Determined to quit, but feeling no support?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 42
Determined to quit, but feeling no support?
Hi all! This is actually my first post here. Haven't worked up the courage to go to an AA meeting yet, so I turned to the internet and here I am lol. I apologize about the length of this post, and congrats if you get through the whole thing. Just looking for any advice on anyone going through this in their first week, and maybe I'm giving a little unnecessary backstory, who knows 
I've only been sober for 5 days. Everyone who knows me knows I like to drink, but I never would get too sloppy (well, occasionally, but not often enough to be suspicious) - but nobody knew the extent of my problem besides my husband, who doesn't drink. He hated my drinking, but never really did anything to stop it. Anyway from everyone else, I hid my problem as best I could, and believe I did it well. My family has no clue. Most all of my friends have moved so I basically see them rarely, and we only talk via text and when we do meet up, it's for drinks. I still went to work every day, maybe sometimes they'd comment I seemed off, but shrugged it off to being tired or overworked.
I feel I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Besides, I was never really hurting anyone with it, only my health. I have horrible anxiety, and instead of seeing a doctor, started self-medicating with alcohol about a year and a half ago, and it was the only thing that helped. To me, ugh man, the feeling is the best in the world.
I saw a psychiatrist about a month ago that gave me anti-anxiety meds, but I never took them because I knew I couldn't mix them with alcohol, and I just couldn't give it up.
Anyway I've been feeling very sick the last couple weeks and finally saw my internist... was very honest with her about my drinking, and had a very long discussion. She was very compassionate, and gave me great advice. I haven't had a drink since I saw her. I've been using some the anxiety med to cope since. The first few days were HELL. I'm feeling better the last two, but still feel every few minutes how badly I want a drink. I've exercised like 3-4 times, tried doing sodoku, anything to keep me distracted.
My husband is no help at all. He just keeps saying "you'll be fine". Went on a camping trip with his buddies this weekend that doesn't even have cell reception. Checked in with me once, is staying a day later than I thought he was, and when I got upset over it, he literally said to me "It's not my fault you chose this week to get sober" I thought it was the most insensitive thing I've ever heard.
Anyway I know they say you have to get sober for YOURSELF, and not anyone else. But when you feel you are doing it completely alone, I mean I guess it's empowering in a way, but at the same time very lonely.
I'll stop talking now lol. Thanks if you got through that whole thing, any advice, especially how to hang in that first week would be greatly appreciated.
I've only been sober for 5 days. Everyone who knows me knows I like to drink, but I never would get too sloppy (well, occasionally, but not often enough to be suspicious) - but nobody knew the extent of my problem besides my husband, who doesn't drink. He hated my drinking, but never really did anything to stop it. Anyway from everyone else, I hid my problem as best I could, and believe I did it well. My family has no clue. Most all of my friends have moved so I basically see them rarely, and we only talk via text and when we do meet up, it's for drinks. I still went to work every day, maybe sometimes they'd comment I seemed off, but shrugged it off to being tired or overworked.
I feel I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Besides, I was never really hurting anyone with it, only my health. I have horrible anxiety, and instead of seeing a doctor, started self-medicating with alcohol about a year and a half ago, and it was the only thing that helped. To me, ugh man, the feeling is the best in the world.
I saw a psychiatrist about a month ago that gave me anti-anxiety meds, but I never took them because I knew I couldn't mix them with alcohol, and I just couldn't give it up.
Anyway I've been feeling very sick the last couple weeks and finally saw my internist... was very honest with her about my drinking, and had a very long discussion. She was very compassionate, and gave me great advice. I haven't had a drink since I saw her. I've been using some the anxiety med to cope since. The first few days were HELL. I'm feeling better the last two, but still feel every few minutes how badly I want a drink. I've exercised like 3-4 times, tried doing sodoku, anything to keep me distracted.
My husband is no help at all. He just keeps saying "you'll be fine". Went on a camping trip with his buddies this weekend that doesn't even have cell reception. Checked in with me once, is staying a day later than I thought he was, and when I got upset over it, he literally said to me "It's not my fault you chose this week to get sober" I thought it was the most insensitive thing I've ever heard.
Anyway I know they say you have to get sober for YOURSELF, and not anyone else. But when you feel you are doing it completely alone, I mean I guess it's empowering in a way, but at the same time very lonely.
I'll stop talking now lol. Thanks if you got through that whole thing, any advice, especially how to hang in that first week would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Hi alyssa11 ,welcome to the forum .
I am not much qualified to offer advice on your dilemma but you have definitely done the right thing opening up to your internist and coming here ,where there is tons of great advice .
I am not much qualified to offer advice on your dilemma but you have definitely done the right thing opening up to your internist and coming here ,where there is tons of great advice .
