinking?

D
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Old 08-14-2016, 06:31 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MrPL View Post
Very much agreed! I just got home from a Slayer gig here in the Uk. my first sober gig ever, way better this way!

P
I just saw Slayer here in Raleigh with Testament. It was insanely awesome! Nice to see a fellow music lover here doing well! During my 18 month sober stint I saw The Pixies with Robert Plant. It was just wow. When I get wasted I don't even want to watch the show I just want to socialize and smoke. It is so stupid...
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Old 08-14-2016, 06:36 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post

Maybe this is the root of the ambivalence problem sunshine - that you still believe there are times you can control your drinking?

D
Exactly I never intend to drink so much I black out throw up pee my pants have a 3 day hangover etc... but sometimes it feels so good I don't want to stop and then THAT bad stuff happens. I guess I've put myself in a category of someone that doesn't drink daily actually only every other weekend when I'm kid free. But more often it goes to far. I don't crave it or want it at all when my son is home. But there are the times when it goes to far...
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Old 08-14-2016, 06:44 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sunshine72 View Post
Exactly I never intend to drink so much I black out throw up pee my pants have a 3 day hangover etc... but sometimes it feels so good I don't want to stop and then THAT bad stuff happens. I guess I've put myself in a category of someone that doesn't drink daily actually only every other weekend when I'm kid free. But more often it goes to far. I don't crave it or want it at all when my son is home. But there are the times when it goes to far...
I think the key is loss of control. Doesn't really matter if it's every day, once a week or once a month - if you drink more than you intend to and it causes problems it's a problem. And there's no way to go back to just "having a few"...once you cross that line you cannot return. The body of evidence to prove this is overwhelming...we read about it every day here on SR. The only solution is to not drink at all.
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Old 08-14-2016, 11:13 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by OfEpiphany View Post
:
1) You'll think, "well we were almost 2 years sober, and I already drank a drink, I'll just give myself a pass for today.

2) You'll think, "It's a once in a life time concert, I'd be stupid not to drink, we've already had a few!"

3) It's not a big deal, everyone around us is doing it!
right?
I wanted to second this. Back when I was trying to moderate there were times I planned on only drinking a drink per hour and ended up in a blackout, crying and embarrassing myself in front of people.

And man, I don't know about you but I just couldn't do another hangover.

The last concert I drank at a few years ago I probably spent $90 and beer and spent half the concert in those long lines, buying two at a time (pretending that I was buying for myself and my friend, both were for me). I missed a lot of the concert.

Long story short, moderation never worked for me. I'd bend the rules until I gave myself permission to drink as much as I wanted, which was the only way I like to drink.

I went to a concert last week sober and it was nice. No bathroom breaks, I didn't spend a fortune, and I was not hungover the next day.
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Old 08-15-2016, 12:38 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by sunshine72 View Post
I just saw Slayer here in Raleigh with Testament. It was insanely awesome! Nice to see a fellow music lover here doing well! During my 18 month sober stint I saw The Pixies with Robert Plant. It was just wow. When I get wasted I don't even want to watch the show I just want to socialize and smoke. It is so stupid...
Wow! Pixies and Plant sounds amazing! I ve seem the Pixies a couple of time but was so drunk I remember only flashes. One to make up for in the future.

But coming back to the main topic this is quite a tricky scene to try and sober up, so if you have done 18 months you definitely have it in you to stay clean on your trip!

P
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Old 08-15-2016, 12:56 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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I remember feeling that Christmas was going to be the worst time ever without alcohol. How could I have Christmas of all things without a drink??? But, I took some advice, and got myself organised and involved with the non-drinking Christmassy stuff happening in my area. All the cheesy stuff I'd turned my nose up at for a few decades. I went to the Christmas lights switch on, and found myself welling up as the kids from the local dance school performed for the town on a ramshackle stage. I volunteered to help with some of the special services at my church (only greeting, and making tea or whatever, but it meant I was part of it). One job I was given was lighting all the little tea lights in jam jars that were placed either side of the church path to guide people in for the evening nativity. The children's gasps of delight as they saw it and followed it gave me a much more Christmassy tingle than my whisky had ever managed. Anyway. What I'm trying to say, is that holidays, like Christmas, can be so much better sober. We see things. We are emotionally available for others. We are interested in other people and other things instead of becoming self-absorbed. BUT, there might be a little initial work involved, in thinking of alternative activities. Why not find some old photos to take with you to share and chat about. Look into some daft excursions or activities to do. Maybe even think - if we were still children, what would we want to do, and do some of those things. Most of us a have our inner child still sitting around inside somewhere, and once we bring them out they can be great fun to hang out with.

You CAN do this holiday sober, and enjoy it. And you should. Because, 1, not everyone makes it back to sobriety once they go back out. And 2, if you do make it back, what will be the next difficult sober first that you decide not to face up to? It really isn't a good pattern to get into, as those first few months sober are horrible ! !!
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Old 08-15-2016, 01:26 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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Maybe Skipper can give you some tips....
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-vacation.html
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Old 08-15-2016, 09:04 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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My first thought was - what's the point of one drink per hour and limiting yourselves to three? You won't get a buzz, so why bother at all? Is it so you'll fit in somehow? Or because you've never tried a concert sober? Or is it to somehow prove to yourself you can limit yourselves? The problem with proving to yourselves you can limit, if you can, this time, is that it opens up the door to more "research" that could spiral out of control down the road. This is a very dangerous form of denial, IMO. Sure - I had times when I could moderate here and there - then I could rationalize to my heart's content and tell myself I wasn't really an alcoholic. But when I didn't or couldn't moderate, very bad things happened. You already know this is the case with yourself, also. You did 18 months sober once before. Do that again. You've already started. Keep going. When that 18 months is over, do it again and again and again. Or do it one month, week, day at a time. Whatever it takes. This disease is progressive. Nip it in the bud before something truly disastrous happens.
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Old 08-15-2016, 10:24 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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For me I was either building a Sober life or I wasn't, and having a weekend off from Sobriety wasn't in my recovery plan.

Opening that door again is a recipe for disaster, you can enjoy yourself without alcohol, I guarantee it!!
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Old 08-19-2016, 05:48 AM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Flying out today! The urge is there to drink. Going to fight with all my might!
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Old 08-19-2016, 05:53 AM
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Sigh, sunshine....you haven't listened to a word that has been said. Maybe you've "heard" but you ain't been listenin'. Fighting urges alone is simply not a plan.

I wish you hadn't gotten on that mental airplane- you're already on your journey to drinking like you laid out in your OP. I hate to see your post about it being a drinking weekend that you handled well once you return; that will just keep you in a state of mind where you convince yourself it'll be ok....which won't last.
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