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome alyssa!
My first week was a challenge. I relied on this wonderful community for support.
"Normies" don't understand what you're going through. I think your husband's remark was indeed insensitive, but his comment may be from lack of understanding.
Lean on us, you're not alone any longer.
My first week was a challenge. I relied on this wonderful community for support.
"Normies" don't understand what you're going through. I think your husband's remark was indeed insensitive, but his comment may be from lack of understanding.
Lean on us, you're not alone any longer.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
welcome Alyssa,
Did you see the August 2016 board? Everyone on that thread is just starting out like you are. They will be a great help to you because they are at the same stage of recovery as you are.
Drink lots of water, eat healthy, read, play games, exercise....anything to keep your mind busy. Post here often.
Did you see the August 2016 board? Everyone on that thread is just starting out like you are. They will be a great help to you because they are at the same stage of recovery as you are.
Drink lots of water, eat healthy, read, play games, exercise....anything to keep your mind busy. Post here often.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome and good for you with 5 days sober!
Lots of us do this on our own, which is one of the reasons SR is such a great support. It's really difficult for others to understand alcoholism, so don't be too hard on your husband. And, it is so good to remember that you are doing this for yourself.
Lots of us do this on our own, which is one of the reasons SR is such a great support. It's really difficult for others to understand alcoholism, so don't be too hard on your husband. And, it is so good to remember that you are doing this for yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
It can be frustrating (and the lack there of) of support often times from family and friends as when you're not an addict yourself, it's very difficult to relate and find the support you need. Luckily there are numerous outlets to help such as this site, AA, addiction counselors, etc,.. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Welcome. Loads of support on this site. My heavy drinking 'normie' (so he says) partner wasn't any support either. But then he doesn't really get it at all, so he can't be. It's not a choice, he's just defective haha.
Anyway, people here have helped me stay sober. This was my first place to get support, closely followed by AA. I've now been sober 2 years and 5 months.
We can do this without the normies. As long as we're not shy about seeking support and advice from the people who do understand, and who can help - namely other alcoholics who have good strong and healthy recovery.
Have you made a sobriety plan yet? If not, that would be a good next step. Dee's link is great, and others on here can help as well if you stuck on something or want to run it past anyone.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html
I'd also recommend finding a ladies AA meeting (first off) and reaching out that way. Once you've got to know a few women to stick with, then you might feel more able to branch out into mixed meetings. I just went straight to mixed meetings, but I know lots of ladies seem to prefer to start with women only ones. My local one has more women than men anyway most weeks though.
A few of the books that I found really helpful were Monkey on my Shoulder, and Living Sober, and (of course ) the Big Book of AA. I tend to but recovery books for my kindle, and then i can happily read away wherever and whenever.
You're not alone.
Anyway, people here have helped me stay sober. This was my first place to get support, closely followed by AA. I've now been sober 2 years and 5 months.
We can do this without the normies. As long as we're not shy about seeking support and advice from the people who do understand, and who can help - namely other alcoholics who have good strong and healthy recovery.
Have you made a sobriety plan yet? If not, that would be a good next step. Dee's link is great, and others on here can help as well if you stuck on something or want to run it past anyone.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html
I'd also recommend finding a ladies AA meeting (first off) and reaching out that way. Once you've got to know a few women to stick with, then you might feel more able to branch out into mixed meetings. I just went straight to mixed meetings, but I know lots of ladies seem to prefer to start with women only ones. My local one has more women than men anyway most weeks though.
A few of the books that I found really helpful were Monkey on my Shoulder, and Living Sober, and (of course ) the Big Book of AA. I tend to but recovery books for my kindle, and then i can happily read away wherever and whenever.
You're not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 42
Thank you for all that fantastic advice berrybean!! hadn't considered a plan, I will definitely look into that link. And agreed, books on the subject will not only be a good distraction, but should give me an even better plan going forward.
And you're right, madgirl, it is somewhat of a blessing that he doesn't drink and I won't have the extra pressure of having liquor in the house. I feel that would do me in quick at this stage :|
Once again I appreciate all the comments of support, it truly helps more than you know (although I'm sure you all DO know )
And you're right, madgirl, it is somewhat of a blessing that he doesn't drink and I won't have the extra pressure of having liquor in the house. I feel that would do me in quick at this stage :|
Once again I appreciate all the comments of support, it truly helps more than you know (although I'm sure you all DO know
)
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
If you want help and support, you have to go where the help and support is.
There were NA meetings right down the street from my house. They didn't come and get me. I finally had to go there.
There were NA meetings right down the street from my house. They didn't come and get me. I finally had to go there.
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